Mothering Forum banner

Eeek! Dating problem!

580 Views 12 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  cheyennemama
Okay I had a nice afternoon with Bryan, and then a kiss...and it was horrible!! Way too much tongue, too hard, pushing my head back, scratching me with his whiskers, yikes!

I hate to be superficial, but that turned me off in a lot of ways. What would you do? Should I talk to him about it? Try to lead next time? (don't think that would work, he was too darned aggressive to notice) Is that an omen of things to come?

Sigh...things have been progressing so nicely, and I really enjoy his company and am attracted to him, but I have to admit, if there's no sexual compatibility it wouldn't work for me. What to do?!?!?
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
I haven't been on a date in forever, so I may not be the best one to give advice, but I'd give it another shot. He may have been a bit over anxious & it seems like you really connected so it'd be a shame to write him off. Make the next move & be gentle, guide him & see what he does.

I agree about the sexual chemistry though.
I'd give it another try too.
Being overly excited could have something to do with it.
But, if it seems like that's the way it is, I guess he's not the guy for you. I too, think that chemistry is VERY important.
I hope it gets better.
I can only speak from my personal experience...So here goes:
I've dated men who were very rough like that. They seemed all sweet, loving, compassionate, etc and then it was time to move on to the physical stage. They didn't stop being rough. And I realized that it was kinda a game to them. They acted like a perfect 'man'...just to get me into bed. Well, I can tell ya that I never let it get that far. I gave them a couple of chances...Hoping it was just a fluke thing. But it wasn't. That was just their personality. Perhaps they watched too many many porn movies.

Yes, i did try talking about it, etc, but it did no good. Most of them just said that they like it rough. Uh....right....buh bye.

Good luck, mama!!
See less See more

Originally Posted by lizc
Perhaps they watched too many many porn movies.
that is a distinct possibility. some guys think that it turns women on to feel helpless and weak while the *big strong man* gets all rough. and after watching a couple of porn movies I can see why. R and I watched them together and he turned them off saying it did nothing for could tell those girls were at the least uncomfortable and some were actively in pain! trying to act like they liked it.

to the OP...I would talk to him about it. I am VERY agressive and things have to be MY way so if i didn't like the way he kissed etc and wouldn't be willing to change i'd have to let him go. especially if the problem is roughness cuz that doesn't seem to be something guys *get over* or *grow out of*

sry i'm no help
See less See more
Thanks for the perspective ladies...

I don't think the roughness was from an idea that rough is good, just perhaps a different perception. But I'll keep my eyes open...I guess I'd just prefer a first kiss that is hesitant, slight, and soft, and maybe slowly evolves into something. I've never been big on lots of tongue.

And we'll see how it goes when it comes up next time, and if we talk about it or just try something else out
But I'm not going to end it over this, because I don't think it's a personality thing, more of an experience/preference/perception thing.
See less See more
When I first kissed my X, I felt like I was being attacked. It was horrible.

This is exactly what I said to him, "You know, I really like to be kissed [put in what you like], do you think we could try it that way?"

From that point on, I take great pride in knowing that I made him into the fabulous kisser he is currently known for. He tells everyone that I "taught" him how to kiss. In fact, his gf has even thanked me.
I'm a huge believer that kissing is the #1 indicator of what kind of lover a man will be - and not just talking sex - I mean how he actually "loves" a woman. I'd give it one more time and then move on
: I hope that doesn't sound shallow. I just feel like there should be some sort of "magic" there, ykwim?
See less See more
Okay...the first time must have been nerves or something, because we saw each other today and wow, fireworks. Actually, he's a wonderful kisser..I think in part I'm just not used to the whole stubble thing anymore...Just like the rest of the relationship up to this point...I'm just completely enraptured. Now the kiddos are home though (yea!!) and the big challenge will to do it all?!?!? But I don't think my mind (or body, at this point
) will forget too easily...
See less See more

I truly believe......where there's a will, there's a way.

A few years ago, I dated a guy I was really into. I had almost never left the kids with anyone and never at night. But, I really wanted to go out with this guy to an event and I just made it happen.

It will work. It may be trickier than if you were not a mom, but you can still make it work.

i'm so glad for you!!
See less See more
I'm new here but I had to laugh about this one!

I too am new in a relationship and the first couple kisses left a bit to be desired. A little too much tongue! But I kind of just ignored his technique and kissed back the way I wanted to be kissed and then after a couple "sessions", he kind of "got it" and we started clicking more. So give this guy another shot! Hey, maybe their last gf's liked that sort of thing though I've never met a woman that said so.... LOL.

1 - 13 of 13 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.