I have a divorced female friend that has been dating a man for a year. He moved in with her and her children approximately 7 months ago. He is also divorced and his two youngest children are a boy and girl ages 13 & 12. His children live full time with their mother but frequently spend the night at my friends home. Her home is not very large but it is "full of love" and the boyfriend's children actually prefer it to their 1/2 million dollar "cold house".
Initially, to acclimate the children to the new living situation, the boyfriend slept on an air matress, first on the living room floor with his children. Then when the children started feeling completely at home, the 13yo boy decided that he liked my friends bed better than the air matress and started sleeping with her while his father slept on the air matress next to the bed with his 12 yo daughter. This continued till about 2 months ago, my friend approached her boyfriend about the situation and how to go about getting the children to sleep with her children. The issue of "legal/not legally married" has not been an issue and the older children have joked openly infront of both my friend and their father as to what goes on when they are not spending the night. The older children have been raised openly and are aware of "love & relations" so, this was not an issue either. The father agreed with my friend that to start, his children would sleep on the air matress in the room and he would be in the bed to start then eventually, his children would move to the bedrooms with the other children. The father was to talk to his children before their next overnighter (about 4 a week then). But when bed time arrived, his children were asleep on the couchs in the living room and the adults went to bed. My friend woke up at 1am and her boyfriend was on the couch asleep with his daughter. When she questioned him why, he refused to answer but got up and came back to their room. At 2am, my friend was awakened by the 12yo asking her father why he was in the room instead of on the couch with her. He told her he would be right down and she left the room. At 3am, it happened again and then again at 4am! My friend questioned why this was going on and the boyfriend got up and went with his daughter to the couch and spent the evening their.
This became the pattern for the last 2 months and needless to say, the relationship has deteriorated to a point where my friend finally asked her boyfriend to move out.
I have searched the web and exhausted every possible source on every parenting source and maybe I am missing something. He is not a pedophile, claims to love my friend and claims to want to continue the relationship but she is so confused and hurt that she is ready to walk away from him and his children that she loves like her own without a look back.
Any advise would be helpfull. If anyone needs more information than what has already been provided, I will be glad to answer what I can. Please help if you can.
