[oceanbaby]

My 5yo is making me crazy with this. He will obviously have to pee (holding his crotch, dancing, crossing legs, the whole thing) and will absolutely refuse to go to the bathroom. Often it is a situation where we are leaving the house or leaving a restaurant or something, and are going to be in the car or at a playground with no good bathrooms. I remind him of this, explain to him that he should use the bathroom while there is one available, but he gets angry just hearing me suggest it. Totally refuses to use the toilet, or even try.

And then of course he asks to use the bathroom 15 minutes later when it is completely inconvenient. It is maddening to me and unfair to ds2, because I often have to grab him off the slide that he just got onto to trek away and find a bathroom. It's really irritating me that he won't go when there is a bathroom available.

Also, when he does this, he then also yells that it hurts when he pees. This only happens when he's waited too long, so I really don't think it's an infection or anything. I have explained to him why this is, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.

This has been going on for a loooong time, almost since he gave up diapers 1.5 years ago!

Please, how can I get him to use the bathroom when it's convenient and before it's an emergency?

 

[chel]

my dd is similar, but she shows no signs and the all of a sudden needs a bathroom NOW.

 

[Hayes]

Stop asking him to go. Before you leave home or a restaurant, let him know it is bathroom time. Take him. Everyone goes. Then you can leave. I have 4 children now, so we do this all the time. I simply cannot schlep everyone to the bathroom because one wants to be stubborn and have his or her way.

We just all go potty before we leave, and then it isn't an issue, usually!

 

[OakBerry]

My ds used to do this too, and still does at times. If I ask him, and arguement always ensues.
I do what the other poster said, I take him by the hand or dh takes him by the hand and I go to the bathroom. If he says no I tell him nobody will be there to watch him, EVERYONE is in the bathroom, so he has to go with either mom or dad. He usually agrees to "come watch". Once he's in the stall with me, he suddenly remembers that he has to go to, and he has to go first, of course.

I make very few rules, but trying to go pee before we leave to get in the car has been established by habit.

I also carry a liter beverage tupperware container with a tight fitting lid in the truck. He's peed in that too many times to count. We call it the emergency pee bottle.

 

[oceanbaby]

I haven't had much luck forcing him to come to the bathroom with me, and I hate to turn bathroom issues into a screaming crying issue. I want him to be in control of his own bodily functions. But, I also think he needs to recognize that it impacts the rest of us and that he needs to use the bathroom when it's available. I guess maybe I'll have to start dragging everyone to the bathroom all the time, not just when it's obvious he has to go.

 

[teachma]

My ds went through this at 4. He potty-learned rather early (2.5 years old) and never had any issues until a year and a half later. For a while, I jokingly called him "The Iron Bladder" because he could hold it forever. He actually never got to the point where he was doing the legs-crossed pee-pee dance, he could just, well, hold it seemingly comfortably. For up to 10 hours! He'd pee when he woke up, and refuse to go all day at preschool, still refuse when he came home at 1:30, and then...I could usually convince him that he HAD to try before dinner at 5. It's miraculous that he never had a bladder infection. Well, fast forward a year later and he became completely compulsive about having to go ALL the TIME!! We saw our pediatrician about this matter, and he said the holding in and the compulsive all-day bathroom visits are the flip sides of the same issue: control. Anyway, after all this...I think your instinct to want your dc to be in control of his own body, oceanbaby, is right on! We finally emerged from this endless struggle but ds clearly needed some support in gauging when he needed to "go" for a while. Now, he's back to normal.

 

[sunnmama]

Dd was doing this a while back, and was waiting to the point of accidents. It was definitely a control issue. The approach that worked for us was giving her information, and then not mentioning it again. For example, whenever we were out of the house and I could tell that she needed to use the potty, I would say "I want you to know that there is a bathroom right over there. I will be happy to take you if you need to go." She would inevitably say, "Ok. I don't need to go." But then 5 minutes later come to me and ask to go. It broke the power struggle, and we haven't struggled since.