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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How many of you are planning on having one? Why have you chosen to have one? (If you've chosen why not to have one, then why not?) I'm trying to figure out if it is something that I should look into. I've decide NOT to have my mother be at the birth, if I need her I'll CALL her (or have Jason do it, or something if I have a question). But ok, so if I don't have her there, then it will just be my dh. I love him, but I am not sure if he is going to be able to provide me the support I will need. Emotional and some Mental, of course he can... He is the only one that can calm me down in the entire world. I'm just not sure that he is going to be able to help me with the physical stuff, and I'm just thinking that a doula might be able to give me the other support I'll need. If anyone can offer ANY advice on the subject, I'd be so greatful. I currently can't figure out how to bring the subject up with dh. oh also, if you are having one (and you don't mind sharing) How much are you paying your doula? How much do they normally charge? We are on a military salary, so I really can't afford to spend an arm and a leg. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Hey sweetie,<br><br>
Just have a sec but wanted to type something fast (I'll write more tom). Check w/ the hospital (if you are delivering at the military hospital) b/c some of them will offer doula's for free or a very low cost. Also you could check the paper for new doulas who need to attend a birth b/c they will do it for little or no cost.<br><br>
More tom.<br><br>
Take care sweetie
 

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i initially was <i>not</i> planning on having a doula (and i'm a doula, myself!?) because i'm having a homebirth with my mom & sister & friend in attendance....along with my husband, of course. just this past week, though, i switched providers & will be working with a midwife over an hour away. because my second labor was fairly quick she suggested i hire an experienced doula who lives nearbyby in case she can't make it. i think i've found the perfect candidate, too, but we still need to meet & talk.<br><br>
if you're delivering in a hospital, i would definitely recommend a doula. are you wanting a natural birth? if so, <i>absolutely</i> find a doula!!!! if not, you may not think one is necessary but you should remember that she'll be there to support your husband, too, and help you direct your pushing & assist with breastfeeding. there are many roles a doula can take. and...FYI...it's been proven that the mere presence of another woman in the room (laboring or not) causes other women's oxytocin levels to rise. this, within itself, can lead to shorter more effective labors!
 

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I think we've just decided to hire a doula. It will be our first time, even though it's our third baby, just because I never really felt the need before. My DH provides great labor support. However, this time around I really want to labor at home as long as possible before leaving for the hospital, and I think having doula support would be helpful. It will also give my poor DH a break. I also think that having a third voice present will be helpful if I run into problems with the hospital demanding that they take the baby to the "observation nursery" or whatever. This is a concern of mine. I don't know how much doulas will do in that situation but I figure it can't hurt to have someone else "on our side", so to speak.<br><br>
I sent emails to several doulas I found on the DONA website yesterday and am hoping to talk to a few of them via telephone today.
 

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we finally found our doula about a month and a half ago. i decided to have a doula for several reasons: 1) i am having a vbac, so i want as much support as i can get 2) i am trying to have a natural childbirth (in order to decrease my chances of c-section) - i believe a doula will help facilitate that 3) my husband will be starting a new job a few weeks before my due date - he is going to be under a lot of stress and i want HIM to have the support 4) i want an advocate who will speak up for me at the hospital. even though i am delivering with a midwife, who is of the same mind i am, i think it is a good idea to have someone there specifically for me<br><br>
she is costing us $750.00. they are fairly expensive in my area. she is actually the cheapest we found, but that is not the reason we chose her - that was just a happy coincidence.
 

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Wow, so many good reasons to get a doula! We've decided not to hire a doula, mostly because of the money factor but also because we feel able to handle ourselves during L&D. I hope we're not just fooling ourselves. I've worked in hospitals before so I'm used to "confronting" med staff, and DH still works (IT) in the medical center. He needs some work though, in terms of understanding how natural birth is and how it does not need to be medicalized. Hopefully, the hypnobirthing class will help...
 

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My husband and I are both recently trained holistic doulas... we want the birth to be very intimate. But, we have hired 2 post-partum doulas- that's when I think I'll really want the extra help and support.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>txbikegrrl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7235978"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We've decided not to hire a doula, mostly because of the money factor but also because we feel able to handle ourselves during L&D.</div>
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i totally understand the money factor - it is a big deal for us as well. we really can't afford a doula, but our wonderful doula mentioned a payment plan right off the bat, so she is making it possible for us. i have never experienced labor at all - i hope me and dh can handle it, but i am just trying to set us up for success as much as possible. having a vbac this time is very important to me (ds was breech presentation). i want more than two children, but i don't know if i can continue to have surgery.
 

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We've decided no. Partly due to money and partly due to the number of people I want (or rather don't want) around. My midwife is actually TWO midwives, they are legislated to work as a team. I love government. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Then there is my DH, who is the most supportive person I know. He has lots of experience with medical stuff, but knows when to put his knowledge away as well. And, as far as I know, my mother will be around, in the house at least, if not in the room, we'll see how things go and she is a paediatric nurse and can read me like a book, so she is also good for both medical and emotional support. AND my MIL is likely to be there as well, depending on when my SIL gives birth (she's due 3 weeks before me). I don't want any more than that, and it is likely that I will banish both mom and MIL at some point because I don't like having that many people around PERIOD.<br>
So, I'm covered for birth, and then, post-partum, we figured we might need a doula because dh can't take time off work but my mom offered to stay as long as I need her and my MIL usually comes for 3-6weeks around that time anyways, so I'll have lots of help. So, I just can't justify the expense, and don't REALLY see the need for one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I talked to my husband for the first time about a doula.. something that I was very afraid of doing. I didn't know how he would take it. He's never been upset with me in our entire relationship (good track record!) but this was something very sensitive and I didn't want him to think I was 'replacing his role' at the birth. We also talked about having a natural childbirth, something that I really want to do. He supported both, he said that he too would like the extra help and liked the idea that she could help him help me better. I'm not delivering at a military hospitol, but I have heard that some of the local doulas will offer a lower price because we are military. I feel bad taking advantage of that sometimes, "just because who your husband works for" but, it's our only source of income... not great.. haha I too just want to get my family on the right foot. This is our first baby, and I want to remember their birth with fond memories (or at least not a tramatic one, we would like more than one.. haha).
 

