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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm guessing many here have an xh who likes to play the innocent 'I didn't get that information' and make accusations of alienation and failure to communicate (so he gets to play victim and not take responsibility for his lack of involvement and initiative).

Does anyone have any experience or recommendations on email tracking software that attach to a standard web based email program? Apparently they give a notification of when/where/how often an email was read. Here's the good part - the recipient doesn't know about it.

Any experience with using them in court (e.g. to refute allegations of not sharing info about the children, etc) ?
 

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I'm guessing many here have an xh who likes to play the innocent 'I didn't get that information' and make accusations of alienation and failure to communicate (so he gets to play victim and not take responsibility for his lack of involvement and initiative).

Does anyone have any experience or recommendations on email tracking software that attach to a standard web based email program? Apparently they give a notification of when/where/how often an email was read. Here's the good part - the recipient doesn't know about it.

Any experience with using them in court (e.g. to refute allegations of not sharing info about the children, etc) ?
I used something like this at an old job. It was part of the service that came with the database. I just looked to see whether there was a tracker native to gmail. There isn't, but a whole list of clients popped up that will track for you if you use gmail. My search terms were the sentence, "how to track email using gmail." I believe Outlook has it native to the email client.

The only reason to do this is for yourself. I don't think this will come up in court. My guess is that having sent the email is sufficient due diligence on your part. I could be wrong, and probably the person to ask to find out for sure is your lawyer. The person who will be most persuaded by this is going to be you! It's worth it if you will feel better.

Since for me it wasn't about what to present in court, I used to say things like, "I know this is a long email and you might not be able to get to it all right away. Please send me confirmation that you've received it." In the worst part of the divorce process, I would also ask for an estimate of when he might give me an actual answer. That helped dial back the tension a lot. But, I do recall that your ex is significantly different from mine, especially in the matter of drinking.
 

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I CC or BCC everything I send to my ex, to another email (I use my husbands, but it could be a second email that you've created). I don't know whether it would hold up in court or not, but why would an email go through to one person and not another? It gives me some peace of mind, anyway. You could have the third party re-send the email to him as well, so he's recieved it from two separate addresses.

If you set up a second email, make sure you monitor it, or set a rule so that it forwards to your regular email anything that it recieves. Someone who likes to claim they didn't recieve information that they did, might purposely communicate to the email where you won't see it so they can claim you're ignoring their attempts, as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Good advice about separate email and monitoring, and bcc or cc'ing.
Electronic evidence is an evolving thing, so I do wonder if its enough just to send correspondence...or if I should be looking for proof it was opened as well (hence the email tracking idea)? Most of my communications go unacknowledged. But I do know that he does receive some, and I have a feeling he does actually read them all.
 

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I don't think you should have to prove he opened and read the email... you can send someone a letter and never know whether they opened the envelope. A person can be served legal documents and throw them in the dirt right in front of the process server then drive away, and it still counts as service.

If he responds to any of the emails, you can reasonably assume they aren't being redirected into a junk folder. You can show you put a decent amount of effort into providing information. Court is going to see through his game... he's going to have to try pretty hard to not see your emails.
 

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ITA with the PPs. XH ignored months worth of emails and then responded one day and said "I don't really check this email anymore." The one he had since well before we met...whatever.

My response, "Well, you need to give me an email address that you do check." Crickets....

I would like to think that your record of "sent" emails would be enough. Like everyone said about actual letters...XH even told me that when he received the divorce decree, he didn't read it for months. You can't force someone to do that.

I like the idea of "please reply to confirm receipt," or something. DH used to do that with DSD's mother. She would ignore emails for days and then say something like "just now seeing this." Yeah, right. We see you on your iPhone constantly at every event we go to!

I do know through work email exchanges, you can mark emails as "read receipt" so that's probably an option as well.
 

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Eight years ago, in Indiana, my DH used numerous emails that he simply printed out from his "sent" and "old mail" folders, to refute his XW's court testimony. No one gave him a problem about it. And trust me, there was a lot of effort on both sides, to try to throw out other "evidence". The validity of the emails wasn't even discussed.

A PP made a good point: you don't have to show he opened it, to show you made the effort to send it. Him avoiding things he doesn't want to deal with does not make you guilty of alienation.
 

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The names are escaping me right now, but a few programs that include email tracking have been mentioned on a women editors' FB group I belong to. The one thing I took away from those discussions, however, is that pretty much all user-based email tracking (i.e. confirmation of the email being opened) relies on the recipient not having images disabled. A lot of spammers/marketing services embed images in emails for just this purpose—to track when you opened them. This is actually the reason I have images disabled on all of my email clients, and if your ex were sufficiently computer savvy/paranoid he could do the same.

That said, the email service you're using (and your ex's) should have records that could be subpoenaed that can prove when an email was sent/delivered and it would take someone extremely skilled to tamper with these (if it's even possible). I assume just having your own records of the content/date of emails should be sufficient in demonstrating no malicious intent and no judge in his/her right mind could fault you for a technical error (if one did occur). Obviously, anything important (like legal documents) needs to be officially served, but I get the impression you're just trying to prove that you're not engaging in deliberate parental alienation or withholding of information.
 

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In my opinion, email tracking is okay as long as you satisfy the conditions below:

1.Users have subscribed to the mailing list

2. Users have an option for them to unsubscribe in every email you send.

3. Terms and conditions of the tracking is written and available to your customers to read and how the tracking data is used.

Btw, folks, do you archive your emails? I have an itch to test out this email archiving software https://emailindetail.com/archive-emails . Have you ever used it?
 
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