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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I thought I would share with you mamas this latest mess in 13 yr old DSS's life. I am making a go of detachment <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> but thought I would keep you updated.<br><br>
DSS has had a school project that he has known about for one month. Half of it was to be turned in two weeks ago. When it wasn't done, DH and his ex went in to talk to teacher and counselor. Our son is just not doing his work and making up a lot of excuses why. The whole project was due this past Tuesday. His mom took him out of school all day Tuesday to attend a concert and let him stay home and sleep on Wednesday. The project was not turned in on Thursday.<br><br>
She is lying to the teacher and saying he was sick and actually attacking the teacher in emails and saying how dare you question my integrity about him being sick and you (the teacher) don't care about him being sick and unable to finish the project. The thing is, my DH notified the school about the unexcused absences as this is probably getting close to 17 this year. He is trying to have the school document all the times she takes him out of school for nothing. Now the ex has been caught lying to the teacher who knows the child was out of school for the concert and sleeping in. Out of the 17 school abscenses this year probably only 3 or 4 are legit. DSS had 4 weeks to do this project and his mom is now abusing the teacher and threatening her with the principal. There is a very good chance DSS will get a zero on this major project. DSS's mom does not know who told the admistration about the concert.<br><br>
DH is appalled about the zero. My contribution was this: Sometimes the best things in life we can do for our children is let them fail. DSS needs to learn consequences for his actions and so does his mom. I let DH talk and was supportive, but did not feel badly about the situation as I think I am finally letting go of those things not under my control. DH had been calling the child and his mom offering support with the project. He wanted to help but was rejected. DSS lied on Wednesday to DH telling him the project was finished. I was able to sleep last night and just felt good about my level of involvement.
 

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Wow. What kind of concert requires you to miss school in the daytime, and still leaves you too tired to get up the next day? And at 13? Holy crap.<br><br>
I dunno - my mom used to keep me out of school occasionally for no reason and we'd go shopping or something - but I was an A student. I did get a wake up call when I took french immersion in grade 6 and, after missing several days, didn't understand what was going on at all - and got yelled at by the teacher. Maybe this will be your DSS's wake up call.<br><br>
I think your DH did the right thing - maybe this will actually sink in, coming from the school as opposed to a parent.
 

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I agree with you. Your dss should get zero and deal with the consequences of that. There is an age where a child needs to take control of their school work and I think at 13 with 4 weeks to do the project he should have got it done regardless of the concert. (I am someone who might take their child out of school to see a concert)....not if their school work was suffering though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The concert was at night but she took him out during the day to see the pre-show and exhibits. He has very low grades in general. The project got turned in on Friday morning. I am not sure about the grade as of yet. I would also take my child out for something special if his grades were ok, but the child would have to go to school the next day, tired or not. That is how life is, we suffer sometimes the next day when we do something fun the night before. I wouldn't take a child whose failing out for anything but illness.
 

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I'm actually taking my daughter to a concert tomorrow night and letting her stay home on Wednesday if she wants to. BUT (and it is a big but)... she gets straight A's and has missed a total of 2 days of school this year. And she's already gotten make-up work so she won't fall behind. If she were doing poorly or had a lot of absences - it wouldn't be happening. Nor would she get a pass on a project like your DSD had. Not with a month's notice.
 
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