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Due date next Friday

518 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  QueenOfTheMeadow
June 17. DS was born a week before his due date; I have been feeling so much sadness present with me. I'm a farmer's market vendor--all those moms with babies in slings...I'm not hating them or feeling bitter toward them anymore, just getting sadder as the morning goes on and I see so many.

I'm going to spend the morning of the 17th in the woods, alone and with a friend. Build a fire. Talk. Put in an earring in the new piercing I got, an amber stud I had made. It looks like a drop of honey. It looks like the beautiful, still feeling of being pregnant, suspended in the specialness of it, sure and sacred and wonderful. It's the color I imagine her little spirit to be, full of light. I chose it to remember not just my loss, but the special 10 weeks we had together.

She was my baby. Her name was Sara. I dreamed about her when I was losing her. We walked in a beautiful wet rainy aspen woods together, with the sunlight slanting in sideways, and played with moss and acorn caps. I know she is well, and safe, and happy. I am so sad that she won't be born this month. Just sad.... just walking through this sadness some more....
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What a beautiful morning you have planned for the due date.

I wish there were more than typed words to help ease your burden of sorrow as you carry it this week and beyond.

Be kind to yourself. be gentle. Do what feels right and good - think of Sara.

What a beautiful way you have of expressing your grief and your love for your daughter. I am so sorry for your loss, and will be praying for your healing. I know your daughter will be loving you forever, and will be with you as you walk.
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