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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay situation I'm watching a friends 4 month old DS 2 days a week for 4 hours each while she takes a class. Shes paying me $25 a week not much but thats fine its gas money and I'm happy to help. Her sons a really cutie but he has been a bit fussy he is on formula and I think its making him a little "colicky" so I've been carring him some gripe water (as moms request) around in a sling and that really seems to help calm him. I discussed this with her and all seemed fine.... Well I recently got a message on my machine asking that I not wear him so much because hes getting "spoiled" and she can't wear him all day so she doesn't want him used to it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> SO how to I respond?
 

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I did a one-time babysitting stint for a mom who parents quite a bit differently from me. For instance, her baby has scheduled nap-times where he fusses a bit and soothes himself off to sleep; he's also expected to self-soothe if he wakes up before he's had a 2-hour nap. She only wanted me to intervene if the fussing just went on and on, longer than a few minutes.<br><br>
Well, it was upsetting to my then 6yo dd to hear this baby fussing for a few minutes (through the baby monitor) before falling to sleep. She knows I never leave her baby sister to fuss at all -- and we don't even have a baby monitor; I usually hold her on me or lie down with her in the bed when she naps. And I never left my oldest to fuss, either.<br><br>
It seemed to kind of shock my dd that I didn't just rush in to pick up this little boy, even after I explained I was following his mother's instructions (which dd had also heard), and not doing what I myself would normally do. In my case, I just decided not to babysit for this mom anymore: I didn't like acting inconsistently with my beliefs, especially in front of my dd.<br><br>
If the mom had been a closer friend, or if I'd wanted to keep babysitting this child, I probably would have explained my concerns to see if we could work something out. But in this particular situation, I didn't feel it was worth it to bring up the issue. She seemed pretty strong in her belief that she was doing the right thing; also since she paid pretty well, she probably felt that whoever she paid should just do as she said.<br><br>
Since you have children of your own, you might not want to watch a child whose mother wants you to give care that differs from what you believe in. Well, and even if you DIDN'T have your own kids watching, you still might not want to, just because you want to be consistent as a person.<br><br>
If you really want to continue the babysitting, I'd talk with your friend about your concerns and say it really goes against your grain to NOT hold a fussy baby. In MY case, it even goes against my grain to not just continuously hold and wear a child this small. Then it'll be up to your friend to decide if she wants to keep you as babysitter, or find a more detached caregiver (which honestly shouldn't be too hard to do).
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I need to talk to her shes kinda strange she doesn't do a lot of "AP" stuff shes not breastfeeding never did she doesn't cosleep or really baby wear (She does own a sling) but at the same time she doesn't prop bottles she always holds to feed she feeds on cue she does do CIO in many ways she very gentle. I'm wondering if she thinks I'm just carring him cause I want to (I do but...) and that he'd not fuss if I wa more hands off. (am I making any sense??) Her son is very naturally content she interacts with him a lot and shes does carry him just not as much as I would. Her class will be ending in just a few more weeks so I'm hessistant to break our deal now. At the same time I'm still parenting my DD and I don't want her to think not picking him up is a good thing.. and I want to freely share with his mother how our day went and no hide the fact I held him longer than shes likes.
 

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I'd just be honest, and explain that while I'd like to keep watching her child, that I am NOT just holding the child to hold him, but holding him because he is fussing, and that i personally believe that to NOT hold a baby when they are fussy is neglect, and I can not neglect a child, regardless of the parent's wishes.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bobandjess99</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8173714"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd just be honest, and explain that while I'd like to keep watching her child, that I am NOT just holding the child to hold him, but holding him because he is fussing, and that i personally believe that to NOT hold a baby when they are fussy is neglect, and I can not neglect a child, regardless of the parent's wishes.</div>
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Ditto. I wouldn't use the word neglect though, as that can only cause hurt feelings. I'd say that I'm not willing to let him cry while he's with me. If she wants someone that will let her son cio, she needs to look elsewhere for childcare.<br><br>
Poor baby.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">If she wants someone that will let her son cio,</td>
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see thats the thing she wont she is VERY much against CIO she just assumes I don't need to hold him that he'd be fine eaither way.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>octobermom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8174696"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">see thats the thing she wont she is VERY much against CIO she just assumes I don't need to hold him that he'd be fine eaither way.</div>
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Well...perhaps you could just explain how fussy he is if you dont hold him? Perhaps with HER, he *IS* fine not being held, so she thinks he is like that with you, even though he is not? Do either of you have a video camera? You could maybe make a tape for her showing how fussy he is if he is not held?
 
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