[BC mom]

DS1 (3.5) hit DS2 (9 months) with a big rock when I ran into the house for about 5 seconds!! It was on his forehead and luckily the cut was small but it swelled up right away and looks nasty. My mom was an ER nurse and she checked him out so I am just monitering him at home for concussion symptoms and so far he seems fine. DS1 was short on sleep and has a short fuse around the baby when he is in this state. I was so upset and immediately picked up baby and dealt with him, and DS1 was hiding in the bushes, knowing he did something wrong. (baby cried which is the indication for him). I showed him the cut which I think he was shocked at, and told him we may have to go to the hospital etc. and scolded him (Never ever hit anyone with a rock, that is not OK etc. ) but not sure what was the best way to deal with the situation. I don't use time outs so he only got this scolding. A little later, I asked him "that really hurt baby, is there anything you can do to make him feel better?" he often will offer a hug or try to make him laugh, but he was too out of sorts and just ignored me.<br><br>
So, what would you do in this situation to teach a 3.5 year old that this should never happen again?

 

[Rico'sAlice]

I mean this gently, but I think the lesson is for you not to leave them alone together.<br><br>
Obviously, DS was not right to throw the rock, and should be told that (as you have done) but I think the game plan has to be on you preventing anything like this from happening in the future rather than relying on the child to not do it.<br><br>
Obviously, this will change over time as both children get older- certainly wouldn't expect constant supervision of a 5.5yo with a 2yo sibling. But, as long as the younger one is still a baby I think you need to pick him up and take him with you if you run in for 5 seconds.

 

[eclipse]

I think what you've done already is sufficient. You did everything right, as far as I'm concerned. You showed attention immediately to the hurt child, you showed your older child exactly what the results of his actions were, you offered a chance to make amends (even if he didn't take it), etc. I don't really think that anything else you can do at this point would have as much impact as seeing his baby brother crying and bleeding, you know? Probably up until now, you tell him "don't throw rocks" has been abstract - now he knows concretely what can happen and why it's dangerous. And, like the PP said, the lesson for you is that, at least for now, you can't leave them alone at all.

 

[LynnS6]

Yep, they just need not to be alone together for a while. One will have to come with you until the baby is old enough to be a little more defensive.<br><br>
My sister had a similar scare. She dashed off to the bathroom and came back into the living room to see my niece holding a huge pumpkin by the stem over her sister's head. The stem was about 1/4" from breaking off and letting the pumpkin fall on the baby's head. According to my niece, she was "showing" the pumpkin to her sister. She just had <i>no</i> idea about the potential consequences of the action.<br><br>
3 year olds are short on impulse control and don't have a sense of long term consequences. Really, they can't be trusted. In a year, things will be better.

 

[wookie]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LynnS6</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15383142"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yep, they just need not to be alone together for a while. One will have to come with you until the baby is old enough to be a little more defensive.<br><b><br>
In a year, things will be better</b>.</div>
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Or maybe not.<br><br>
The other day my 4.5 yo wrapped the vacuum cleaner wire around my 1yo's throat <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"> I was RIGHT there in the room just had my back turned on them. I heard the babe coughing and whipped around to that horrific scene. I admit I lost it on older ds then. Although I apologised to him later because really it`s my responsibility to be vigilant all. the. time. not his.<br><br>
Hope your baby is well, OP.

 

[BC mom]

Yes, you have all said it, I should not have left them alone together! I guess I let my guard down a little because nothing so drastic has ever happened, and it was literally 5 seconds.<br><br>
Wookie, OMG! I think I'll have to be very vigilant with my 2 little spirited munchkins as well!

 

[kavamamakava]

I used to feel like my life was that riddle with the farmer and the fox and chicken and the bag of grain and he needed to cross over a river in a boat that would only hold him and 2 items and he couldn't leave the fox with the chicken or the chicken with the grain.<br>
I'm glad your baby is ok and I think your son learned it's not ok to hit baby on the head with a rock.<br>
You just can't leave them together even for 5 seconds at this age <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[Mizelenius]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BC mom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15383258"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes, you have all said it, I should not have left them alone together! I guess I let my guard down a little because nothing so drastic has ever happened, and it was literally 5 seconds.<br></div>
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Oh, mama! I don't think you should "go there." I mean, hindsight is everything, but that is a dangerous road to walk. I think EVERY parent has done things he/she shouldn't have (repeatedly) but we only think about it when an accident happens. I know you feel bad enough-- adding guilt onto this is ridiculous!<br><br>
But, yes, unfortunately, it seems that now you can't leave them alone together. It won't be up to your 3 y.o. to learn-- it will be up to you to supervise 100% of the time. Frankly, however, I don't see how that will be possible.<br><br>
I realized recently that I count my free time in minutes. How can you count yours in seconds??? You need backup!<br><br>
Hugs, mama. So glad your sweet baby is OK!

 

[BC mom]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mizelenius</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15384024"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh, mama! I don't think you should "go there." I mean, hindsight is everything, but that is a dangerous road to walk. I think EVERY parent has done things he/she shouldn't have (repeatedly) but we only think about it when an accident happens. I know you feel bad enough-- adding guilt onto this is ridiculous!<br><br>
But, yes, unfortunately, it seems that now you can't leave them alone together. It won't be up to your 3 y.o. to learn-- it will be up to you to supervise 100% of the time. Frankly, however, I don't see how that will be possible.<br><br>
I realized recently that I count my free time in minutes. How can you count yours in seconds??? You need backup!<br><br>
Hugs, mama. So glad your sweet baby is OK!</div>
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Thank you! My baby is fine. Its hard not to feel mama guilt sometimes! I am lucky, my boys both nap together most afternoons, so I do actually get a little break. And right now, DH is with DS1 and DS2 is asleep!

 

[daisymama12]

I'm reading this from a little further down the road, my boys are 6 and 9 now. I remember that time as being very physically demanding time.<br><br>
I think most mamas take calculated chances - run to get the wipes in the other room, go grab the phone, etc. and 99% of the time it's fine. Totally do not feel guilty!<br>
I'd stay on high alert & not leave them alone together for a while, for sure, but it will pass. I think you did everything you could to alert your older ds to the danger/implications of throwing rocks at others.

 

[karika]

don't leave them alone together for any length of time, take baby with you when you need to go to bathroom. My dds are spaced farther, so I thought I would have a help mate in dd1. Nope. She just doesn't understand how to be gentle. It really irks me after reading about indigenous children taking their baby sibs in slings out around the village. If I leave them alone together, dd1 is all over her and dd2 does not like it. She wants her space. I give them a few minutes alone every now and then (while I spy unseen) and am still not convinced dd2 is safe alone with dd1, so I just don't do it. She has never hit her enough to draw blood though, that would really freak me out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s

 

[petitchou]

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I used to feel like my life was that riddle with the farmer and the fox and chicken and the bag of grain and he needed to cross over a river in a boat that would only hold him and 2 items and he couldn't leave the fox with the chicken or the chicken with the grain.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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hahahahaha<br><br>
That is so my life right now. My two boys are almost the same ages and I can totally see ds1 doing this. I was actually on mdc tonight to see if I could find any suggestions on dealing with the aggression. I don't have anything better than constant supervision either. Glad your little one in okay!