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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My mother uses emotional manipulation on my 27 month old. For example, "eat this cause aunt K made it just for you and if you don't eat it, she'll cry." now that bugs me on two levels, the emotional manpiulation level and the "way to cause future eating problems" level. Most of the time though it's just plain old emotional manipulation. I point it out every time she does it. Now she'll say "there's some more good old emotional manipulation for you" after she says something. She says "well honey, that's the way you were raised."
She knows that we do not like it at all, and I don't think she's doing it to spite us or anything, I just think that's just what she's used to doing with kids.

So we've been at her house for a few days now, and the whole time my dd has not really wanted anything to do with my mother. I think it's the whole emotional manipulation thing. We respect my daughter and I think she notices the lack of respect from my mother. When my mom was wondering out loud why dd was so grumpy this time, I said maybe it's the emotional manipulation. My mom looked like taht was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard, and said "oh give me a break, I just don't give her everything she wants like you do." I told her we don't just give her everything she wants, and she says that I do she sees it. She never comes to my house, so she doesn't ever see us in our home environment. She said us being at her house was the same. It's not at all.

So how do I deal with this? My mom usually is really great, but I'm just upset over all this emotional manipulation. I'm pregnant and she says things like "well if you don't let me hold you, I guess I'll just have to hold the new baby when it comes." and I'm afraid that some of these comments are going to cause real problems in the future. How do I deal with this? thanks
 

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may i second the book recommendation? it is excellent.

i'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. from what you describe, your mother is saying some potentially damaging things. the other thing that is disturbing is that she is not honoring the (healthy) boundaries that you are attempting to uphold in order to protect your child from this emotional manipulation.

 

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Ugh, that stinks!
I 3rd the book suggestion. I would guess she's just clueless and doesn't know better.

I wonder if she used that w/you at all when you were a kid?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
yeh, she told me "well honey, that's how you were raised." and then she bitches about how 'crazy' I am. lol She really is awesome aside from the emotional manipulation stuff. It just really bothers me.
 

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How do you deal?

"Mom, stop." And then leave the room, change the topic, talk to your child about anything else. Just don't give her a chance to fight it. "Mom, stop" in a neutral tone, EVERY time, and then do something so that there's no chance to challenge you or make a joke out of it.

To me, this is non-negotiable. My grandmother was the MASTER of this and although she was sweet and well meaning, it has not served me well in life.
 

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To DC, "Is grandma so silly that she would think Aunt k would cry b/c you didn't eat?" Grammas are so silly aren't they? "
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MotherWhimsey
My mother uses emotional manipulation on my 27 month old. For example, "eat this cause aunt K made it just for you and if you don't eat it, she'll cry."

: oh man, i just had a flashback to last thanksgiving when i read this.
my mom said almost the exact same thing to my niece. except she said "she cooked this food for you so, you better eat it or your aunt (me) will get angry". angry about my little niece not eating my green beans??
i don't think so.
 
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