[Clarinet]

If you felt your partner's job was putting a strain on your partnership, would you respectfully request your partner to try to find another? Assume he/she is qualified to get another job, the market is fairly open, the pay will be similar and the field of work isn't his/her first love anyway. The only real difference is that overtime won't be automatically assumed.

Let's pretend the company that doesn't respect your partnership happens to be owned by your partner's father and brother. What do you say about that?

 

[KentuckyDoulaMama]

I'd say that would be a sticky situation and good luck!

Sorry I dont have more advice - kind of in a similar situation here, but no family involved.

 

[Starflower]

I would. But it would be hard if it involved family. Good luck to you in this situation!

I'll try and send my DH over to this thread and get his opinion. He worked in his family business for a long time. His sister is a single mama still does. I know at times she has felt stuck.

 

[DesireeH]

I think your relationship comes first and if his/her job is causing that strain, then it needs to be corrected. Your immediate family comes first before extended family IMO.

Will his dad and brother understand if he needs to work a tad less? If they arent willing to help the situation, I would not feel indebted to them at all.

My dh probably would though. He has some weird loyalty issues. LOL To me a job is just that, a job. LOL

 

[artgoddess]

I had a job I was miserable in. DP would hear me tossing and turning and mumbling in my sleep arguing with my boss in my dreams (nightmares)

. It was really putting a strain on our relationship and he pushed me to quit. Best thing I could have done. I was instantly happier, and that made us happier. The next job I got was the best, I loved it and would have kept it when I had DS if not for the long hours and heavy travel involved.

 

[Tori Gollihugh]

Well, exluding the additional info at the bottom of your post, I HAVE done just that. And I would do it again!

Probably, I would be even more likely to do it again if the company was family owned. If the family doesn't respect my relationship with DH... well, I just think that's total BS. And I feel that the highest priority for partners should be to one another above and before the extended family!

 

[Clarinet]

Thank you! I was feeling a bit selfish for asking my husband to quit his father's job but they still see him as the little brother and not a valued employee. He's always scheduled for jobs that leave him out until 7, 8 and sometimes 9 at night and it's just him and his partner (a young single guy) who are scheduled like this. Just yesterday, his father called shortly before 8 in the morning to ask him where he was because another worker was waiting for him. It turns out his brother decided on Friday that my husband had to work on Saturday but since my husband didn't come home until late and his brother had gone out, he couldn't tell him so they expected him to drop his plans with us and work on Saturday. I had to nearly throw a fit to get him to say no! And then they started in on the guilt trip, "well I guess so-and-so will have to work all by himself then. You know we're really busy this season." It drives me crazy. I know they take advantage of him because he's family. They don't treat any of their other employees like that.

 

[Greenie]

It's quitting time. Good for you!

 

[artgoddess]

He needs to have a serious talk with them, and give them the option of treating him like a human being. If he just up and quits and leaves no reason it could cause major family issues. Reality probably is if he worked for someone else and they called him on a Sat and wanted him to work last minute, it would be easy to say, "no, sorry I have plans with my family." and the employer would know that they themselves had the responsibility to plan ahead better next time, not make your husband feel guilty for their lack of planning. If they can't do that then he has given them a chance and he quits.

 

[laohaire]

I think the difference is how you approach it. I think the best way is to note how stressful it is for HIM and also add that it is, as a result, stressful to YOU. So the focus is that the job has impacted both of you - rather than you saying "please quit your job for me."

DH and I don't work for family or anything, but we discuss all the time whether our working situation is working for us. I would quit if my DH felt it was too stressful for the family, and I know he would too, if I thought his job had a negative impact. Family makes it more difficult, but my DH would put his family (me and DD) first - but it's harder for some people to go against extended family, I know.