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Don't know what to do . . .

681 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  lilyka
My poor girl. I watched her suffer through her martial arts class. she has SID and was doing fine at first but as the class has grown, the teacher slacked off, and other distractions arose she is doing horribe. it is worse because kids are starting to pass her up in line (they line up in order of how good theyare) I could literally see her dying alittle bit each time somehting happened today. Iwanted to scream at the naughty kids who do summer camp there to shut up and go away. I was so angry at them for being so rude. I was angry at thier teachers for lettingthem wander around in our classroom while our kids are trying to learn (i mean really any child would be at least somewhat distracted by this and we are paying good money for this). Her teacher doesn't get it, I have told her she needs to use firm touching to get her attention and not words. But what does she do "Madeline, madeline, madeline, madeline, madeline" never once does she touch her when all it would take is two hands to the shoulders or a hand onher face. simple little gestures that can break through the fog. but oh no she knows what she is doing. apparently she suggested to oneof the other parents that I should try Ritilin. do I look like an idiot. I kow what my childsproblem and belive me if there was apill that would help her be normal I wouldn't hesitate. Not for a minute. i have this too and I knw, with every ounce in me, exactly how she feels. she can hear them clall her name but has no idea how to respond or she knows what she is supposed ot do but can't willher body to do it. can't remember how to make her feet walk where they don't feel like going. I remember getting headaches trying to make my brain process the information (for some reason I though squeezing all those mouscles woudl squeeze somehting out :LOL) She wants to do this and wants to be good at it but is having a hard time and instead of working with er the way she needs to beworked with they are just building more road blocks. I htink we may need to give it up. we can't afford the class as it is and I think it has stopped giving to her and started taking from her. i see her becoming less confident, her moves are getting sloppy and she is concentrating less and less. then when she comes home she cries because she feels stupid. I don't know if I should talk to the teacher mreor just drop it. I hate to constantly be one of those parents who are screaming "my child is special you have to accomodate her" because it isn't going to happen all her life and hse has to elarnt o adjust and work through it herself. On the other hand I think this was really helping at first.

Sorry I don't have any questions, I guess I just wanted to throw myself a pity party. I try most days to pretend like this is not a big deal buit it just broke my heart to watch her today. For te most part I have accepted that she will look like a ditz and someone who spaces a lot. Whatever, but it is really hurting her here. I hate it that this lady, who gets under my skin with her passiva agressive lectures and oh well, anyway she is cheap and when she is in good form she is great with the kids . . this lady is judging me as less of a parent over somehting she refuses to listen to me about. aaagghhhh she thinks she knows so much but refuses to listen. Itis not ADD, not even close, and I am not just being stubborn and not medicating out of some sort of pride. I would give her anything to make her brain work right, tomake her life easier. wouldn't hesitate I tell you. but there is nothing. At her age OT isn't very effective and we can't afford it (I know I know call the ISP people BTDT)

I htink I just need a hug.
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Many hugs coming your way. I've had to stop classes for my kids, too, but they are too young to understand why I made that judgment call. If you do decide to stop the classes, I think you'd be justified in telling your daughter you are stopping because that isn't a good teacher for her. A good teacher makes accommodations to help all of his/her students succeed, regardless of their needs status. The fact that this teacher is persisting in a strategy that does not work (calling her name repeatedly) and refuses to do something simple that does work (touch her to get her attention) shows that she is not a good teacher. (And as a former teacher, I generally tend to give other teachers the benefit of the doubt).

Good luck,

Not much advice other than maybe you could try a different place?

Just wanted to let you know were listening and feel for you!
I wish I could clone my son's karate teacher for you---she is so good with these issues, and has transformed him from a sloppy, distractible, goofy kid in the dojo to a respectful, controlled, terrific karate student. Well, it took 3 years, but she was patient with him, and used only positive methods of keeping him on focus. Please find another dojo before giving up on karate! We used to hide our head in our hands to watch our son during class at 6 and 7, and suddenly it began to click into gear and he blossomed under her training. I hope you can keep looking, because a good sensei can work wonders! (granted we are still trying to get this behavior to transfer to home, but one thing at a time....
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I observed her in class, made notes and then had a chat with the teacher. there were simple things we could do to help which have already gone a long way (using clips in her hair so that nothing is touching her face - she spent a large portion of class scratching her forhead. any light touch sends her over the edge), during certain parts of the class (where everyone is doing thier own thing) she has to face away from the mirror (a distraction she can't over come) we also talked about keeping her seperated from certain people. The teacher admits that she sometimes is less strict with our class because they are all such good kids, smart kids and it is consistantly the same kids so she forgets to reinforce the rules and standards. (the way she normally does it is she teaches 9 classes a week and you can come to any three so there is a different group of kids in each class. alll of our kids attend as a group since they are all homeschooled and meet during the day). that constant reminding and enforcing and everyone following the same rules is essential to madeline. I also reminded her instructor that words would never break through, andshe needed to use firm touch (I even gave her permission to chuck hand targets at her - madeline seriously wouldn't mind. It beats push ups and it beats being teased about always being a space cadet.) anyway after only 2 classes thier has been a huge improvement. Madleine will even be competeing next weekend. Her master instructor said she did indeed suck at forms and most kids with sensory/attention problems would alwys suck on forms because it is pure torture for them but that Madeline, like many kids with sensroy/attention problems, is very very good at sparring (so long as she isn't sparring certain friends) She made a good point about it being hard to space out after someone kicks you in the face a couple of times. and by then you are mad and ready for a brawl :LOL. So we will see how she does. She has trained with the guy doing the meet so she will be familiar with him if not the environment, and everyone gets a medal which I am generally against but I think especially for her first meet she deserves a trophy just if she can get in and pay attention to what sheis doing until the match is over. Oh and there are no forms in the meet. perfect! As time goes by Iam sure she will do better. Your story gives me hope Lauren.
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