[PennyRoo]

Do any of you have experience with babies who simply must cry themselves to sleep?

My newest DD is 4 months old. She is completely different from my older DD, who was an avid nurser and would happily nurse herself to sleep. I would then hold her upright for a while (all the while still asleep), get a burp, and then gently transition her to bed. I could do this for naps and bedtimes alike.

But, enter my youngest - who fights sleep every step of the way and appears to be an extremely light sleeper. The only way she puts herself to sleep is to hoooooooowl. if I let her fall asleep over my shoulder (howling) or nursing (bucking away and howling), or in a sling (howling), the moment I put her down she wakes up and cries. I've sat stock still underneath her on hundreds of occasions, letting her sleep, but simply cannot transition myself away without waking her up, even when I nurse her off to sleep in a side-lying position. Allowing her to nap on me every second or be always in a sling asleep is just not working for me - I need some time without her to get stuff done. It seems like the best bet for getting her to sleep is to put her in the place where she will be napping - car seat, swing, whatever - and then get her to sleep there so there is no transition to move her and wake her up. Once she's actually asleep in any of these contraptions she will get in a good nap. But, again, she howls herself to sleep.

To get her to sleep in a car seat I sit on the floor next to the seat and rock the seat. I always sit there next to her, rock her, pat her, whisper 'shhhhhh' or sing to her, and ultimately, though still screaming, her eyes close . . then the screams die down and she's asleep. I do the same thing if she's in a swing, or a sling, etc. I'm always there, but she's screaming away. It just seems to be what she needs to do. (As an aside, she has GERD and likes to nap upright.)

Is this CIO, even if I am still there with her? Anyone else have a baby who fights sleep and goes into is screaming? Advice, ideas, BTDT stories much appreciated. Thanks.

 

[petitchou]

Sounds exactly like my ds. He screamed to sleep for a looong time - I want to say about a year? Sorry, probably not what you want to hear.

Music really helped ds to calm down - but not the calm, lullabies. It had to be loud and it had to be dramatic and we had to be moving. If you're familiar with classical music, he liked things like Carmina Burana and the Verdi Requiem (huge choral pieces - and only the loud parts). People thought we were crazy but it really helped. It seemed to grab his attention and get his mind off the fact that he needed to sleep. He also settled more quickly with big jerky movements - exactly the opposite of what you'd think you would do to put a baby to sleep. We also had big success with just going up and down, up and down rhythmically - hard on the knees but effective.

I used my swing A LOT. He would not sleep lying down and I couldn't wear and rock him all the time. Once it was nice outside, we took walks in the stroller and he fell asleep there too (after screaming of course...).

I didn't - I couldn't - look at is as CIO because I was there with him. I really don't know what more I could have done. When they're so obviously fighting sleep, what else can you do but let them express that in your arms? I did leave him in the swing sometimes as he got older because I needed a break and it really didn't seem to matter if I was there or not sometimes - he would close his eyes and just scream to calm down.

I know it's really hard and I felt so incompetent sometimes. Ds is our first so I had nothing to compare to and I wasn't running around after a toddler - I can only imagine adding that to the equation. I wish you well and hope you find something that helps!

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think there is a huge difference between CIO and crying to sleep because that's what the CHILD needs. CIO, IMHO (oh goodness, too many acronyms!) is letting your child cry herself to sleep to "teach" her to "self-sooth" or for your convenience. Generally it involves leaving the child alone with or without periodic checking. Since you are with your child, you are doing what she seems to need and not what YOU want, and you have tried other options, I think what you are doing is different. And it doesn't sound like there are non-crying options that you aren't doing for whatever reason.

My only concern is that you said she has GERD. Are you confident that she isn't howling in pain? Both of my kids had GERD and would howl if I didn't give them the appropriate amount of Zantac after feedings. I know that not everyone agrees with that approach though, and I know that it probably doesn't work for all babies. You might want to investigate more aggresive GERD treatment, or some other medical cause, before deciding that she just "needs to howl", since this doesn't sound common.

On the other hand, DD hated going to sleep in arms. She would nurse happily, but would fuss and cry if I held her while she went to sleep. If I put her down in her crib, she happily went to sleep on her own. Of course, now (at age 5) she won't sleep unless I'm cuddling her. Go figure.

 

[Sasharna]

Oh, yes.

I don't think my DS fell asleep once without crying until he was two years old. He is the most extreme example I've ever personally witnessed though (and I've taken care of hundreds of babies), so please don't be scared by it.

