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Discussion Starter #1
So after story hour the other day the librarian was saying how fun it is when they start to recognize books, and I told everyone what my 15mo DS did the other day:
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I asked him if he wanted to cuddle, and I figured he must not because he walked away, but instead he went over to a stack of books in the corner of the room, sifts through about 20 of them, and comes back with a book where the first line is "Cuddle up a little closer."</td>
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I thought it was so cute & not surprising (especially given how much time we spend reading!) but the librarian said something like, "Oh he's a little prodigy huh?" and I was sooo embarrassed. I was NOT meaning to brag, just share a cute story, but of course the mom next to me starts trying to come up with all the "smart things" her kid had done recently and I felt just terrible.<br><br>
I do suspect DS may be gifted (early milestones, advanced expressive/receptive language, very insightful, etc.) but he's only 15mos old, way too young to know for sure! Anyway, I think where my embarrassment really stems from is not only feeling bad about 'bragging' but also feeling like MY mom was always bragging about ME as a kid and I didn't like it. It definitely brought up some of those feelings of being the weird shy smart kid... and also really makes me not want to talk about DS's cute actions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't know, I just remember feeling horrified when my mom would talk about my report card or something and my aunts would be desperately trying to come up with things their kids had done recently to "compete". Also I remember my mom always being so involved in my schooling and would argue with the teachers when they made a computational error and gave me an A instead of an A+. Maybe I just wanted to be a "normal" kid. Guess I just need to hear from others who can relate...
 

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I think it was a nice story and a weird reaction. What happened there wasn't about you, it was about them. I think that's happened to most of us here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> And sadly, it's where I learned to pick my audiences.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
And see, I thought I was safe since she'd made the comment about kids this age starting to recognize books. *sigh*
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daytripper75</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15377402"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it was a nice story and a weird reaction. What happened there wasn't about you, it was about them. I think that's happened to most of us here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> And sadly, it's where I learned to pick my audiences.</div>
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ITA and yep, I would have felt safe given her first comment too. I'm sorry about how sharing your story (which was very cute <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">) turned out <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I'm sure your child is gifted, but I think people just loooove to compliment children. For boys they like to say they are handsome or they have gorgeous eyes or they look big and strong or they are so smart. With girls the same thing pretty much with more of an emphasis on beauty than strength and smarts, but you still get that too.<br><br>
I've been in the situation numerous times where another parent starts bragging about all the great things their kids are learning and I get tired of saying, "Wow, really? Great, amazing, etc." It begins to feel like I'm reading off a script. So I end up telling them some of the cool things that my kids have learned recently which isn't because I'm trying to compete so much as it just seems like the topic of conversation. I don't think any of these parents realize that they are much more impressed with their own kids than other parents are of their kids, but I do try to be polite! It can be humbling too because there are just a lot of amazing little people out there!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>connieculkins</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15377666"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm sure your child is gifted, but I think people just loooove to compliment children.</div>
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Yes totally, I hear lots of "Oh he walks so well for 15mos" or "oh he talks a lot" when really he has only said maybe 3 words the whole time we were there & hung onto my leg the entire time (he's very shy). I'm sure they're just being nice, they don't really know him well enough to say much more than "he's so cute" or whatever they can come up with. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
The librarian, on the other hand, didn't really sound like she was complimenting him, it sounded more like a judgment on him (but maybe I'm just too sensitive!)<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>connieculkins</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15377666"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think any of these parents realize that they are much more impressed with their own kids than other parents are of their kids, but I do try to be polite! It can be humbling too because there are just a lot of amazing little people out there!</div>
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Yup! I think I'm way more impressed with my DS than anyone outside my family could possibly be. To me he is the sweetest, smartest, most amazing boy in the world!! hehe <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> And I'm sure to others he's just the cute kid with the cool hat. I do enjoy hearing people's stories about what their kids are up to, but it seems there's always 2 extremes: the people who don't want to 'brag' so they barely share ANYTHING, or the people who think everyone wants to hear every single detail, every word their kid learns and how he ate 6 peas and a strawberry for dinner last night... Also, since I was WAH full-time until a couple months ago, I haven't had enough social experience since becoming a mom to really know what I "should" and "shouldn't" say.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daytripper75</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15377402"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it was a nice story and a weird reaction. What happened there wasn't about you, it was about them. I think that's happened to most of us here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> And sadly, it's where I learned to pick my audiences.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br>
To your larger issues around not wanting to be your mother (I'm so with you on this!), I think if you're genuine in your interactions and respectful of your son, you'll be fine. We can't own other people's reactions. The librarian said something and you responded honestly and in context. It's normal and wonderful for moms to delight in their children (notice delight, not brag). Many new moms worry about their own child's progress so they're filtering other's comments through that rather than taking things at face value. It's much, much easier being around other parents whose children are different ages/stages. If I'd been sitting there, I'd have been delighted <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.
 
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