[Honey693]

DH has a pretty stressful job (tends to work 45-55 hours a week) and I realize this. I don't mind doing 95% of the stuff around the house and I don't mind doing most of the kid care. His schedule is really weird and it's totally set by him (he just has to be at work by 745). Most days he'll wake up around 630/7, come home for lunch at 11, nap (this pisses me off to no end) until 1, then come home for the day around 6 or 7. Then he spends the rest of the night online. We hang out with another couple 1-2 nights a week and eat dinner (I cook) or watch a movie. This is the extent of our socializing. It's like pulling teeth to get him to go for a walk with us, he won't watch movies with me anymore, he won't do anything unless I beg and beg. Bribing him with sex doesn't work b/c he has no interest in that either. We've done it 4 times in 6 months.

Both our parents are 5 hours away and I've been out without him or the baby 4 or 5 times in 6 months so I pretty much never get a break. I've had one mini break down where I had to have him take DD b/c I thought I might hurt her, he's had to watch her 2 or 3 times b/c I was at the end of my rope and only one of those nights has been a fun night out. I've asked for more help and he always goes into this spiel about how he's a slacker and needs to help more, blah blah blah. This last for maybe a week before things are back to normal.

I need more time alone. I need sex. Right now I'm pretty sure he sees me as this disgusting blob. I need more help around the house (I'm talking putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher not roofing the house). I've told him this. He just doesn't get it. He won't let me hire a sitter for a couple hours a week so I can be alone. I'm at the point where I want to go to work just to have some time to myself. I have no idea what to do. I'm so close to just packing DD, the dog and myself up and going to my parents for a few months just to get some help.

 

[Chloe'sMama]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like a lonely situation.... Have you thought about therapy. Sounds like a deeper issue.....

I am sure you will get lots of great suggestions, but here are a few that help me keep my sanity.....

1. mommy groups. I take my dd, but boy is it nice to have some adult interactions.
2.get out of the house, whether it is just for a little walk, or to hang out with other mommies.
3. work out (I have a hard time fitting this one in, but it makes me feel 100% better).
4.baby sitting trades (again with another mom)... gives me time away from dd and also allows my friend some time without hers.

I hope things get better.

 

[Honey693]

We've done therapy a few times, but he refuses to follow through with anything they say b/c he says he feels forced to do things that way.

I do try and get out to a mom's group at least once a week and to the gym a few times a week. It does help,but I'm still mommy then, you know what I mean?

 

[SugarAndSun]

Wow! That is nuts! Now I feel bad about my thread. I guess my DH is mostly talk about not helping and your doesn't help. Personally, I'd say... "Oh the kids are playing and I'm running out for an hour... and go."

A friend of mine with older kids shed some light on these types of situations for me. She commented that we NEED to leave the kids alone with the dads so they develop their own way of handling and dealing with the kids. Maybe if you just start going, he will find his way.

 

[Harmony08]

What is he doing online for all that time?

 

[Chloe'sMama]

This may be unpopular, but I think he has to follow through with what is said at therapy if he wants things to work out. It sounds like you are at the end of your rope. I would tell him this and you should follow-through with staying with your parents if things dont improve.....

There is only so much a person can handle. It sounds like you have been giving all you can only to have him disregard your needs and feelings.

I am sorry.

 

[iowaorganic]

my DH would rather roof the house than clean it- I totally hear where you are coming from. But the difference is when I am going.to.lose.it- he does step in for a little while. I don't know what you can do to make him see that you are serious. Probably do just what you suggested.....