Mothering Forum banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,823 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
my sister got it into my 3 year old's head she needs to call me teacher. we are learning the alphabet and the sounds each letter makes etc etc but nothing hardcore structured, just enjoying being creative together and sharing our creations on the tac board i put up in her room. anyways, now Lilith won't stop calling me 'teacher'. not only that but my sister told her to raise her hand whenever she needs to talk. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: i'm sorry but this is really bugging me! i keep telling her i'm not teacher but mommy and mommy's are teachers already so just call me mommy. it feels almost like she is submitting to me by calling me teacher and that is so not what i want. a weird emotion to connect with being called that but that's how i feel.<br><br>
on a side note my sister is only 13 so it's not like i have an adult saying this to her. she doesn't get it (my sister). she has yet to start really thinking outside the box.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,681 Posts
I'm assuming you've discussed this with your sister? At 13 she's old enough to understand an explanation that you are choosing homeschooling in order to provide a different educational approach, one that does NOT replicate school, and that you would appreciate that she not undermine that conscious parenting choice you've made by encouraging your dd to replicate school behaviours. If you explained that to her, how would/did she respond?<br><br>
Miranda
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,848 Posts
DD does this sometimes, along with the little girl who I watch (Who usually calls me "Miss firstname"). I treat it like a game.<br><br>
Lighten up. So what if she calls you teacher? If you don't want her raising her hand, ignore when she does it, and when she gets impatient tell her she needs to speak up if she has something to say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,823 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moominmamma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8191095"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm assuming you've discussed this with your sister? At 13 she's old enough to understand an explanation that you are choosing homeschooling in order to provide a different educational approach, one that does NOT replicate school, and that you would appreciate that she not undermine that conscious parenting choice you've made by encouraging your dd to replicate school behaviours. If you explained that to her, how would/did she respond?<br><br>
Miranda</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
my sister............. isn't the sharpest tol in the shed, needless to say. she has a hard time comprehending when things are 'different'. so when i talked to her she was just like 'but you are her teacher.' 'okay but i don't like her calling me that.' 'but you are her teacher.' and so on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,101 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I'd be annoyed too - but, sadly, I don't have any answers for ya. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,823 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ravin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8191138"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So what if she calls you teacher?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
i was pretty sure i made this clear in my OP but it makes me feel uncomfortable in that i become something different and almost unreachable to her. a game, sure, but not when it becomes habit. when i'm 'teacher' she feels like she has to ask to speak which does more than rub me the wrong way, i feel it's not constructive for her. i'm mommy when i 'teach' her just like i'm mommy any other day and we need that comfort level. it changes the dynamic of our relationship. one word, yes. it might sound odd to some but that's just the way it goes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,165 Posts
I'm "Mama" or "Linda". Not "Driver", not "Dish-washer", not "Nurse", and not "Teacher" either. Like you've alluded to, words are powerful. They carry connotations and implications. They can, in themselves, shift dynamics. And plus, it's disrespectful to call people things they don't want to be called.<br><br>
Not that your daughter understands any of that. I'd just keep gently reminding her that you prefer to be called "mom" (or whatever) and that you'd prefer she speak to you instead of raise her hand because she doesn't need permission to speak. And explain to your sister that whether she understands it or not she needs to respect that you do not wish to recreate the school environment in your home and that it is not okay for her to undermine you in that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
I get the feeling that it might be easier to re-teach your DD than your sister.<br><br>
Maybe make it into a game- if DD calls you "teacher" you call her something else that's silly and isn't her name, and refuse to call her by her proper name until she calls you "Mommy." Tell her that Aunt Teen might be bigger than DD, but Aunt Teen is still a child and makes mistakes.<br><br>
I wonder if your sister would understand if you explained "I'm also her driver, and her laundrywoman, and her cook, but she doesn't call me any of those things either. I'm her mommy."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">So what if she calls you teacher?</td>
</tr></table></div>
Not the OP, but IMO it subtly reinforces the idea that public school is "normal", that it is the "standard". It is an attitude that I firmly reject.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,191 Posts
not trying to be insulting at all here...<br><br>