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I am not having a doula that I am hiring but my homeborth midwife comes with a trained doula as her assistant and I will have my dh and some friends & family around (and this is my second birth). I don't feel like I need one.<br><br>
That said, if it were my first and I was in a hospital, I would definately get a doula if I could afford one! Also, you might consider some natural child birth classes like Bradley or Birthing from Within for some more help on getting a natural childbirth in a hospital setting.<br><br>
Good luck!<br><br>
(PS Here a doula would cost at least $1000 it seems, although that is their full price and they ALL have sliding scales for lower income families)
 

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I am planning on hiring my doula here this month.<br><br>
Ours works on a sliding fee scale and does all preggo momma's wiht DH's in Iraq for free!<br><br>
I hope she is not booked up!
 

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I wasn't going to hire one as I will have two m/w's, two friends and my husband but given that I have been able to pinpoint what was missing from my last birth experience, and that was hands on attention from other women! The midwives at my last birth were really of the mindset that anything from them would interfere with the birth process and I had to be left alone, but as a result i felt horribly alone and lost. So this time I'm overcompensating as i'd rather have people that i can dismiss if I don't need them than not enough. And this doula comes very highly recommended and I've clicked with her right off the bat, plus she does massage!!<br><br>
ILANA
 

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If I were planning a hospital birth, I would undoubtedly hire a doula. I wouldn't hesitate. It's easy to say that your dh is enough to support you during labor, but once it's happening he is so emotionally invested in what's going on that he might not be able to give you the extra help you need. Dh's are, of course, going to be a little nervous or scared. And having someone there who is familiar with natural childbirth and can help you with all sorts of pain coping techniques and help your dh emotionally is priceless. Also doulas help to act as a sort of liazon (sp) between you and the medical staff. They help to ward off all of the unwanted interventions. And are able to bring an energy into the room that is calm and trusting. If I were in a hospital, I don't think I'd want to do it with out a doula.
 

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That's a good point. If I were planning a hospital birth then I might hire a doula. And as for DH, he's been through this twice before with his ex, but as I pointed out to him last night, this will be entirely different for him because they were both hospital births and both c-sections for "failure to progress". So he's never even SEEN a natural vaginal birth. I'm still confident in his ability to keep a level head though, even while emotionally invested.
 

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Wow- good thread.<br><br>
I am debating this right now. It sounds like the mws here will not stay with me unless I'm in active labor.<br><br>
I am thinking of having one so that DH can care for DD. I want her to have the option of seeing the birth and I think he would need to be able to totally be with her to make that happen.<br><br>
On one hand I'm looking forward to laboring alone, on the other hand having another supportive woman there would be great too.<br><br>
???<br><br>
Oh- and its $800 Ca.
 

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We decided to hire a doula as of a few weeks ago. I'm trained as a doula myself, so DH got why it would only help to have someone there, but we weren't sure about having an extra person there as we also want it to be intimate.<br><br>
Once we decided to take hypnobirthing classes, though, we found out that our hypnobirthing instructor is also a doula and thought it would help us a lot to have someone present who was trained in hypnobirthing techniques. Her rate is $400, but she will do two post-partum check-ups, offered a payment plan, and we just clicked with her.<br><br>
For those who are concerned about the cost (as we are), you might try posting in your tribal areas to see if anyone in the area is available/knows someone available to volunteer at births. Especially when trying to get births for certification, lots of doulas will do this at a free or significantly reduced fee.
 

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For me it's mostly about money. Money is tight and I think my DH would freak out if I wanted to spend that much money on having someone there to watch me give birth! Last time I gave birth I really just wanted everyone in the room to shut up and leave me alone so I don't think a doula would help to relax me. But anyway this time I'll probably have a c-section because with my baby having a heart problem I don't think he could hold up to the stress of an induction and we have to schedule the birth so we can set up his heart surgery.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I received a phone number for a local doula, everything I've heard about her has been good. I talked to her on the phone yesterday and she is going to call me on Sunday to schedule a time to meet with us. I felt so silly on the phone asking her if she was available... "Hi, I don't know you and you don't know me, but could you help me birth my baby?" it's not what I said but...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I was so nervous I had to start over 2 or 3 times whileon the phone with her. She sounds very nice, and I am looking forward to meeting her. Now....<br><br>
What do I ask her? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I have no idea what I'm doing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Can anyone give me some good starting questions? She does know that it's our first baby, and are new to the idea of a doula, and she was very gracious about it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I feel so silly! Any advice?
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Navy_Mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7258244"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What do I ask her? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I have no idea what I'm doing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Can anyone give me some good starting questions? She does know that it's our first baby, and are new to the idea of a doula, and she was very gracious about it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I feel so silly! Any advice?</div>
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This is from the DONA website: <a href="http://www.dona.org/PDF/QuestionsToAskADoula.pdf" target="_blank">http://www.dona.org/PDF/QuestionsToAskADoula.pdf</a><br><br>
Here's another good link:<br><a href="http://www.doula.org.uk/findadoula/employingbirth.php" target="_blank">http://www.doula.org.uk/findadoula/employingbirth.php</a>
 
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