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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know if it's because I'm prego or what but my 27 month old is sending me beyond the deep end.<br><br>
I just got a book called "raising your spirited child" and I swear, she wrote a book about my son. what I've read so far.<br><br>
He is everything to the nth degree. It's just recently that I noticed he's not like other kids. Someone recommended me this book. I need to get to the chapters on how to respond to my child because clearly what I am doing is not working and/or making things worse.<br><br>
Sigh.<br><br>
I'm<br><br>
exasperated.
 

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{{{{{PumpkinSeed}}}}}<br><br>
Sorry you're feeling exasperated. I hope some other mamas have advice. All I have is warm thoughts for you.<br><br>
CurlyTop
 

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Being the mama of a spirited little girl, I DO feel your pain. I can only say to you that that book helped us SOOOOO much. I think it was me that was making it worse for both of us. Once I read the book, I let go, and stopped micromanaging our day and her attitude improved and my patience improved. I let her make as many choices as humanly possible to make her feel involved. "do we wear the sneakers or the sandals today? do we use the red cup or the blue cup? do we get in the car from mummy's side or madyson's side? do we go to the grocery store or the pharmacy first? do we leave now or in 5 minutes?(set timer!!!!)" It's all about choices and letting them feel in control. Too many options to choose from and she would freak out. I keep it simple. It's one thing or the other. She feels like she made a decision and wasn't forced and I get my errands done and have a cooperative child in the process for the most part. I do notice that she is different than most children and sometimes other parents laugh at me and say, "wow, she wears the pants huh? I wouldn't put up with that!" But you know what? We all do what we have to do in order to make it through the day. I don't tolerate rude or mean-spirited behavior, but if my daughter wants another 5 minutes at the playground before we leave, WHAT DOES IT HURT?????? Honestly, if we are 5 minutes late coming home ot make dinner, will we starve? NO! Geez, let those moms take my spirited girl and survive a day! I commend you honey. I wouldn't have the courage to have another with a spirited toddler. I just might wait until M is 90 to think of having another! He he he. You are doign great. Just read that book and see if it applies to your life. I can't say enough good things about it. Best of luck.<br>
Meg<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you so much for your replies. I thought all children were like this. My son is not Super Energetic or "hyper" but with all the other categories he is off the scale. I couldn't believe how well she described my life.<br><br>
And I always wondered why I was the only parent in my group of friends that always felt like I was going to explode of frustration. It made me feel like a bad mama, like somehow I'm not able to cope with my ds while everyone else was coping with their kids just fine.<br><br>
Posted by faerybugmady<br>
Geez, let those moms take my spirited girl and survive a day!<br><br><br>
That's how I been feeling lately, as his tantrums and getting REALLY stuck in them has been escalating lately.
 

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Wow. I should read this book.<br><br>
I'm so in the same boat with you, PumpkinSeed. Pregnant, a little overwhelmed at the moment, and really, really having a hard time with my kid.<br><br>
Our worst battle: she will wear a very narrowly defined group of clothing, which includes purple leggings and purple or pink tee shirts and sandals but does not include coats, sweatshirts, sneakers, or jeans. Cause, you know, fall in Chicago does not require warm clothes!<br><br>
I did buy purple sweatshirts... two plus a handmedown ... but no real luck yet.<br><br>
But I really say bad words and want to hit her (NOT a hitting family, mind you, and I don't do it) every day. Every single day.<br><br>
What's hard for me is that she has more or less my personality, and I like to get my own way and have things on my schedule and according to my sense of order. Oh dear, so does she, and we have opposite ideas as to what constitutes time and order...<br><br>
Clearly it's hard for me to give up control! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
What other techniques have worked for any mama of a spirited child? I like the idea of a timer....
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know what you feel like! I too was pg with a spirited toddler - around the same age... only I didn't find out about this book until last month. We are still reading it and learning how to deal with our SC. I say 'we' because I am reading it to dh whenever I get a chance - because he and ds have the same personality and head-butt all the time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> I feel like I'm the moderator around here. Anyway, back to your issues. I too have the same feeling of the only mom who feels like shes about to explode when with other kids.... my ds has many, many issues that we are still trying to figure out. Its so frustrating because one day is diffrent from the next as to what will set him off. And when he goes off on something he starts sqealing like a pig and it sends me to the looney bin each and ever time! I am trying to get him to use his words (hes 3 and can talk up a storm but when he gets upset its sqeals only)<br><br>
When I got the book I cried because it seemed like she was writing about my son/life and it gave me logical solutions. I also just got the workbook to go along with the other book and that seems to be a good one also.... at least for me because it does lists and active ideas to try.<br><br>
Dh thinks I give in to much to ds but technically no I don't. I don't allow naughty temper tantrums - we are giving time outs for those - but like Meg said we are giving simple choices. I 'warn' him with plenty of time when we have to go anywhere. To get dressed I try to to do it just right after breakfast when hes has food in his tummy and we make a game out of it. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. I don't force things when hes already in a bad mood because it just makes my life worse.<br><br>
sorry you are so frustrated. I have been too and its only the beginning of finding new ways to make both our lives calmer. Hang in there and if need be go outside breathe deep and count to a million and then go inside with a fresher mind.<br><br>
Penelope - I would definately recommend this book to anyone who has a spirited/spunky child that is harder to live with. Its been a true life saver for us so far! I got it on amazon for like $3. Worth a heck of a lot more IMO!<br><br>
Sarah
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
This is where I am at too. I wish I had got the book sooner. My ds can scream/tantrum for hours. Some mornings (most lately) I cringe when I hear his voice in the morning. I *already* know it's gonna be a rough day for me. Everything sets my ds off. He's *highly* perceptive and anything out of what he expects drives him to tantrum. For example, if a wheel doesn't move on his car in unison with the other wheels, the toy is broken in his mind and it's all over. Another example is this morning he wanted to play with his train on couch. So I helped him get the trains on the couch. The minute they're on the couch he wants them on the floor. I think he meant he wanted me to sit on the couch while he played train on the floor. The tantrum and screaming lasted for 2 hours. That's above and beyond a normal thing.<br><br>
I need to hurry up and read the book. I've been too emotionally exhausted from him and physically exhausted from the pregnancy the last two days to read.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by pixie-n-hertwoboys</i><br>
[BWhen I got the book I cried because it seemed like she was writing about my son/life and it gave me logical solutions.<br>
[/B]</td>
</tr></table></div>
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
YOu should get the book. It talks about this very thing about the clothes.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Penelope</i><br><b>Wow. I should read this book.<br><br>
Our worst battle: she will wear a very narrowly defined group of clothing, which includes purple leggings and purple or pink tee shirts and sandals but does not include coats, sweatshirts, sneakers, or jeans. Cause, you know, fall in Chicago does not require warm clothes!<br></b></td>
</tr></table></div>
 