I admire homeschooling/unschooling, anything parents put real time into to do the best to bring up free-thinking, creative, well-rounded kids. I think one day we might be a homeschooling family (no kids of my own at the time heh)... That being said..<br><br>
Whether you are teaching through structures environment or not, you'd have to admit to yourself.. You are a teacher! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
Your are teaching your child names of the letters, if you didn't show it to her - she wouldn't know what they are called! You are teaching (whether by example or directly) right from wrong, what are numbers, what to do, or not to do.<br><br>
Teacher is not only the person who allows you to answer a question or go to the bathroom. Kids can be wonderful teachers of love, and creativity, and excitement, and patience to adults.<br><br>
I only hope you look at the word in a different way, and don't make your little one hate it (and she will pick up on your feeling about it sooner or later, whether there is a cranky teenager in the house or not).<br><br>
I happen to be a teacher, and love my 40 kids to death, and sometimes I tell them what to learn, and other times they ask me what to teach them (mind you, I have my own disagreements with the school system). Does that make me so bad that my profession should not be mentioned by a 3 y. o. child to a loving mother?.. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,823 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
i want to clarify that i don't hate teachers or anything like that at all. my issue is my name is not 'teacher' it's mommy, mama, Margaret, Maggie, etc. not 'teacher'. if someone were to say 'oh you're like a teacher' fine whatever. but to call me 'teacher' just rubs me the wrong way and not because i dislike teachers. sorry if it seemed that way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,748 Posts
FWIW, I try to discourage my students (I'm a public school teacher) from using "Teacher" in place of my name. Just seems so impersonal and overly formal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,681 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Oriole</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8193959"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Whether you are teaching through structures environment or not, you'd have to admit to yourself.. You are a teacher! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Right, but I'm a violist too, and when I play a recital, I don't want people coming up to me and saying "hey, Violist, nice solo in the Dvorak!" I'm a cook in that I prepare most of my family's meals, but I don't want them saying "excuse me, Cook, could you pass the salad dressing?" It makes about as much sense as me speaking to my child in a corresponding way -- "Okay, Learner, see if you can figure out which of these fractions is larger." Yes, these are roles we all have ... but they're not titles or names.<br><br>
Miranda
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,490 Posts
I don't know how to get through to your sister, but as for your 3 year old, is there any way you can turn it into a game? With my 3 year old, if he calls me a silly name, I call him a silly name and that cracks him up. Like if she calls you "teacher", maybe say, "Yes, daughter?" or something like that. That would cause my 3 year old to laugh and say, "My name's not <silly name>!" and I'd say, "Well my name's not "teacher", silly." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> It might show your daughter that you find the whole "teacher" title to be silly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fourlittlebirds</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8192171"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm "Mama" or "Linda". Not "Driver", not "Dish-washer", not "Nurse", and not "Teacher" either. Like you've alluded to, words are powerful. They carry connotations and implications. They can, in themselves, shift dynamics. And plus, it's disrespectful to call people things they don't want to be called.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I was totally not understanding why the OP would have a problem with this until I read this response. Now I get it! But unfortunately I don't have any helpful words right now--too tired to think well!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,191 Posts
Oh, please don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that it's normal to expect people to call you by your profession, or action you do. Just I was trying to make a point that I don't think it's horrible, but rather silly, something a 3 y.o. would say <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> , kwim?<br><br>
Looked like a game to me, and I think I'd go with LeftField's suggestion if I wanted to stop it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/upsidedown.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="upsidedown">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,101 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sasha_girl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8193647"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Not the OP, but IMO it subtly reinforces the idea that public school is "normal", that it is the "standard". It is an attitude that I firmly reject.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
As do I.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,848 Posts
I call my DD "pupil" when she calls me "teacher".<br><br>
Both "mommy" and "teacher" are roles. You happen to fill both of them for your daughter. And your daughter has no associations in her head that would put artificial distance between you because she calls you teacher, does she?<br><br>
The raising hand thing should be easy enough to stop simply by ignoring it and reminding her when she gives up that if she has a question she's supposed to just ask it.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top