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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I honestly don't know where this post should go, but since there is an element of "work" in it, I'll start here. Mods, if this should go in another area, feel free to remove it.

I really, really need some help and, since this is such a great site, thought I would ask for it here.

I have been married for six years. When DH and I got together nearly ten years ago, I was crazy about him. And when we married, I was over the moon. Eighteen months later, we had our first child. In three years' time, we has two children. I stayed at home with them up until this past year.

Well, I have having a hard time wanting to stay married to DH. Honestly, the only reasons I don't leave him are a)I cannot afford to be on my own right now and b)I'm afraid he'll take my children from me. I don't love him anymore. I feel like I have done a lot of growing and a lot of changing over the years while he..well...hasn't. I am frustrated with him on many levels, levels that don't seem to change.

To add salt to the wound(and this is where the work element comes in), I have met a man at work who is....incredible. Kind, compassionate, friendly, and just an all around good guy. For the first time in my marriage, I am out in the real world instead of hanging out at playgroup or nursing or doing mommy duty at the playground.I am finding success as a working mom and loving it. And part of the reason I love it is because I walk into work and see this person for whom I am developing some strong feelings.

Part of me feels a profound joy and yet I am ashamed. I need some help. Some advice.Some words of wisdom from someone who has been there. I wish that there was some magic pill called "Help Me Fall In Love With My DH Again"
 

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sounds like you are having a tough time - i'm sorry.
so your kids are school-age now? what is DH work situation? do you think he is having the same feelings?

have you thought about seeking out counseling? i think talking with a professional may help you assimilate your feelings. and personally for me, it always helps to have a third person's objective opinion on the matter.

good luck to you.
i'm sorry i'm not much help.
 

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Sounds like a really tough time for you right now.
I have not been where you are, but have many friends go thru this.

My advice is two-fold. First, seek counselling; either with your dh or alone. See if there is anything in your marriage to salvage. Second, if you do decide that there is nothing of value remaining in your relationship with your dh, please don't start a relationship with anyone else until the ink is well dry on your divorce decree.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by jlbaby
sounds like you are having a tough time - i'm sorry.
so your kids are school-age now? what is DH work situation? do you think he is having the same feelings?

have you thought about seeking out counseling? i think talking with a professional may help you assimilate your feelings. and personally for me, it always helps to have a third person's objective opinion on the matter.

good luck to you.
i'm sorry i'm not much help.

My girls are 3 and 4 ......and I don't think DH is feeling the same as he wants another baby
And that's another issue with us.
It does look like coworker is just a nice person and has no special interest in me. That's disappointing but maybe a blessing.
 

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yikes. i would suggest talking to someone asap - for the sake of everyone, esp. if DH talks about another baby. whether you go alone or take DH, i think it would just help you to talk about it out loud. marriage difficulties are hard enough, but with kids in the mix you've got little feelings to consider also. it's so overwhelming. i wish you the best of luck.
 

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There's a reason they call it the "7-year itch"


I think you need to talk to your husband about your feelings (not about the guy at work) and try to regain your love for him before you go searching out greener pastures.
 

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Assuming that you are taking your marriage vows seriously, I would encourage you to make every effort to give your husband a second chance, and seek some counseling. I totally thought my coworker was a hotty, and used the horniness this created to spice up my marriage instead.

This same senario has happened to me and other married working women I know. By and large, by taking your marriage vows seriously, opening up communication with your husband, and cutting yourself off from this attractive man, you can save your marriage.

It may be that this isn't about attraction to this other man at all, but about you really enjoying your new career, and your growth as an individual, and not wanting to be trapped back at home again......

When choosing your actions, only choose ones you will be proud of 60 years from now, and proud to tell your children about.
 

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Quote:
When choosing your actions, only choose ones you will be proud of 60 years from now, and proud to tell your children about.
I think that is very good advice, as it's so easy to act spontaneously to some situations.

trippingbillies, as already mentioned above you probably are going through an emmense period of personal growth. Im not sure what help i could offer, except that dont be ashamed and dont be afraid to be on your own if that is what you decide, but let it be a decision you make by listening quietly to yourself and your heart, not a decision plunged into by overwhelming emotions that may fade in time. Hope you are OK.
 
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