My 5.5 year old son is a real talker. For whatever reason, he knows a surprising amount about a number of subjects. He is finishing kindergarten and has had a great year, but the teacher does say he has a problem with "participating" too much in class. When the teacher or another child is talking about something he knows about, he can't help but start talking about it too. He doesn't do it in a "know-it-all" way, he is trying to be helpful, and his teacher agrees this is a totally age-appropriate impulse control thing. But I understand that this can be disruptive in school and eventually could cause social problems. We were at the kids museum today and twice he overheard another family talking about something and involved himself in their conversation. I pointed out to him that he was interrupting, that they were not talking to him. Is that the best way to handle this? I love his curiousity and enthusiasm; I'd like to teach him a way to channel these without just shutting down. Any ideas?
DS interrupts/takes over discussions
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When ds first started at school he was the same. He goes to a christian school and they were talking about the 10 commandments and when they came to the adultary one the teacher explained that this was kinda like someone taking another persons husband or wife and and my ds shouted no way thats kidnapping! :LOL
I usually talk to ds about this kind of thing when we're at home, he used to always interrupt constantly when i had a visitor so i sat him down and we talked about how its hard to talk when someone is interrupting and sometimes it can make you forget what your talking about, so now he wil say excuse me mum or put his hand on my knee and waits till i've finished.
With the school thing i know it sounds cheesy but we did a role play kind of thing where he was the teacher talking and i was him interrupting, he chose what he was gonna talk about, so i kept interjecting at first he was just cracking up laughing but after a while he was like "jeez can you just shut-up!". So then i explained thats how frustrating it is for the teacher when he interrupts. Most schools usually get kids to put their hands up when they want to ask something so now hes got the hang of that so its not an issue anymore. It hasnt stopped his enthusiasm he still asks lots of questions and the teacher says that he still loves to share his 'knowledge' but is saving it untill the right time.
Hope this helps a little.
I usually talk to ds about this kind of thing when we're at home, he used to always interrupt constantly when i had a visitor so i sat him down and we talked about how its hard to talk when someone is interrupting and sometimes it can make you forget what your talking about, so now he wil say excuse me mum or put his hand on my knee and waits till i've finished.
With the school thing i know it sounds cheesy but we did a role play kind of thing where he was the teacher talking and i was him interrupting, he chose what he was gonna talk about, so i kept interjecting at first he was just cracking up laughing but after a while he was like "jeez can you just shut-up!". So then i explained thats how frustrating it is for the teacher when he interrupts. Most schools usually get kids to put their hands up when they want to ask something so now hes got the hang of that so its not an issue anymore. It hasnt stopped his enthusiasm he still asks lots of questions and the teacher says that he still loves to share his 'knowledge' but is saving it untill the right time.
Hope this helps a little.
From a teacher's perspective...I think that the teacher needs to take responsibility for what happens in her classroom. If your ds is interrupting, she needs to address it at the time that it happens. It is not a matter of your son, it is an issue of classroom routines and control that is her responsiblity.
When he does it while you are with him, then you can address it with him at that time. I would try to remain positive, with comments like "that is nice that you know about such and such, but this conversation is between so and so." After a few weeks of pleasant reminders, if he continues to do it or you feel as though he is willfully disrespecting you, then it becomes a 'behavioral issue'. But really it just sounds to me like he gets lots of attention at home, and is always listened to. As a result, he is comfortable talking whenever the impulse hits.
When he does it while you are with him, then you can address it with him at that time. I would try to remain positive, with comments like "that is nice that you know about such and such, but this conversation is between so and so." After a few weeks of pleasant reminders, if he continues to do it or you feel as though he is willfully disrespecting you, then it becomes a 'behavioral issue'. But really it just sounds to me like he gets lots of attention at home, and is always listened to. As a result, he is comfortable talking whenever the impulse hits.
I agree with Suzetta, the teacher needs to work on it in school and you need to help him at home. I'd think that since the behavior is age-appropriate that she should have some tools and techniques ready. For home, I like the role-playing idea, that would really drive the point home.
This is just starting to be a problem in our house, and it drives me nuts. If I don't stop it we can end up with the three older girls shouting to be heard over each other and then the baby joins in because, hey, everyone else is yelling and she's not going to be left out.
