So MIL was here from France for three weeks. Very nice while in my house, and I worked really hard to make her feel welcome. But it was a bad asthma time for my 3 yr DS, he was clingy and high needs and having a very adult focused guest didn't make him any better. So she took my DH out for a car ride and gave him a three hour talking to about how we are comforting DS too much (by talking about what he's feeling when upset), not building his coping muscles, etc. Then called him out of control IN FRONT OF HIM, and thinks we baby him too much. So i was furious at Xmas, but swallowed it, as she would be leaving soon. So now she sends DH this email, couched very nicely but still all up in out business. She is trying to make up as we've been avoiding her calls.<br><br>
She says something like: "I'm still worried about not letting him (DS) not develop his coping muscle to the outer world. I stand my ground on that one because I love the little guy and don't want him to be confused, angry, frustrated and feeling lost not knowing how to deal (self-soothe) with the outer world when you are not there. That's all. Let him be a frustrated once in awhile and not get his own way. He is strong and loved and will be able to handle it. He will then figure it out himself and that is a powerful, life long lesson in self control. I want (DS) to be able to cope with adversity and not get thrown off the rails when it happens when he gets older and more on his own."<br><br>
It all sounds nice as she is trying to make up, but we want to set boundaries on her judging our parenting and our son. This is a pattern with her. She opposed us not crying it out, co-sleeping, and our choice of preschool and actively lobbies on her POV with DH when I'm not around. DH feels hurt, I question myself and get down on my son's abilities, and which are really very age appropriate.<br><br>
What should we write back?<br>
I want us to respond in not hurtful way that stop the pattern. Ideas?
She says something like: "I'm still worried about not letting him (DS) not develop his coping muscle to the outer world. I stand my ground on that one because I love the little guy and don't want him to be confused, angry, frustrated and feeling lost not knowing how to deal (self-soothe) with the outer world when you are not there. That's all. Let him be a frustrated once in awhile and not get his own way. He is strong and loved and will be able to handle it. He will then figure it out himself and that is a powerful, life long lesson in self control. I want (DS) to be able to cope with adversity and not get thrown off the rails when it happens when he gets older and more on his own."<br><br>
It all sounds nice as she is trying to make up, but we want to set boundaries on her judging our parenting and our son. This is a pattern with her. She opposed us not crying it out, co-sleeping, and our choice of preschool and actively lobbies on her POV with DH when I'm not around. DH feels hurt, I question myself and get down on my son's abilities, and which are really very age appropriate.<br><br>
What should we write back?<br>
I want us to respond in not hurtful way that stop the pattern. Ideas?