[Pandora114]

Ok, yall know that I've just recently moved to a new area. YAY me right?

Well since I just moved here, and due in Dec obviously lol, I dont have any real close friends. none at all acctually.

The general AREA is pretty homebirth friendly/crunchy...to put it mildly lol. But my COMMUNITY, where I live, is NOT.

It's a bunch of Military moms from across Canada, can you say Mainstream to the extreme? I havn't seen one sling up here, or anything of the sort. No Cloth on the lines....stuff like that...So I *know* I'm an odd duck out up here *again*

If I were to live down in the Town area part, I wouldn't be having this connundrum...

Well, I know I wont be able to make a good enough friend to allow into my birthspace so they can keep my DD occupied, let alone take her out of my home for the duration. (She's 3. Leaving her to fend for herself for who knows how long = BAD) Nor do I have family around.

So I started shopping around for a Doula. I phoned one, emailed two...the one who I phoned was polite, but she had plans for Dec...ok no big. The two I emailed, no response, nada. It's been over a week since I emailed one, and about 2ish (My time sense is shot lately..) days since I emailed the second...so I feel like I'm getting the brush off.

I'm totally stuck..seirously stuck for childcare for when it happens...

If the Doulas around here are blowing me off...what the heck am I supposed to do? *sigh*

This really sucks...I *DONT* want to get induced Just so I can have reliable childcare...but I wont have any friends around here anyway because I'm keeping my big yap shut about my homebirth. I dont need the ostracism that I had when I lived in Borden because my choices differ *so* much from the Mainstream military communities it isn't funny...My DD doesn't need the stigma either when she goes to school...

Anyone here who's a military momma KNOWS how gossipy the other women can be....and how they really have no discretion about gossiping in front of their children..

You see my connundrum right?

 

[momma2girls]

Maybe they are on vacation? Or with the weekend haven't been able to bother checking their e-mail yet. I'm sorry. Are there any other doulas in the area?

 

[Pandora114]

Quote:

Originally Posted by momma2girls Maybe they are on vacation? Or with the weekend haven't been able to bother checking their e-mail yet. I'm sorry. Are there any other doulas in the area?

Yes, they are all part of the same association though...I'll try again tomorrow but...if It gets ignored tomorrow I'm just gonna sit down and cry...

*sigh*

I dunno mabe I'm not "worthy" of doula care because I'm having a homebirth......you know, no need to help mom advocate for herself since she's in her own envoronment and not battling with anyone...

If I can't get anyone to help, I dont know what to do...do what the MFRC sais, and schedule the big *I* and that way I'll have childcare, I dunno...

I just know I *REFUSE* to open up to anyone in my community about it. I went to the MFRC (Military family resource center) and they tried to hook me up with an OB, even though I had midwifery care lined up ever since I got my posting notice...and I told them thanks but no thanks, I had care arranged through the Comox Valley Midwives, and they looked at me like I had 10 heads and proceeded to list off Dr's that were "good" anyway.

Two of DH's former co-workers are living up here, (and one is now his co-worker again) But they are childless by choice, and I wouldn't impose my child on a childless by choice couple for any amount of time...for any reason.

A doula is the only option for me. I know it. Flying either my mom or MIL down would cost the same as a Doula fee anyway...if not more. Not to mention I dont want either of them there because they'd disrupt the whole vibe with their worrywartness.

I'll keep being persistant, but time is running out

 

[mary3mama]

Are there any midwives in your area? If so, I'd try contacting them and asking for their assistance in helping you find a doula and/or someone truly crunchy who'd be willing to provide childcare.

Sorry you feel such the odd duck. We just bought a house in November and made sure it was in a neighborhood with lots of clotheslines...that was my way of knowing that I'd be with people like-minded enough for my sanity!

So I know what you mean about not fitting in. Unfortunatly just about every other neighborhood around us has covenants prohibiting clotheslines and compost bins and solar panels and ugly children...ok, maybe not the last one, but I think they'd require they play only in the backyard if they could get away with it...

 

[mamachandi]

I'd put up a flyer looking for other natural mamas in the area (there HAS GOT BE SOME!!??

) and put my email addy on it. I've made some friends this way I met them and otherwise probably wouldn't have. Put them up in the library and at the place you shop for groceries good luck and i second the waiting a little longer on their replies...it is summer

 

[LizaBear]

I'd wait a few more days - it is a long weekend here, and I know that many people have been on vacation.

