Mothering Forum banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
808 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
There has been a lot of stress in my household lately. Completely re-inventing our family (entering into a very wanted by me poly relationship), a pregnancy scare (still going on), the death of dh's mum, my family deciding not to support me and cutting me out from their lives...etc...etc...<br><br>
We are also nearing a very difficult time for me. I was sexually assualted for many years, but there was one particular month, may (which also happens to be my birthday) where the rate of occurance and physicality of the abuse was much much higher. it might be why I hate my birthday. Normally, every year, I am aware of my heightened sense of awareness, but I think it might be affecting me more this year, because I have just started to become sexually comfortable and enjoy sex - rather than being the promiscuous person I was as a teen, and just having sex with dh because i had to - I never actually enjoyed it. Sex is becoming a big deal, not in a bad way, for me.<br><br>
Anyways, I realize I am struggling with food issues. I had some issues as a teen, but worked through and over them. But for the past 5 months I can see the decline in my eating. It started by skipping portions of food, then moved to meals, now Im going entire days without eating.<br><br>
I exist on coffee and cigarettes (yes yes I know...its bad.)<br><br>
I think what worries me even more, is that Im not that against my food issues. My only issue with it is that i know its bad, and not healthy for me. i like that Ive dropped a ton of weight and people have been commenting on how good i look. I like that I fit into jeans that are 3 sizes smaller than 5 months ago. However, because of the attention from other people, I also feel the need to hide myself - I have an urge to wear baggy clothes or my husbands shirts. Its like their compliments make me feel worse.<br><br>
I approached DW with my concern over my eating, thinking as a woman she might be able to understand, especially since I know she has struggled with eating in the past. Her response was the typical "you *need* to eat" "you have to set a good example for the kids, you should eat for them" etc etc....I know its the truth, and its what I was expecting...but it wasnt what I wanted or needed to hear. i am not even sure what I want from her, or from dh.<br><br>
....Im not sure what Im looking for here either.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
852 Posts
What is it that you need to hear?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,083 Posts
Have you considered seeing a counselor or speaking to a pastor or something? As someone that struggled with an eating disorder for many years I know it's hard for someone to "walk in" to the situation and say the Magic Words. It takes time and, for the most part, a third party (someone that isn't emotionally involved in the situation). It's also really hard for someone that has never had these issues (abuse, ED) to REALLY understand what it's like. I spent hours explaining what went on in my head to my DH before he grasped the idea...it was just foreign to him.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
I'm sorry. I have a lot of issues with food. I understand how hard it is when people say "Just eat". It was never that simple for me.<br><br>
For me, it comes down to control. When I feel like my life is out of control, I know the one thing I always have ultimate control over is food. I control how much intake I have. I have gone the way of not eating, in fact, I did that for years. Unfortunately, I really screwed up my health. Now I'm struggling with binge eating.<br><br>
I would strongly encourage you to get some outside help. There are some workbooks that were helpful to me but I think the help of a professional would be best.<br><br>
I have no magic words but wanted to let you know that I hear what you are saying. Please be very careful as ED are dangerous.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,916 Posts
I also have issues with food in the same manner, of not eating enough. My counselor is watching my weight cuz I'm borderline underweight. But I've always been a small person too. However, I do know that I ignore my needs with food. Like Eclipse mentioned, its a way of control when you can't control other things. And in some ways it doesn't make sense or seem like it would be connected, but I have to believe it is. Instead of using food for comfort, its a way of denying ourselves because we maybe don't feel worthy of nurturing or comfort. At least that is where I think this issue is with me. I am working with a counselor on this.<br><br>
The only reason why I am eating as much as I am right now is because I am the sole caregiver of my 2yo. So we sit and eat meals twice a day together. Snacks are on our own. But I have to set a healthy example for her because there isn't another adult around to help me with that. I agree that food issues are a big deal. Much attention is given to the many different kinds of food disorders, but I think there is less given to those of us who simply deny ourselves food but look otherwise healthy. Probably because in part we don't talk about it, or see it as a "real problem" ourselves.<br><br>
I hope you are able to seek out help in working through this issue. A good counselor will be able to help you work through the emotions tied to your abuse and food. You aren't alone in this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,083 Posts
How are you doing? This has been on my mind lately.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
808 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
After having told DW, I know she is watching what I am eating and when I am eating - so I have been eating a little more than i was previously.<br><br>
I still feel yucky when I think about eating, or when i do it...but I do know how important it is, and I know I need to do it.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top