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Hi.

My cousin-in-law (husband's side) just had a stillbirth. She is obviously having a really hard time as is her extended family.

I can't really offer much support because we are not close and live a distance away.

I am sending a card and was going to donate to a charity in the child's name. They don't have a regular charitable organization that they give to. (everything is just given to their church)

What would be a good organization? I have been looking at First Candle and some Children's health type organizations. Any ideas?

I would like to keep it related to children, they are really conservative in all ways so I want to be careful to not give to an organization they would not be ok with and at the same time not support an organization that prosecutes co-sleeping or some other thing that I generally support which it seems like so many of the sids/stillbirth type organizations do...does that make sense...I need a good charitable organization that helps kids...who thought it would be so hard to find!
 

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Is there a local crisis pregnancy center in her town? Is she involved with it?

I'm very conservative and I know that if someone suggested this to me I would ask them to donate to my local pregnancy center. They often offer grief counseling, infant and miscarriage loss support groups etc. If you let me know where she is I might be able to find one for you.
 

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March of Dimes does so much and I am not aware of any controversy with them. I will be thinking of your family, that is sad.

ND
 

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How about the National Stillbirth Society?????
 

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Not to toot our own horn, but Sierra's Bears is always looking for donations. $5.00 will donate a bear to a grieving family. The card would read "Donated in Loving Memory of ______________." I send an acknowledgement card to the family and would also send her a Sierra's Bear as well.

If you click on Sierra's Name it will take you to our web site
 

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Mommyto3girls...That's awesome that you do bears at Mt. Carmel in Columbus...Ryland was born just down the road from there at Grant in Columbus... And how incredible that you started something in Sierra's name...we started a non-profit in Ryland's memory too (we give financial aid to families who have lost a child to help cover funeral, memorial, and grief counseling expenses). Such a beautiful way to help our babies live on!
 

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Thanks Ally, we try to reach as many hospitals as possible with our bears. In the last 4 1/2 years we have given out over 4,000 bears.

What a great thins you are doing in Rylands memory. One of my online friends sent dh and I to Florida for 5 days after Sierra died. We stayed in a little hotel near the beach and worked on her scrapbook, journal, watched her birth video, took long walks on the beach trying to figure out where our lives were going now, etc. It was so nice to be able to get away from all of the well meaning, but pain causing people back home. I think it is something that really helped us to come back together as a couple after her death, it would have been so easy to drift apart and cling to other people offering us support. If the vaccine courts find in our favor (we are now done with trial, and other legal proceedings, just waiting for a decision) we will use a portion of the $250,000 to establish a fund at the hospital she died at to offer short trips away to other couples who have a baby die. Some people found it odd that we would go thinking we were taking a Vacation, but really it was the furthest thing from a fun filled trip, it was very healing.
 

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March of dimes is a good cause and an appropriate charity to the situation. Also there might be a charity associated with the hospital such as The Little Angel Fund on Long Island. Call the hospital for something like this, or they might have a program in the hospital you can donate to.
Hope this helps.
 

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i live in a small new england town, and our little hospital where we gave birth to our daughter coral (she died the same day she was born full term)... well, they are 'current', but a little behind and were really unprepared for what happened to us. i needed information, books, links, support groups, therapy, all of it. so i would suggest a donation of books/pamphlets to her hospital's ob/gyn dept., or to her midwife, whatever the case may be. there are so many books that are helpful and supportive when a mother is in shock and grieving. to me they were my life line, and as our hospital had only a couple, and the bookstore in our nearby 'big city' had NOTHING, well, i felt desparate. if someone had given me a stack of these, it really would have helped alot, especially in those crucial first hours/days after she died. the info in these special books helps a family decide and consider things that are totally out of the realm of 'normal'- do you want to hold your baby? (probably) do you want to cleanse/dress your baby? (it is alright if you want to do this) is it alright to take pictures? funeral plans, etc... if our hospital had this info right then and there, i imagine i would have made a few different decisions than we did in our state of shock. no one ever talks about the possibility of your baby dying, so experiencing the reality of this is very surreal and mystifying.

i am so sorry for you cousin's loss. it is really nice that you are thinking of them in this way.
 

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You are right Coral's mom. Whenever I talk to people about Sierra, I always mention that we held her for hours after she died, my mom dressed her for the funeral (she had had an autopsy and I didn't want to see her naked body after that) My husband and I held her all through the funeral instead of having her in the casket. I try to let them know the things we did so that if, by awful chance, they were ever in the same situation or close with someone goign through it, they would be aware of some of the things you are able to do.
 

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i love heifer international. they help so many children, mothers and whole communities.

and it's very easy to donate to them, check out www.heifer.com

also, the donation of a tree is always a wonderful thing as many of them live so much longer than us humans. when my great-grandmother turned 100, we, as a family, had a whole grove of trees (1000) planted for her. it has become her forest.
 
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