Mothering Forum banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
451 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ds will be 3 in July and is doing a great job using the potty for peeing but is scared to poop there. If I leave him without a diaper he starts to poop on the floor and then gets really scared and runs (needless to say the mess is pretty bad). I've resorted to putting a diaper on him when he says he needs to poop and that works fine but this seems like I'm hot really dealing with the issue. I've tried role playing with his stuffed toys but he always says that they have only gone peepee and not poopoo in the potty like him. I also have him come into the bathrrom with me and show him the toilet contents (poor kid) and he just says," Good job Mummy!" Any words of wisdom?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
No practical advice for you, but my ds stopped pee-ing in the potty, so if we put them together we'd have properly potty trained children. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,119 Posts
I think this is <i>really</i> common. Ds started using the potty for pee at exactly 3 yo. Did it perfectly. No issues. But, he refused to poop in there. We got to the point where each day he'd just come up to me and say, "I need a diaper" and then he'd go and then he'd come get me and say, "I'm done now" and we change it. I figured no pressure, he'll be ready soon, give it a couple of weeks. . . .. Soooooooo, 6 months later he was still doing it. . . . .9 months later he was still doing it. We had a talk. Everyone has to do it sometime. When do you think you'll be ready? Daddy does it. Big bro does it, blah blah blah. And one day he started doing it. I don't think I could have done much differently. He was ready when he was ready.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
I know this is going to sound gross but...<br><br>
When I was toddler, I refused to defecate in the toilet. I would urinate but I would refuse to defecate in it.<br><br>
I didn't understand the concept of what was being asked of me.<br><br>
Then my mom had this great idea. She took me into the bathroom with her, she defecated in front of me, in the toilet, she got up, showed me, and she says that my face lit up.<br><br>
Next time I wanted to go I used the toilet no problem, and I was fully potty trained at 25 months and never used a diaper again.<br><br>
I am planning on doing the same with my kids.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,119 Posts
Well, it's not gross. My kid has seen his mom, dad, brother use the toliet a hundred times. Probably his grandma, too. He still didn't want to go in there.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,445 Posts
Both of my kids have been this way. Dd is 35 months, has been out of diapers since November of last year. For several months after that, she would not use the potty at all to poop. In the last month, she's pooped in the potty about 25% of the time, and in her pull-up at night the rest of the time.<br><br>
It's very normal. Is he using a small potty or is he on the big potty? A lot of kids are afraid to poop in the big potty (it's a long ways down!). It's also not as comfortable for them because they have nothing to push against so it's hard to get it out. Let's face it, they're used to squatting and pooping, and that's a quite different from sitting and doing it!<br><br>
Give it time. If he's still doing it when he's 4, I'd be surprised!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,601 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jtbuko</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944564"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...if we put them together we'd have properly potty trained children....</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:medium;"><span>Or, you might end up with a plan-gone-very-wrong and yeild the result of a 100% diapered child again! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> ....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:</span></span></span><br><br><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span><span>OP:</span> have you addressed the "scared of the twirly" conversation with your DS yet?<br><br>
My DS was afraid he'd be sucked into the twirly. My DP assured him there was no way he'd fit down there, showed him his feet, made a ring our of his hands (simulation toilet bowl hole <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) and said "See? The hole is way to small for even your foot to fit" as he tried to cram DS's foot into the "hole". We went over the details about this (mostly DS bringing it up; informing me that his foot was too big to fit) for about a week. Very soon after that, he started going poop on the potty (and we made a BIIIIIIIG deal out of it when he did).</span></span></span><span><br><br><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">The only flaw with that was, he tried to stick his foot in the actual toilet a couple times to show me....luckily, I caught him before he did (toilets gross me out bigtime).</span></span><br><br><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">Now, if only we could get him to flush! (he's suddenly scared of the flush sound...which used to be cool).</span></span><br><br><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">.</span></span></span>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
451 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for your input.<br>
Lynn, he uses both the big toilet and a small potty to pee and doesn't seem to mind either. It's just the pooping that scares him. I do think that the position he gets in has something to do with it - he's either on all fours or standing up, bracing himself against something... and he's a private pooper and doesn't mind sitting in it for hours. I AM worried that he'll be doing it when he's four because we just a met a four y/o doing the same thing!<br>
Blu Razzberri, I don't think it's the toilet flush - he flushes it all the time!<br>
I guess my question is - should I be putting his diaper on for him to poop or is that counter-productive? I'm 30 weeks pg and am having a hard time scrubbing the trails of poop out of the carpet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I know he won't be doing this forever but anything that would speed up the process would be helpful.<br>
Thanks in advance.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,766 Posts
We are working on PT right now and haven't gotten it close to perfect, but DD's 4 y.o. friend has the same issue. One thing that I read suggested by others was to slowly work up to pooping. First, have the child touch the potty while pooping in a diaper. Then have the child sit on the potty while pooping in the diaper. Then cut a hole in the diaper so the poop goes into the toilet. Finally take the diaper off. This didn't work with DD's friend because he is just so afraid of pooping on the potty. I think, with him, it will just take time to get over whatever he is afraid of.<br><br>
HTH.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,445 Posts
Put him in diapers for now. There are two things worse than changing a poopy diaper:<br>
1. Scrubbing poop out of the carpet and<br>
2. A severely constipated child<br><br>
I would then change him in the bathroom, put the poop in the toilet and let it go. In a couple of weeks, ask him gently when he asks for a diaper if he wants to try on the potty first? Keep asking and if he says 'no', just put the diaper on him.<br><br>
