Easiest time to have #2 while AP/GD

You're probably going to get every answer imaginable on this one. Every time I see a thread on what the best spacing is, the opinions vary wildly.

We don't have the spacing we'd planned on, but we're happy with the way it is. I'd ttc for about a year with dc#2 but finally got preg 6 mos after dc#1 weaned. dc#3 was conceived 6 mos after dc#2 weaned.

So, there are 3 years between #1 and #2 and 6 years between #2 and #3. The baby I lost would have been 5 years younger than our youngest.

Personally, I can't imagine having two very small children at once--two non-walkers, for instance, or two who still need my help with EVERYTHING. I often was thankful for the age difference when I'd be busy with the baby and the older child need to go to the bathroom, or get a drink or something and I knew that they could handle these things on their own. Also, as they've gotten older, the older ones help with the younger ones. But I've heard from other mothers with children 9 mos or 12 mos or 18 mos apart who love that their kids are so close.

Regardless of the age difference though, I don't think you can count on (or hope for) them to have things in common. I think it's more about personality--my oldest and youngest have some things in common, as do my older two. My middle child has....hmmmm....one thing in common with the youngest. But they all also have their interests that are entirely different.

We go on fieldtrips and such. I've found that some explanations need to be made more simple for the youngest, but for the most part, he grasps what he's able from what the older kids are talking about. The groups we belong to have a large range of ages so there's always someone for the kids to hang out with, regardless of age. Also the age division within hs groups isn't as striking as with some other groups. I often see a group of 4--8 yr olds playing and a group of 8--14 yr olds playing with another group of 10-16 yr olds nearby, etc. The hs kids I know don't tend to stick with just kids their own ages.

Only recently, (like in the past year) there have been some activities we've planned that the oldest hasn't been interested in. But, since he's 14, I figure that's to be expected at this point, yk? On the plus side, he doesn't need a babysitter when he opts out of something.

Good luck with your decision.

Dal, I could have written your post. I'm having all the same thoughts and considerations. My vote for now (not based on personal experience, but casual interviews and conversations as well as personal observations) is:

birth....3.5
1........4.5
2........5.5
3........6.5
4........7.5

It seems to me ds #1 would be more independent and maybe already weaned. If not weaned, at least a lot less than now Also, I would feel better about having one-on-one time with him first.

My son is 21 months (22 months on July 2) and if dh and I are going to try, we have to agree before "the window" is closed. I'm already planning on TTC next year in June, then August, then March 2007. I try to put a lot of thought into this and I don't have any experience except with my now only child.

Good luck!

Let me know what you've decided and why. I'm gathering as much information as I can.

Thanks!

We are experiencing the same issues right now, including hs issues.

After some negotiating, we decided to start trying soon, so that DS will make DS minimum 3.2 at birth of #2.

DH wanted closer to DS to be closer to age 4. I was concerned about hs. I was thinking closer to age 3. We negotiated to 3.5, and pushed it earlier a few months, knowing it might take at least a couple of months to ttc.

I am happy we are waiting until at least 3.2:

DS still loves to nurse, but is already showing signs of not being as desperate. I can see either nursing through pregnancy, or if necessary because of how I feel, weaning.

DS has just begun to sleep through the night (until 5-6 in morning) approx 4x a week. Sleep has always been difficult for us. I am hopeful that DS night time sleep will be easy for us parents by the time he is 3.2.

Within the past couple of months, life has gotten easier for us, and we are enjoying it! I am enjoying the respite now, knowing that in a year it will be super challenging again. (Just in time for the difficult 3s!)

It was very important for DH for DS to have us to himself until he was at least 3.

All kids are different, but I thikn the hardest age is when they are young toddlers, from the time they start walking, unti lthey are around 2, becuase you REALLY have to be there with them, shadowing them and guiding them. By the time DD was about 2 to 2.5 she was getting more independent in her play, and not getting into things so much. My son was born when DD was just over 2. It's been pretty good. I think another six months would have been even better, but it's been okay for us. Longer age gaps make me worry about how connected they'll be when older, but you know life is about phases. Having two veyr young kids must be hellish, but then that time passes and you have two very close in age which can be nice.

My biggest fear when thinking about TTC #2 was ensuring that DD was well into eating solids and not dependent on my milk. It dried up fairly early in my PG, though that did'nt stop DD from nursing.

But for GD, yeah, the newly toddling crowd needs constant supervision. And even if you really baby proof I like to be there with them to guide them physically and/or verbally through sticky situations that arise.

I think when it feels right is when to consider it. For me having it feel right meant my son was almost weaned off the breast at night and wanted to sleep is his own bed. When those two things came about and he wasn't as attached to me I decided it was the right time. I was pregnant when he was 21 months. He continued to nurse to sleep in his own bed at that time. By about 2 he said he didn't want milk before bed and my DH was then lying down with him to put him to sleep. Now he is 27 months and has weaned completely off the breast on his own. I would of been comfortable continuing to nurse him during the day during the pregnancy but I needed him to be more independent at night so I could take care of my body for the next baby. He is also very attached to his father now. He prefers that he put him to bed instead of me. Often my Dh will lie down with him to put him to sleep after his stories but shortly after he leaves the room he sleeps throught the night without a peep. We never used ferber or CIO. He just did it when he was ready. This is how I wanted it to be, to follow his cues. I feel really good about the way we transitioned to having another baby. I am due at the end of August so he will be 2.5. I originally would of thought that waiting till he was 3 was a better choice but now I realise I could never predict or analyse in advance what is best for him. I simply waited for him to tell me.

I'm sorry, I just had to giggle at all 3 of your suggested "spacings," as NONE of my kids fall into any of those ranges!! Leah was 16.5mo when Hannah was born, Hannah was 5.5 and Leah was almost 7 when Jack was born.

I do NOT recomend having kids 16.5m apart!!!!! It was a LOT of work having 2 babies, I wasn't able to wear Hannah very much, and overall it was an overwhelming experience. Now, they squabble over just about everything, and Hannah gets upset whenever she's excluded from a playdate or birthday party (or Leah gets upset when Hannah tags along.)

I'm enjoying Jack a lot more than I enjoyed the girls when they were very little. It's nice having only one "baby"!!! 5 years is a very nice spacing (at least if you don't homeschool.) Hannah was off at kindergarten and I had lots of time for the baby.

ETA that closely spaced sibs don't guarantee close friendships as adults. My brother is only 14m older than me and we're not close at all. I haven't even met my 11mo nephew.