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I want to recommend The Challenging Child by Stanley Greenspan (I am currently reading it to apply it to dealing with my 29 month old) as well. Anything by him I think is worthwhile.
 

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I am so in the same boat it is scary. And it really is scary because somedays I am completely overwhelmed and defeated until I am a crying wreak. When my dd (she'll be 3 in december) sees that I have been widdled away to a pulp of exhaustion, it scares her too. I also feel a vibe of judgment and condemnation from her dad as I clearly (in his mind) am not handling her temperment well.<br><br>
I also have the spirited child book and it has proven helpful. I really hope that eventually she'll be able to cope better and play with other kids, maybe even have a friend. Right now, that seems like a long shot and I am so saddened by this.<br><br>
The spirited child book has a lot of good strategies. For us prevention is the key. I need to make absolutely sure she is never hungry, tired, lonely and staff off anger as it erupts with humor and redirection.<br><br>
Knowing I am not alone help a hell of a lot. hang in there!<br>
-dancingbear
 

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I really needed to read this thread right now! My ds is only 16 months but he is already starting to drive me bonkers! He is very sensitive and needs constant attention. Most days I end up crying, and I don't want him to see that all the time. I think I need to get this book too...
 

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I am so thankful for this website and all the different women and children out there. I really thought my dd was the only one and that I just got overwhelmed way too easy. I am definately going to get that book. I feel like the friends (few) who have kids are like spank your kid and get in control- that would ONLY make it worse- at least for us. None practice AP and none are BFing their toddler and to them she controls us and she is out of control and it is probably because she is too attached cuz of still BFing! RIGHT! The other friends have no kids so I tune them out completely! Like u said let them try 1 day w/ a SC! Good luck! Thanks for the book advice and choices advice. Good luck to all of you and your SC!<br><br>
Amber- mommy to Chloe 27 months and married to DH 4 great yrs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
SHeesh, I just deleted my post, and I hate typing.<br><br>
The book is<br><br>
Raising your spirited child by Mary Kurcinka<br><br>
It has been helping a lot to use a timer. I would have never guessed in a million years to use a timer, but ds likes it.<br><br>
I am now seeing the difference between a *naughty-I didn't get my way- tantrum* and a *I can't cope with life* tantrum. Now I have been using her tactics for the *I can't cope with life* tantrums and it has been helping so much. My ds can literally fall apart for the seemingly most trivial things. Apparently, they are not trivial to him.<br><br>
Today when he woke from his nap 30 minutes earlier than normal, he found himself out of sorts and screamed, literally screamed his guts out for those thirty minutes. I can only imagine what the neighbors are thinking. So, now instead of feeling like the blood is going to boil over in my head, I'm being more supportive, which is helping us both out a lot.<br><br>
I just want to say, that it is hard work having a spirited child. You are always ON, never getting a break, and when you have to make changes in the way you approach situations, and the way you think and feel about the strong emotions in others, it is really hard work.
 

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Ok, I bought and read part of the book - Oh. My. God. The chapter on kids and clothing had me and dh in total awe - we really thought she was the ONLY kid who had to have her socks adjusted half a dozen times before they were "on right."<br><br>
I haven't gotten through the whole thing yet but it really, really looks good. And practical, helpful suggestions that don't denigrate the child... wow.<br><br>
I was really struck by the bit where she asked parents to talk about how their parents described them growing up - for me it was "you are the problem in this family." It hurts my feelings to this day. I so don't want to be that kind of mom.<br><br>
And we are, per her suggestion, stocking up on the flowered purple leggings that dd will happily wear...<br><br>
Thanks for the recommendation, everyone.
 

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penelope - so glad you got the book! I hope you can find some helpful things in it as well as we did.<br><br>
I just wanted to say that we had an awesome day thursday!! I was so elated <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> He was happy and saying hi to everyone. He got dressed even without a tantrum or fit. Then it was back to the multiple meltdowns on friday... don't know what the diffrence was <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: Its been a challenge to me to keep recalling the things that work for certain issues.... I think I'm even going to get the ebook and download it to my PDA so I can have it with me all the time - and be able to read it while waiting places.<br><br>
Ahhhh the joys! Keep smiling mamas - they will be the most awesome people all grown up <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
Sarah
 
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