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Okay folks, long story short (well, not so short):
My baby is almost 12 weeks old. I'll be returning to work the first week in June, for 2 twelve hour shifts weekly (hopefully, not back to back). I'm going to try to schedule as many work days as possible on DH's days off work. On the days that it doesn't work for DH or me to be home with our boy, the plan was to bring him to DH's parents' house (about 30 mins away) before DH goes into work at 4pm. I'd then pick him up after my shift (around 8pm) and head home. We're all okay with this; DH's parents seem respectful of our parenting choices and MIL is a Montessori preschool teacher who is great with kids. Their house has a huge yard and garden and while they have the TV on A LOT, DS will really be only spending 2-3 afternoons a month there, so I feel okay about it.
Last night, my mom drops a bomb. She wants to come over on some of those days to "babysit" DS. She lives about 2 hours away, and owns her own business where she spends a lot of time. We don't have a close relationship, and I carry a lot of baggage about my childhood and how I have been treated by her (she actually told me she wished she'd never had children). She's a very conditional parent, and if one of us sibs disputes or confronts her, she's likely to hang up the phone mid-sentence, or argue, act huffy, etc.
She acted hurt that we haven't asked her to care for DS, and when I explained to her that we hadn't asked her to provide care for him because she's always emphasizing how busy she is, how hard it is to come to see us, the wear and tear on her vehicle, etc. She's also given negative opinions on my home birthing, bed-sharing, babywearing ways (I haven't told her that we're not vaccinating; that's don't ask/don't tell at this point). When I was about a week PP, she offered to come over, spend the night and stay for a couple of days. When I told her that we weren't ready for overnight company, she recanted the offer to come over to help at all.
Her big push seems to be that she wants DS to "know" her. She cares for my sister's son one afternoon a week and I've been there while she's there...she's very smothering, "good-jobbing," pointing him toward what he should play with. More than my dislike of her style, I just don't want her to be influencing my son. I also don't want her to think that just because I have a child now that she gets to be intimately involved in my life.
I left it rather ambiguous, but I know that one way or the other, this will come to a head. Either I'll tell her that it's not going to work out, OR I let her come here to care for my son for an afternoon or two and be mad about it.
I don't want to leave my son with anyone, frankly, but until I get another plan working, I have to get back to work to earn a few $$.
What would you do? Any insights? Thanks to all who read and consider...
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My baby is almost 12 weeks old. I'll be returning to work the first week in June, for 2 twelve hour shifts weekly (hopefully, not back to back). I'm going to try to schedule as many work days as possible on DH's days off work. On the days that it doesn't work for DH or me to be home with our boy, the plan was to bring him to DH's parents' house (about 30 mins away) before DH goes into work at 4pm. I'd then pick him up after my shift (around 8pm) and head home. We're all okay with this; DH's parents seem respectful of our parenting choices and MIL is a Montessori preschool teacher who is great with kids. Their house has a huge yard and garden and while they have the TV on A LOT, DS will really be only spending 2-3 afternoons a month there, so I feel okay about it.
Last night, my mom drops a bomb. She wants to come over on some of those days to "babysit" DS. She lives about 2 hours away, and owns her own business where she spends a lot of time. We don't have a close relationship, and I carry a lot of baggage about my childhood and how I have been treated by her (she actually told me she wished she'd never had children). She's a very conditional parent, and if one of us sibs disputes or confronts her, she's likely to hang up the phone mid-sentence, or argue, act huffy, etc.
She acted hurt that we haven't asked her to care for DS, and when I explained to her that we hadn't asked her to provide care for him because she's always emphasizing how busy she is, how hard it is to come to see us, the wear and tear on her vehicle, etc. She's also given negative opinions on my home birthing, bed-sharing, babywearing ways (I haven't told her that we're not vaccinating; that's don't ask/don't tell at this point). When I was about a week PP, she offered to come over, spend the night and stay for a couple of days. When I told her that we weren't ready for overnight company, she recanted the offer to come over to help at all.
Her big push seems to be that she wants DS to "know" her. She cares for my sister's son one afternoon a week and I've been there while she's there...she's very smothering, "good-jobbing," pointing him toward what he should play with. More than my dislike of her style, I just don't want her to be influencing my son. I also don't want her to think that just because I have a child now that she gets to be intimately involved in my life.
I left it rather ambiguous, but I know that one way or the other, this will come to a head. Either I'll tell her that it's not going to work out, OR I let her come here to care for my son for an afternoon or two and be mad about it.
I don't want to leave my son with anyone, frankly, but until I get another plan working, I have to get back to work to earn a few $$.
What would you do? Any insights? Thanks to all who read and consider...