But I also know that when I was emailing around for doulas this time - and mentioning that I may also need them to watch my children while they are here - FULLY disclosing that if the children needed to be removed from our home that my husband would be the one to do that even - I sent out 25 or so emails, and heard back from MAYBE 5.

I honestly think that most doulas do not want to do ANY amount of sibling care. And I'm not sure I blame them, that is not what they got into doula work to do, but it is frustrating and discouraging for those of us who are birthing our 2nd or further child.

 

[Pandora114]

yeah it is the long weekend, they might be camping or whatever...

And where I live in general, like the big general area, is a very huge community of likeminded natural mommas...seriously.. But will I get to know at least ONE well enough to trust in my birthspace/with my child? I doubt it. Not by December. My friendship and trust is hard won..

mary3mama: I'm seeing midwives. I called the number they reccomended, the Comox association of Doulas. So these are the people I'm taking on reccomendation. And just because there's clotheslines doesn't mean a thing.
Trust me, I see uniforms and baby clothes, and towels, but not a single washed sling or a single cloth diaper.

The AREA is Natural minded friendly, but my community, notsomuch.

Seriously, military families are far from crunchy...at least not in my realm of experience, and I've lived amongst them my whole life! From child to now an adult...

*sigh* I REALLY dont want an induction just so I can get childcare for my 3yr old, but I can't leave her unatended either...

 

[Naughty Dingo]

Does your MW have any doulas that she works with regularly. Do her assistants ever do child care? What about the LLL ladies in your area? Who have they used? Are there any prenatal yoga classes? If so I would ask the instructor who people in the class use, maybe the instructor is a doula herself.....

You still have lots of time Mama. You will find someone you trust. But I can understand the feelings of stress and the need to get it settled.

August is vacation time. I bet your doulas are out of town. Hope you hear from them soon.

Good luck.

 

[Pandora114]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naughty Dingo Does your MW have any doulas that she works with regularly. Do her assistants ever do child care? What about the LLL ladies in your area? Who have they used? Are there any prenatal yoga classes? If so I would ask the instructor who people in the class use, maybe the instructor is a doula herself..... You still have lots of time Mama. You will find someone you trust. But I can understand the feelings of stress and the need to get it settled. August is vacation time. I bet your doulas are out of town. Hope you hear from them soon. Good luck.

As I said in the above post, my midwives gave me the number of the doulas they regularly work with. It's one big association of doulas that serves the whole valley.

And my midwives have no assitants.

I'll wait and see and try again this coming week...but if I get no response...well...Isa be screwed..

Thing is I KNOW A Doula has to abide by a set of profesional ethics. How do I know that Lady Jane from LLL won't stabbity me in the back? right?

 

[fek&fuzz]

It sounds like your big concern is childcare - what about just hiring a child care provider to come over during the birth?

 

[lilyka]

keep trying the doulas. all the doulas I know are breastfeeding, attatched homeschooling, cloth diapering mamas. being a doula is a side business and current clients come first. email is the least of thier concern. one checks emails once a week and seriously thinks this is the norm. do they have a phone number? maybe they have been attending long hard births. maybe they are on family vacation (it is summer). maybe they just haven't checked thier email.

I don't have anything helpful about finding help for your three year old. My help stood me up. and my d had to weather it alone.

 

[Naughty Dingo]

Pandora, I hope they are on vacation...

I meant that you could ask the LLL ladies, which doula they used. At my meetings, most of the Mamas used them

I totally hear where you are coming from Mama. I am trying to line up a friend and my MIL for child care and I still am not feeling the confidence.

You'd think with word of mouth being so important, these doulas would at least contact you back, even if they can't work for your family. Blowing you off would not give them a good review by you!

Good luck Mama.

ND

 

[Pandora114]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz It sounds like your big concern is childcare - what about just hiring a child care provider to come over during the birth?

Umm, Not an option. As I said, my community is the opposite of what the norm is in the general area, and *glares at husband* I'm not able to get out of my area very easily as of yet (read no bike, no lisence, I'm stuck up here) So it's kinda hard to make friends outside of the military community. bringing in one of the local babysitters would be opening up the can of worms I really dont want opened.

 

[fek&fuzz]

Wow, it sounds like you have no options but to hope a doula calls you.

Too bad. I hope you don't have to be induced.