Then, about 3-4 months after the new baby is born, personally, I'd bribe him MAJORLY to poop in the big toilet. With ds it was a combination of the bribe + making him put his own pull-up on that made the difference. If I could figure out something to bribe dd with, I'd do that too!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,348 Posts
See, I wouldn't put him in diapers or bribe him to use the toilet.<br><br>
It's always worked well with my kids to ditch the diapers 100%, no looking back. No pressure or bribes to use the potty. If they don't want to sit on it, they don't have to. When they'd have an accident I'd say, "oh well, next time you can use the potty." It's inconvenient for a little bit, but they do learn faster, and you avoid the all-too-common power struggles.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,080 Posts
It so depends on your kid. DS1 is 37 months - he is almost 100% using the potty - but man is pooping difficult. He has always (since he could stand) pooped standing up, leaning over on something, and it's always been a every two-or-three days event, not an every day event.<br><br>
We got to the point with all potty learning where I could change his diaper and be yelled at and kicked, force him to use the potty and be yelled at and kicked, or change his clothes after he peed in them and be yelled at and kicked. I decided to go for option B. I put diapers on him when he said he wanted one to poop for several months. Finally we "caught" a poop on the potty and made a HUGE deal out of it - trip to toy store for desired object. Then we got icecream bars for bribes for future poops on potty.<br><br>
But he still behaves in ways that push me to the very edge of anything resembling gentle parenting for several hours before he will go poop on the potty, and sometimes I have to hold him there long enough for him to start pooping. It's not *fear* at all - he has no anxiety about flushing or falling in or anything - it's as far as I can tell just an overwhelming physical sensation for him and he doesn't want to give in to it.<br><br>
What is working (sort of) for us right now is that if I can tell he needs to poop, I make him spend some time standing up and/or walking around, and it helps to let him be naked, too. Naked, he's more likely to go to the potty than if he's got on clothes (then he asks for a diaper).<br><br>
Personally, though, in your situation I'd let go of it and use diapers for poop until you're at least 2 or 3 months postpartum. Maybe he'll figure it out himself in the meantime - maybe he won't - either way, it'll be a different situation by then.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,122 Posts
OP, my DS does the exact same thing. He's 30 months. He does not want to poop on the potty but has been pee potty learned for at least 3 months. I know that he holds poo until he requests a diaper. I really don't want him to get in the habit of holding it. I have heard of too many constipated toddlers retaining their poo.<br><br>
I've just been giving him a diaper when he asks for it. Also, this may not be for everyone, but I've been encouraging him to go outside! He did today... he walked outside, squatted down, and pooed. I figure at least it gives him the practice of knowing when he has to go and doing it and seeing the result, yk? And it's also doing it somewhere NOT in a diaper! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
GL!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,119 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mamabeakley</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7950693"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It so depends on your kid. DS1 is 37 months - he is almost 100% using the potty - but man is pooping difficult. He has always (since he could stand) pooped standing up, leaning over on something, and it's always been a every two-or-three days event, not an every day event.<br>
.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Ds was exactly like that. From 10 months on, he has had to stand up, or lean over the coffee table, bum in the air to poop. And it was every few days. I thought there was no way he'd ever go in the potty if he physically needed to go in a different postition. And it was a big event, like laying on the table for a while, then deciding it wasn't time. 30 minutes later trying again, etc. When he finally started going in the potty, that all stopped. Now he goes once a day quickly. His diet didn't change. I don't understand. It was pretty sudden.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,402 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sunnysideup</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7950207"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">See, I wouldn't put him in diapers or bribe him to use the toilet.<br><br>
It's always worked well with my kids to ditch the diapers 100%, no looking back. No pressure or bribes to use the potty. If they don't want to sit on it, they don't have to. When they'd have an accident I'd say, "oh well, next time you can use the potty." It's inconvenient for a little bit, but they do learn faster, and you avoid the all-too-common power struggles.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Okay, so I've been considering doing this. My DS goes potty in the toilet all the time unless he's asleep. I'm wondering what to do at night?? Did you take them away for nighttime as well??<br><br>
My son is the same as yours OP. He's 2 1/2 and has pooped on the toilet twice. My 9 month old however, has gone on the toilet 4 times!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I have no advice as he doesn't seem scared at all, just unwilling. We can comiserate!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
24 Posts
My DD is 38 months and has similar issues. She will even go and put her own pull up on to poop. She has had constipation difficulties and it has been a nightmare. She was very ill and became constipated due to dehyration. She began to hold it. This led to major anxiety and resulted in temper tantrums. Her consitpation was so severe we had to put her on medication. Two months later she has stopped holding it, but refuses to go on the potty or toilet. We're trying to bribe her, but no success. She recently told me she is afraid it is going to hurt again. My heart breaks for her anxiety and fear, but I admit to getting frustrated too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,252 Posts
We are just starting our potty training journey (DD is almost 19 months) but I have been reading Elizabeth Pantley's the No Cry Potty Training Solution. She has a chapter in there on dealing with problems. It sounds like what you are facing isn't uncommon. Many children don't like to go BM in the potty for several reasons (they see it as a part of themselves, it takes longer and they don't have the patience for it, some may have been scared by a water splash or a hard, painful bm). She has several suggestions in there, one is to start by having him sit on the potty, with a diaper on to have a BM, then put the diaper in the potty to catch the BM, then eventually take it away. Another is to cut a hole in the diapers so that they can feel the diapers on them, but the BM falls through into the potty or toilet.<br>
Good luck.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top