It did not matter whether I was holding him, what sort of music I played (or whether I played it), what sort of motion he was experiencing, etc. (Well, actually, it -did- matter... touch and noise made his crying louder and last longer.) He turned out to be a child who is easily over-stimulated. I think he was probably needing to release a lot of stress at the end of the day, and crying was his way of doing this. Now at 3 years old, he can talk about it instead.

I think the thing to keep in mind is that you are not making your child cry by withholding anything. I know I really let the guilt settle in on me when I was going through that time with my son. I think we'd both have been better off if I'd accepted that I wasn't a bad mom.

 

[heartmama]

For babies who are relentless chronic criers I first recommend a visit to the doctor.

I have heard of people having success with cranio-sacral and chiropractic care for constant crying.

After that I recommend reading "The Aware Baby" by Aletha Solter. It gave me a lot of answers as to the emotional component of the crying, and how to cope with it, with specific techniques for the parent.

 

[justice'smom]

I am a mama who had two GERD babies and honestly there just wasn't much sleep until they outgrew it. I agree with the other mama that the first thing that needs to happen is to be sure that your baby is not crying in pain. Easier said then done. Maybe try a tsp of mylanta cherry supreme, not the generic because it tastes horrible and also it has to be the supreme, try it before you put the baby down for bed or naptime. My oldest son was up most of his seven months screaming in pain because I didn't know what to do to help him. I did everything the drs. told me to do, but it just didn't seem to work. With my second son I found a group of drs. that have done research on babies with reflux and have come up with some new data. They are marci-kids if you would like to look them up. My youngest son also had reflux, but was not in pain after giving him zegerid 3x a day. Usually zantac and pepcid only work for about a week, but ppi drugs like prevacid, prilosec, and zegerid work much better if given properly. I have also heard other moms say they have had great luck with probiotics and enzymes. I am honestly trying to find more natural ways of dealing with it since I am pregnant again and my chances of having another reflux baby are very high. Okay back to the crying, not to make you feel bad, but crying can actually make the reflux worse. Most of the time there is nothing you can do about it, but maybe if your baby is in pain it is making it worse. Again, not to make you feel bad. I hope I have helped in some way and not made things worse.

 

[GooeyRN]

My dd always cried herself to sleep until around age 2. I felt bad so I always held her. She normally stayed asleep though once transferred. As long as you are comforting the baby in some way, it isnt CIO.

 

[UUMom]

I had one who found nursing to sleep hyper- stimualting. The baby liked to nurse until feeling 'high', I swear, and then just dropped the nipple. It was my third kid (born at home, no vax, intact, 100% bf) so I was like ""wahh?"

This baby preferred to wah- wah -wah to sleep, sometimes with me patting the baby's back (in my bed-- we always did a family bed) rythmically, and sometimes with me near, but not touching.

It was weird.

Sometimes you gotta do different things with different kids.

 

[PennyRoo]

Thank you for the responses! For those who asked about reflux and her being in pain, she is on zantax and prilosec. I'm also trying to do lots of probiotics. She was in lots of pain for the 1st 3 months and cried relentlessly (probably the reason why this is my first post since I wrote on July 30th that I was off to the hospital to be induced due to preeclampsia . . ). Literally did not crack a smile that whole time.

Hard stuff. I definitely can now distinguish her pain cry from her tired cry (I think!) - for one thing, she's usually closing her eyes while screeching and the sound is different (less piercing). I am pretty sure she is not in pain but just overwhelmed/exhausted/resenting being tired. But yes, the GERD does add a whole additional layer of difficulty.

Heartmama, I was so interested to see your rec about cranio-sacral therapy. I actually have an appointment w/someone who is supposed to be fab the day after Christmas for both Dd and me. My birth was pretty traumatic - a pitocen-driven labor, due to my developing severe preeclampsia, at 35.5 weeks. I had no meds and within 30 minutes went from being 5 cm. to having a baby arrive. The lightning quick delivery was pretty punishing and I wonder about it having an effect on her. I don'tknow much about cranio-sacral therapy but would love to hear about other's experiences trying it on their infants. Another post for another day, however, as I am already in trouble for posting this in GD!

ANyhow, thanks to all who responded.

 

[justice'smom]

I don't think I said this in my other post, but I also don't think what your doing is cio. All little ones are different and we have to do different things with each one.

 

[SimpleBean]

Both of my daughters do/did this. What works for us is Roomba! The noise gets their attention, and they stop crying, and eventually drift to sleep.

We dont have to use this with the 2 year old, but just last night, DH used this method with our 12 week old. She had cried in my arms for 1 1/2 hour, then DH took her, turned on Roomba, and she was asleep in ~15 minutes!

I LOVE roomba!