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DS's rages

946 Views 10 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  BelovedK
DS has been Dx as having early onset bipolar and has panic attacks and lacks control of his anger. Tonight he had to go to his dad's, which he hates (another whole thread) and was building a lego thingy. I had plans after i dropped him off, so i wanted to leave on time. I bought the legos for him to have something to do at his other house. Well, I gave him ample warning that we had to leave (like he had requested I do in an earlier conversation), yet still decided to start a project.

He got so frustrated bc I was encouraging him to get ready to leave that he eventually yelled a curse word that I can't use here (begins w/ a F) and threw his half built creation hard onto the floor. I wanted to cry, but held it together so i would not 'go there' with him. The idea being to lead him out of that scary, dark place. He then proceeded to kick the cat
(I did get firm with him about hurting another living being)

I guess I'm feeling bad, like I was being selfish to have had other plans while he was supposed to be at his dad's. I know I could've probably waited for a while for him to finish his project. I feel guilty.

I'm worried about when he goes back to school and has more pressure to do homework, etc. (I wanted to HS him, but he refused)

I don't know why i even am posting this, i guess i just need supportive words, honest words and advice.

I already have the book 'The Explosive Child' (thanks Dar for suggesting it) I guess it's time to resume reading.

It's easy to become complacent in the summer when there is NO pressure, then deal with it all over again when the school year begins.

For DS, a big trigger is going to his dad's. I can do nothing about that though. The only time I work is when they are at their dad's, it's not like I'm out partying. I think i deserve to have plans on a Wed night if i need to. DSs needs are important too. I'm just trying to find the middle ground where we can all get our needs met.
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You have a right to have plans for yourself one night a week, if your children have to go to their dad's anyway. You are not being unreasonable. You didn't say how old your ds is but I am guessing that he's a preteen or teen since you talk about going back to school and all.

Good for you for not joining him in that bad place when he destroyed his project. It must be hard for you to consciously think about that when something bad is happening inside your son.
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Thanks for letting me vent. I also thought that I shouldn't feel guilty about having plans while they are supposed to be at dads (when I'm not working) It's not fair (what is?) X has a very flexible schedule and can pretty much date, and do as he pleases while I have this rigid work schedule while they are with him (self imposed) I choose to work when they're not with me and have time for them when we're together.

This whole issue with DS (11) is so hard bc I know it is only going to get worse as the school year starts and he still has to go to his dads. Sorry for rambling. I don't even know what I want, maybe opinions from other mamas who have rage-prone children, and hugs

X posted in single parenting
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My dd is the same age as your is such a hard age for both of us.

She sometimes just freaks out on me too, it is so hard to know if I should do the right thing by, for example, with holding a privilege that she has lost due to breaking some mutually agreed upon standard, or if I should let it slide because I just don't want to set her off.

Last week I told her she could not go back outside to play until she had unloaded the clothes dryer and put the wet laundry into the dryer and started. Not that I think laundry is too big of a responsibility for an 11 year old anyway, but this was specifically because when she was cleaning her room, she threw a bunch of clean clothes into the laundry because she had neglected to put them away when I originally washed them, and they got wrinkled on her floor.

Anyway, she LAID DOWN ON THE FLOOR, and threw a TEMPER TANTRUM worthy of an enraged two year old. Simply because she had to switch some laundry around before she could go back outside!

I don't think there is anything wrong with her that a couple of years won't fix
and I bet the same is true of your son. Just keep on keepin' on, I tell myself when it gets tough. If I can live through this and keep setting a reasonable example of how a decent human being lives, she'll make it through ok!

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BelovedK, I hope you and your ds have had a good week since you posted this. I've been thinking about you both.
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Right now he is calm, but when school starts I imagine there will be more problems because there will be work to do
They get entirely too much homework. It is ridiculous and it makes life hell over here...but that's another thread in 'learning at school' Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts

I'm sure I'll be reposting about him again. With bipolar, there are good times in between the hard ones.

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He has been, this summer not so much. They all want to put him on meds, which if he is really bp, I would consider. He can't swallow pills though so that provides a roadblock. His 'talking doctor' never helped that much, he basically just tolerated it. I guess we will need to go back when school starts, honestly, short of Nonviolent Communication (which works when I remember to use it) I don't know what to do with him.

Today we had fun though, I have to just be in the moment with it all.

Does anyone else reading this have a child that has been Dx or is suspected of being bipolar? I guess this is going into the realm of special needs parenting, I may move this discussion there if it takes that turn.
Whether you are thinking about medicating him or not I would focus on teaching him to swallow pills. It is an important skill and would also open up options for supplementation if you want to think about that prior to trying medication. We had great success using this method

I would also suggest continuing to look for a psychologist that can work with both of you because whether you decide to go for medication or not these are big challenges and you all deserve to have the support.
Thanks, I think we will go back to his psychologist after school starts. I agree about the swallowing of pills. We used to give him fish oil in large doses, then the unthinkeable burst in his mouth bc it took him too long to swallow it. I swear before that he was swallowing just fine (slow, but fine)

Thanks for the to check
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WOW! that is a great idea. I'm gonna try it, Thank you
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