I have been in the WORST emotional state for a few days now.. it just keeps getting worse and worse.
My mom asked me couple days ago if I was PMSing, I told her no that was last week and she responded to that by making a comment that I was being a bitch..
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(dont get me wrong, I get that a lot,
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I strive to profect being a bitch at certain times of the month... heck, all the time!)
I am depressed and its to the point that I did not do anything today but lay on the couch. It sucks!
I have a LOT of things going on right now..
job(lack there of),
money (lack there of),
love life (lack there of),
marriage (there of but lacking),
affection (lack there of),
someone to just hold me and not expect a piece of ass (LACK there of the later),
feelings of happiness (somewhere I have some)
I seem to find myself in this HUGE black hole the past couple days and its just getting bigger and bigger!!!
I just realized by looking at another thread (forgot mothers death day)...
It will be one year for me on the 23rd.
One year since my baby left my body.
I was thinking..
it did not have an impact a year to date when I found out he was dead inside me,
it did not have an impact a year to date when he actually died inside me (died then my body let go near 4 weeks later, u/s in 3rd week foudn out he was not alive, already 'knew' but needed the proof!)
My body has been so F'd up for the past year.. my periods are still not even close to being any sort of comfortable (dont want to use the word normal).
I do not know for sure, but I think my body (emotions) are grieving for this baby.. but my brain had not reminded me of this date until I seen the above mentioned thread.
ERRHRHHR!!
I hope this is whats up, I have been so depressed and I do not like feeling depressed.
Have not felt this way since the preg of my 4 yr old (depressed that is).
I just want to feel 80%.. I dont even care if I feel 100% or not.
Now, I am wondering... will anyone else remember my babys passing day?
This sucks!
My mom asked me couple days ago if I was PMSing, I told her no that was last week and she responded to that by making a comment that I was being a bitch..
(dont get me wrong, I get that a lot,
I am depressed and its to the point that I did not do anything today but lay on the couch. It sucks!
I have a LOT of things going on right now..
job(lack there of),
money (lack there of),
love life (lack there of),
marriage (there of but lacking),
affection (lack there of),
someone to just hold me and not expect a piece of ass (LACK there of the later),
feelings of happiness (somewhere I have some)
I seem to find myself in this HUGE black hole the past couple days and its just getting bigger and bigger!!!
I just realized by looking at another thread (forgot mothers death day)...
It will be one year for me on the 23rd.
One year since my baby left my body.
I was thinking..
it did not have an impact a year to date when I found out he was dead inside me,
it did not have an impact a year to date when he actually died inside me (died then my body let go near 4 weeks later, u/s in 3rd week foudn out he was not alive, already 'knew' but needed the proof!)
My body has been so F'd up for the past year.. my periods are still not even close to being any sort of comfortable (dont want to use the word normal).
I do not know for sure, but I think my body (emotions) are grieving for this baby.. but my brain had not reminded me of this date until I seen the above mentioned thread.
ERRHRHHR!!
I hope this is whats up, I have been so depressed and I do not like feeling depressed.
Have not felt this way since the preg of my 4 yr old (depressed that is).
I just want to feel 80%.. I dont even care if I feel 100% or not.
Now, I am wondering... will anyone else remember my babys passing day?
This sucks!