 

[Mrs_Hos]

Is there a way a family member could come out (even if you have to pay) and when labor starts they can take your dd somewhere--even rent a hotel room for the time to allow you privacy for your birth and allowing you the comfort of knowing your dd is safe?
If I was in your area I would come over and hole up in your dd's room with her and entertain her for the whole birth--no judgement here on Homebirth! I'm planing on one myself!

You do have some time...time to go to LLL mtgs and maybe finding a friend that you may end up close enough to let watch your dd...time to find a Doula that would be willing to help...

 

[Pandora114]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs_Hos Is there a way a family member could come out (even if you have to pay) and when labor starts they can take your dd somewhere--even rent a hotel room for the time to allow you privacy for your birth and allowing you the comfort of knowing your dd is safe? If I was in your area I would come over and hole up in your dd's room with her and entertain her for the whole birth--no judgement here on Homebirth! I'm planing on one myself! You do have some time...time to go to LLL mtgs and maybe finding a friend that you may end up close enough to let watch your dd...time to find a Doula that would be willing to help...

It would literally cost the same amount of money, if not more, to fly a family member out for the birth, than it would to hire a doula. Not kidding. Our families live on the other side of the continent. Open ended tickets aren't cheap...

: Also HE would insist it be HIS family (read His mom, his dad, his brothers and their dog...not joking) I would insist it be MY family...and it would wind up a big huge fight to the death. Hence why I'm excluding BOTH Families from the event. I dont want to play favorites therefore neither attend. I'll keep pestering Doulas till I get a "Umm Fark off we dont want to hear from you anymore" I'm gonna be persistent in that...If not, well I'll prepare for the worst and get DD some special DVD's for her to watch that day and some playdough to play with at the table...stuff like that to keep her occupied...just hope she doesn't get hungry.... >.>

 

[futureCPM]

Well, you could fly me out and I'd do it for free

Definitely keep trying! It may take a little while to find the person.

HTH

 

[paxye]

I am in a bit of the same position... except that I am going unassisted and I have two kids that will be running around during the birth.
We don't have any family in the area and no friends that are able to leave their family to take care of mine... I will be inviting a friend to the birth but she cannot take time off work so her time is very limited... if she is there she will take turns with DH of watching the kids and taking care of me too... if she is not there then DH will be alone in that...

So, it will most likely be DH and I with the boys, we will have a few new DVD's and tons of easy to make snacks... I am still not certain where my birth space wil be in the house but it might be in the main living area so we might have to get even more creative...

 

[Pandora114]

Quote:

Originally Posted by paxye I am in a bit of the same position... except that I am going unassisted and I have two kids that will be running around during the birth. We don't have any family in the area and no friends that are able to leave their family to take care of mine... I will be inviting a friend to the birth but she cannot take time off work so her time is very limited... if she is there she will take turns with DH of watching the kids and taking care of me too... if she is not there then DH will be alone in that... So, it will most likely be DH and I with the boys, we will have a few new DVD's and tons of easy to make snacks... I am still not certain where my birth space wil be in the house but it might be in the main living area so we might have to get even more creative...

Hehe Mine will be in the basement. Yeah I know December basement WHAAAAT? Anyway, it's no big concern because A: I live on the west coast now and B: we have this nifty sweet heat exchanger that with the flip of a button it brings the excess heat from UPSTAIRS to DOWNSTAIRS/BASEMENT with very little excess energy/heat being wasted/created.

Also has to do with the only place that the birthing pool will fit! (well that and easy access to the washer water outlets and super draining system and rapid hot water) other than outside that is..and even out this way I'm not willing to go *That* far lol. Just gotta find a rug reminant to put under to cusion the buns/knees.

Boy this house is *SO* much better than our house out in Ontario! I can't gush enough over it

Anyway, Today I'm heading down to Nautical Fest

: Another thing I totally forgot and why the Doulas might not be answering their emails! They probably have a booth there advermetising their services and whatnot! Man I'm so dense...of course I havn't LIVED here in 13 years so of course I forget when the festivals are *sigh* Gosh darnit I need a bike for next spring/summer....The people in my community are nice, but I want to find like-minded mommas, not just mommas that are military..

 

[NWmt_mama]

I hope you can get the help you need!

You mentioned DH's former co-workers living nearby and 'childless by choice.' Unless you know for sure that they don't like children, they may be up for it. We have been "childless by choice" for a long time but love children! We have friends that are never going to have kids that love to take care of their friends' children. Just an idea!