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DS is only 15 months and I'm already getting hassled!

616 Views 14 Replies 14 Participants Last post by  momof3sweeties
I'm planning on homeschooling (thinking about unschooling) DS and my mom is ALREADY giving me grief! I think she's taking it as a personal attack on her parenting because I went to public school. DS is WAY too smart to waste his time in a public school!

Did anyone else have trouble with family/friends being troublesome about homeschooling?
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I fully intend to homeschool my two kiddos. my dad told me yesterday that you should only homeschool if your "qualified" to teach.
it's so black and white to some people,yk?
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My older daughter is not even 4 and I get weird looks from people because she's not in preschool. The pressure starts early.

In general, I think grandparents get defensive over odd things that we choose to do differently. I've still yet to figure out how to avoid this.
yep. you learn to let them shoot their mouths off, and sweetly say, "thank you for your concern. i'll keep your ideas in mind."

do not engage in debate. just keep thanking them and being nice.

took me about 10 years to figure this out. took my folks another three or four to figure out that their methods were not working, and back off... but they DID back off.

now i have new ILs, with a new baby. FIL started in on us, at christmas, about vaccinations. i remembered my own advice, and applied it right away. it worked! he's convinced i'm a loony, but that i'm also a very polite and hardheaded loony to boot.

wish someone had told me this 18 years ago!

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Yep, I was hassled before my first was even born. The tactic I eventually adopted was to explain my reasons *once* and after that refuse to engage. If they're just fundamentally philosophically opposed to it you're probably not going to change their minds. But school and school culture are so established that to challenge them is really challenging a fundamental element of society. Especially if you practice unschooling or child led learning, you are shaking the foundations of how people view childhood, learning, and life. We are revolutionaries here!
Girl, get used to it! You're going to hear the stupidest comments from people; the stupidest and most common being "What about socialization?" (I hear this one when I'm out at SOCIAL functions with the kids

Society in general is grossly ignorant of what it means to homeschool, and for some reason they always visualize the worst. The only thing you can tell people is, "If you see a problem with the kids' education or social abilities, then you can talk to me about it." But my kids are very confident and obviously more book-smart than other kids in their age groups. Sooo, then they can't say anything.
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Hi all. I was on these boards way back when DD Aubrey was still a bun in the oven, but dropped off. Now she is 4 and I am back, mostly to get support and ideas for homeschooling.

We have always been inclined to homeschool, even before we knew we were going to have children. I expected that we would encounter a lot of resistance when she got to be 5 and it would be time to enroll in PS. I NEVER expected to get all the pressure when she was 3! It comes not just from family, but from some of our friends, and most often from strangers that we meet who ask, "How old are you, little girl?" Then she says "4." and they reply, "What school do you go to?" I am just floored by this.

When the majority of the children in our circle of friends reached the age of 3, they started pre-school. I understand that the parents wanted their kids to be excited about this (possibly intimidating) new step, but they just hyped it up sooooo much in our presence, that Aubrey started to feel left out. It reached a head when a good friend was talking excitedly about their DD, 6 months younger than ours, going to pre-school soon. Aubrey hung her head, kicked the dirt, and said "I'm not old enough to go to pre-school." (Aubrey KNOWS that she is older than this other littel girl.) It just broke my heart!

So, we started talking about homeschooling with Aubrey. An acquaintance who also homeschools refers to "non-homeschoooling" as "away school". I really like this phrase, as opposed to "school", "pre-school", or worst, "real school". So now that we have given Aubrey something to say in response to those ever-present questions, she happily says, "We are homeschooling."

All that being said, I really started to doubt myself in the last few months and have been thinking about some sort of pre-school for her. I don't think I really have any good reasons, other than wanting her to be more comfortable in groups of children. Deep down, I know it is just a crisis of confidence. So, I went to the library and got Teach Your Own by John Holt, and after reading a few chapters, as well as these boards this morning, I am feeling better. Not to mention, the $3000 that we might have spent on Montessori can go a long way toward some great learning materials, field trips, musical instruments, etc.

OK, this post was longer than I intended!

Thanks for the great community here.

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I didn't know I was going to homeschool until I did. So, I didn't have to deal with any pre-homeschool issues. I was not prepared for the reactions when we did start homeschooling. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut. When I first started homeschooling, I was ambushed by my father and his wife. They cornered me and attempted to convince me how wrong this was. 6 years later...Just two days ago my father's wife was complaining to me about what my niece is learning in school, etc. Now they are my biggest advocates. I never did anything to convince them that homeschooling was right. As I said, I kept my mouth shut. They simply saw it for themselves and over the years realized that school is the wrong way to go.
I just wanted to say I am lucky and my mom has always supported my consideration of homeschooling (I only recently decided on it for sure), but she works with someone who homeschooled their children. However, I think a good way to make it feel like less of an attack on how your parents educated you is to say "I am unhappy with the way schools have changed over the past x years". Because for me, I am. No recess, teaching for tests, pushing so much so early, etc. It is NOT the way it was when I went to school, and I don't want my kids there. I'm fine with the way I was educated. Some things could have been better, sure. But I also know my son will not be going to schools like I did.
They started harrassing me when DC was 2. What a weird world!
To the OP.
Did you tell your mom that things and society have changed drastically since she sent you to public school?
Maybe then she will be more understanding
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Yup i got the lectures from my dad when he found out i was planning on it, He said its the worst mistake you'll make and i asked why? he said "because she'll never go to the prom" :LOL oh good grief dad i never did go and i went to school. Only comment he had was socialization and well i let him have it, mainly on my extremem negative experiences with socializaiton in school which he had no idea how bad it was for me. He hasn't said much since that debate.
I think once I explain to my mom my reasons for choosing homeschooling, she’ll understand a little better. I hate what public schools are turning into. Mandatory mental health screenings, teaching towards the standardized tests, “no child left behind,” things like that. I plan on working with the local schools and youth organizations so that DS will be able to have the best of both worlds. The superior education of homeschooling, and the extracurricular activities of public schools. A lot of states are actually requiring their schools to allow homeschooled kids to participate on sports teams and other clubs.
We aren't telling anyone until it's time for her that she would go to school. I figure we'll save a couple of years of harrasement
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It's best not to say anything. When the time comes just tell everyone what you decided. A friend of mine gave everyone in her family The Womanly Art of Breast Feeding and an Attachment parenting book and said..."we are going to be nursing till the baby weans itself...could be 2 or 5 yos but it will be when ever he is ready...and this is what we are doing so you are aware of our parenting philosophy and can understand it better." No one gave her any problems in her family. Maybe when it is time you can hand out homeschooling books (some John Holt books would be good) and links to various websites that support what you are planning to do.

I get questions every once in awhile. The biggest one is...."Aren't you concerned about the socialization your kids are missing from school." If they have kids I respond,"Aren't you concerned about the socialization your kids ARE getting in school??" That usually shuts them up.

If they don't have kids or little ones before school age...I usually can have a good conversation with them about "socialization". It is interesting how many people think socialization for kids can only happen in school with kids their own age. Kids not in school have the ability to socialize with adults, kids of various ages and experience the real world first hand.

My mom was concerned it would be too much for me homeschooling because I live far from family and never get many breaks away from my kids. But then after watching the Columbine shootings on the news, hearing regular bad stuff going on in schools and seeing nationwide how the schools are failing our children she thought I was doing the right thing by homeschooling.

To those skeptical of homeschooling...don't even try mentioning unschooling. They think it means NO SCHOOL so NO LEARNING.. I couldn't believe how many negative responses I got for just discussing unschooling to people. It's best just to say we're homeschooling. They aren't going to check in on your day to day lives anyway.
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