So when one of them starts to interrupt I'm trying to remember to pause and remind them that dh or I are talking and can they please wait a minute. Then we finish our conversation (usually by saying we'll finish it later) and I turn back to dd and ask her what she wanted to say.
This is just starting to be a problem in our house, and it drives me nuts. If I don't stop it we can end up with the three older girls shouting to be heard over each other and then the baby joins in because, hey, everyone else is yelling and she's not going to be left out.
So when one of them starts to interrupt I'm trying to remember to pause and remind them that dh or I are talking and can they please wait a minute. Then we finish our conversation (usually by saying we'll finish it later) and I turn back to dd and ask her what she wanted to say.
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Both my dh and Abi interrupt a *lot*. I have been telling her, "Abi, it's my turn to talk. When I'm finished talking, then it will be your turn." I then finish my sentence and ask her what she wanted to say. She has actually told my dh, when he interrupts me, that "it's mommy's turn to talk." :LOL
Jenny has to say "excuse me" if she wants to speak while someone else is talking. We (DH and I) ignore her until she says it. We've tried other ways of handling it, but ignoring her is the only way to get our point across at the time. We always take the time to talk about good manners and why they are so important, interrupting conversations is bad manners and not tolerated in our house.
Thanks for all the advice! We'll definitely try the role playing and gentle reminder ideas. He knows and understands the rules at school (raise your hand before talking) but can't seem to resist blurting things out. Unfortunately, I think when he raises his hand the teacher doesn't call on him much because she wants to give others a turn. So he probably feels like if he raises his hand he'll never get a chance to participate!
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We do that too! :LOL I don't feel good about it but she's becoming very polite. The act of remembering to say "excuse me" is often enough to make her realize that others are talking right now and she needs to wait her turn. She also whispers (very loudly) while I'm on the phone.
Originally Posted by stafl Jenny has to say "excuse me" if she wants to speak while someone else is talking. We (DH and I) ignore her until she says it. We've tried other ways of handling it, but ignoring her is the only way to get our point across at the time. We always take the time to talk about good manners and why they are so important, interrupting conversations is bad manners and not tolerated in our house. |
I wonder if any of you run into this problem. My dd will be trying to talk to an adult while they are having a conversation with another adult. She will come up to them, say excuse me and say their name. They will completely ignore her. She tries and tries, but the adults never break their stride speaking to one another.
If I walked up to adults and they behaved this way, it would be the height of rudeness. But it happens to her everyday.
Sometimes she shrugs and walks off. Sometimes she becomes more persistent. Sometimes I repeat what she is saying: then the adults spontaneously regain their hearing.
She's 4.5. I wonder effect it's going to have on her. Will she stop trying to talk to adults? Will she start just interrupting?
I think by the time she's 5.5 or 6 she may just start talking figuring that maybe they'll get it, maybe they won't, but at least she won't be standing there for long minutes hoping the adult will bother to stop talking to listen to her.
While I model politeness in conversation for her, I am absolutely amazed that some adults think it's perfectly alright to be rude to children.
If I walked up to adults and they behaved this way, it would be the height of rudeness. But it happens to her everyday.
Sometimes she shrugs and walks off. Sometimes she becomes more persistent. Sometimes I repeat what she is saying: then the adults spontaneously regain their hearing.
She's 4.5. I wonder effect it's going to have on her. Will she stop trying to talk to adults? Will she start just interrupting?
I think by the time she's 5.5 or 6 she may just start talking figuring that maybe they'll get it, maybe they won't, but at least she won't be standing there for long minutes hoping the adult will bother to stop talking to listen to her.
While I model politeness in conversation for her, I am absolutely amazed that some adults think it's perfectly alright to be rude to children.
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I have seen this happen to Abi, too, and I will actually say to them, "Abi has something to say to you." and then turn to Abi and say, "Thank you for saying excuse me, Abi. Now what did you want to say?"
Originally Posted by chfriend I wonder if any of you run into this problem. My dd will be trying to talk to an adult while they are having a conversation with another adult. She will come up to them, say excuse me and say their name. They will completely ignore her. She tries and tries, but the adults never break their stride speaking to one another. |
I usually thank her for being polite and using her manners, and ask her to wait until they are finished talking and then it will be her turn. Lots of people don't realize how rude/impolite it is to do that until you point it out to your child in front of them.
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