Doula Q's

I haven't had a doula and I don't know what kind of "temperature" you're area has with regard to midwives, but if your area is hostile to midwives it might be good to have a doula as well in case of a transfer.

Regarding price... it hugely varies! Definitely find some names and talk to a few doulas in your area about price as well as your other desires. I hope there's some other MDC mama who can give you some really great suggestions on that subject. You could also try posting in the midwives and doulas forum. I would imagine some of the midwives could possibly know doulas in your area and their rates!

Also... it sounds as if your DH isn't totally supportive of your birth choices? If that's at ALL the case, I would want to have a doula, myself, to add to the positive energy and aura of the event. YKWIM? And about the hypnobirthing stuff, you DEFINITELY want to have someone there who can guide you! I mean, if you're ANYthing like me and most women I've talked to, you won't be able to think straight (much less guide yourself) into a hypnotic state! I totally believe in hypnotism and would like to try to use it for my homebirth, but I kinda plan to make two tapes (since my DH forgot EVERYTHING he was supposed to do during the birth of our DD - he was "just" WITH me... and while that was SUPER important and precious and valuable to the actualization of our natural hospital birth, I was VERY upset that he didn't do all the stuff we'd practiced over and over, ya know). So, anyway... this time I'm just going to be prepared for him feeling the same way again and BEing the same way. I'm going to record two tapes (and have to players, one to play and the other to rewind! ) with the kind of guided imagery I think will help and use those. It would be lovely to have someone physically there to help me with it, but that's really out of our financial realm of possibility, ya know? So, I'm going to do the next best. But if I could hire a doula, even if she didn't DO hypnotism, I would have scripts prepared for her and in one (or all) of the pre-birth meetings I would talk to her about it and my desire for it and maybe even practice some/all of the scripts. Anyway... that's what I would do.

Hope any of that helps!

I had doulas with both babies. The first pregnancy I used an apprentice, so her price was lower. I really liked her but if I was doing my first birth again I think I would get someone more experienced because it was her first birth too and it was a little like the blind leading the blind. My second birth we used a close friend who is a very experienced doula. We live in the NY metropolitan area so the rate is pretty high here. I paid my apprentice $300 6 years ago and in 2004 with ds I paid $1200. Most doulas offer a sliding fee scale, so if that is not offered be sure to ask. To begin you can check out Dona's website, but I would start with your midwife. If you really like her and trust her she probably has doulas that she has worked with and trusts. Make a list of questions for your interview, too. Not every doula is trained in things like homeopathy (or may not feel comfortable working with them). And sometimes you get lucky and they do reiki or shiatsu. So make a list of your ideal person and then start looking. Good luck. We are not sure if we are using a doula this time, my friend is back working full time and we may do it by ourselves with our midwife since it's #3.

In peace,

p.s. try going to the "finding your tribe" section of MDC for Florida and asking for recommendations also. People can tell you their personal experiences which can be very helpful.

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yes, I just found this out about my mw so that left me leaning more towards having a doula. Actually the doula I interviewed has been working with my midwife and gave me some behind the scenes info.

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How did she do that? Was it that she was attending to your other needs so that he could just be there with you and not have to do all that other stuff, or what? I'm curious b/c my dh seems to think he'll be a little displaced by having a doula there. He's like, "well, I'll be there, so why do you need her?" I tried to stress that her role for me is mainly the hypnosis, homeopathics, and other such random things. Also I think I might freak out during the times the mw leaves the room and it's just me and dh.

dh also thinks that having her at a hospital transfer will just frustrate and antagonize the docs....esp since I just found out that my birthing center transfers to a hosp where the docs are mostly male with the "we think you're crazy homebirth psychos" mentality. OTOH I really want her at a hosp transfer because I get very emotionally distraught and traumatized by rough and mean doctors and I know I will just be in tears and not aggressive enough if someone tries to push me around in labor.

Well...all that said, I still plan to wait till I'm well settled in the 2nd trimester (late next month) before I make a final decision. I appreciate everyone's advice.

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Yeah, she did everything dh would have had to have left me for. She actually had to fill the birth pool via pots of water she heated on the stove. The water heater pooped with only about 8 inches of water in the pool. She was constantly filling my cup, I was emptying cups of water and juice, sometimes an entire cup between two contractions. She kept the smell of lavender in the air, put lip balm on me when I started to look dry, made sure I was offered a drink after every contraction, took all the pictures and ran the video camera, encouraged me through the rought spots (esp. transition), suggested positions that might have been more productive/comfortable, kept a pan of ice cold water and helped dh keep cold cothes on me... the woman did not sit down once during my labor... she also helped clean up afterward, helped me get dressed, got breastfeeding initiated, brought us fresh strawberries and OJ, made me some lactation tea, emptied and took down the birth tub. She came over for a post-natal check up, and also several other times when I had problems breastfeeding. She stayed on the phone with me much of the day that my milk came in... long story, but one of the worst days of my life. I was alone and could not express manually and my baby could not latch from 5 am to after 11 pm when dh came home from work and had tracked down a pump (with our doulas help, who also came and saved him and gave him money for gas when he ran out in a city he was unfamiliar with). And like I said, she and I are still close to this day. I am a doula in training, I can only speak for our training program, but we do not end post-natal care at any point. We are always there for our clients, from pregnancy until their kids are off to collage, or longer if we're needed. The purpose of a doula IS NOT to take over the husband's job, it is exactly the opposite. It is to care for everything else so that he can care for his wife. Birth is a very intimate thing between husband and wife and a doula should only step in and take over his job if he needs a break (potty or nap) or if for whatever reason he isn't coping well and is being less than helpful to his wife. Remember, a doula works for YOU, no one else. You are her employer and she does whatever it is the YOU need. It is very important to have a doula for hospital transfer, here's why. She is your voice when you don't have one. She knows hospital procedures, when they are essential and when they are harmful. Doctors are only trained to intervene, they do not know what happens with minimal intervention. You will need her there to discuss your options with you. Also, your dh will go with the baby if you need to be separated after birth. His job is to not let the baby leave his sight under any circumstances, for support of the baby and also to make sure nothing is done to him/her that you have not consented to. At this point you may be in a situation such as having to be stitched up after cesarean, or episiotomy, you will want someone to stay with you, that would be the doulas job at that point. Doulas are very helpful in cases where transfers become necessary, or if you should choose to be transferred. It may help your dh to just talk with a doula or 2 with you and express his concerns with them. It is very common for men to be concerned that their wives want this woman to come in and take over their position. No doula that I know of would be surprised or offended by his concern. Hope this is helpful. I feel lecture-ee, but I totally don't mean to! Just trying to answer your questions as best I can.