[Angierae]

I've never experienced this before, but I am so scared to be pregnant again. I have always enjoyed my pregnancies, but I had an extremely painful ectopic in March and can't seem to let go of the fear that this one may not stick in the right place either. I really want to let it go and revel in the pregnancy, no matter how long it lasts, but I feel all tense.

I also got mixed signals from the OB today. I am only 10 dpo, but she said my uterus felt more like 6 weeks. She reminded me 20 times that I have an increased risk of another ectopic, and then kept saying that everything is probably fine. And she told me she wished I would have waited a couple more months to try again, that the drug they gave me can mess up my ovaries. I did wait as long as she told me to when I saw her in April! She totally stressed me out. She's not the OB I normally see, she fills in when he isn't there. I already feel so emtional and crazy and she made it so much worse.

I don't have a HB midwife out here in Philly yet, as my girls were born in Seattle--I think its time to start looking for one.

Anyone else have worries? Both of my losses were prior to 6 weeks, so I'm hoping if the next couple of weeks go smoothly I'll relax a little. I feel like I am running the gauntlet to get through this super early stage.

 

[aslmere]

Definately feeling a lot of anxiety. You aren't alone!!!

I didn't realize it until yesterday.. but I was really freaked aout that I had hurt my baby when bounced down the stairs on my bum (an accident..OW!)
I was practically in hysterics.
I called the OB and went in and everything looks good... but still I am having a hard time relaxing.

I realized that this is more my emotional reaction to this pregnancy.
I am so happy to be having this baby and want it so much, but part of me still has some PTSD and wonders if I really deserve a second chance.
I lost lianne and finn less than a year ago so of course I am going to feel some guilt about being happy to welcome a new baby while I am still so very sad that they are gone.

Last night I dreamed that their ghosts were trying to pull me out of bed.

That and the guilt that I am pregant with a baby that has at least a 50% chance of having a genetic disorder.

Anxiety that I need to deal with so this pregnancy can be as healthy as possible.

 

[Angierae]

Thank you for sharing! I am so sorry about the heartbreaking loss of your children. And dreaming about them like that!...my dreams are so vivid already with this pregnancy. You are right, the anxiety needs to be dealt with and not overwhelm the pregnancy. It feels better now that I've written it down, not quite so powerful.

 

[Writerbird]

I'm a little twitchy today, because I really feel as though I'm about to start my period. A little bloated and achy in that general region, but I've used every test in the house. It doesn't help that I really have no other symptoms other than sore breasts... again, typical PMS.

And of course I feel stupid for worrying about this...

We're all fine, almost certainly. I'm just going to keep chanting that.

 

[LawrenceDoula]

I'm feeling the same. I can't stop worrying. I think my fear is a combination of knowing so early on (only 5 weeks), and having fears that my previous cesarean will cause problems. Scar tissue, etc.

I think it is good to talk and work through these fears. I'm glad you posted this!

 

[Canita]

It's like you ladies read my mind! I had a little bit of light spotting today....normal, I know, but freaks me out. I immediately stopped what I was doing and sat on the couch with my legs up, thinking "The baby is okay. The baby is okay" over and over.

LawrenceDoula, I'm at about 5-6 weeks as well with a previous c-section, so I hear ya! Plus we lost our son shortly after birth due to a medical condition (Congenital Adrenal Hypoplasia....small adrenal glands) and I'm praying, praying, praying that this baby will be healthy and everything will be okay. Week 5-8 in utero are important for us because that's when the adrenal glands are forming. Cross your fingers!

Ahhh, good to get that out!

 

[zulupetalz]

Angierae,
I understand what you are going through. I had an ectopic this year as well (1/07) and I also got treated with Methotrexate for it. I've seen conflicting information about how long one should wait to TTC again. Some sources say one month, some say three, some say six. We waited three, because that is what my OB told me to do. I'm sorry that your OB made you feel bad about your decisions. That sucks, there is no point to making someone feel bad for something they can't undo.

I'm somewhere around 4.5 to 5ish weeks right now, and I've known about the pregnancy for the past week. It has been a L O N G week for me, I am super anxious about having a miscarriage. I don't *think* that this one is ectopic, but I am keeping tuned in to every little pain just in case. I wish I could relax, I'm sure it isn't good for me or the pregnancy to be this anxious.

I hope that everything goes smoothly for you and that you find a great HB midwife near you! Keep us updated.

 

[flapjack]

Same here. I'm pregnant again after three consecutive miscarriages, and I'm just now (7-ish weeks) starting to feel hopeful that this baby is sticking around. The fact that it's 7.08am and I've thrown up three times since getting out of bed has a lot to do with that, mind you.