Ending requests with "OK"?

I think I might have read the same article as you and then began to notice that I do this and other folks do it A LOT, too.

I have two very selective-hearing-oriented guys, so, like you I would say it just to illicit a response from my kiddos... But I just stopped... I'd end the sentence where it should without the "Okay?"

And it seems to work the same as not saying it. Sometimes if it id really important I'll have them repeat back to me what I said (this is especially effective with my 3 year old). I'll have them repeat to me, " we won't ride our bike in the street."

I think that the best reason not to finish with the o.k. is that we seems to fall into drone speak (like the whawhawha in peanuts ) and it is good to keep it lively . They seem to respond better when they're not sure what I'll say...

I dunno. I dont' analyze the way I talk to my kiddos. I'm always goofy and silly though. I tend to say "alrighty!" and so does DS

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Yeah, you know I've read a million articles about what you should and should not say to your children and most of the time I've really tried to utilize what the articles said because it sounded right. But when it comes right down to it, it's too dang hard to completely analyze and change the way I speak. I end up feeling like other ppl's words are coming out of my mouth when I try to change it.

I've notice that I end things with "OK" alot, and I agree that it's probably wrong to ask a kid if your request (demand?) is acceptable, and you shouldn't make something sound like a question if it isn't - but I just do it! I can't help it!

So far dd hasn't responded to "Pick up your crayons, ok?" with "No, it's not OK and I won't do it" so I have very little impetus to change.

Yeah, I do this all the time, too. And sometimes dd does subsequently respond as if it's a question (as in....Time to clean up, okay? No! [insert excuse of the day ]). I can't always remember not to phrase things this way, so when it becomes an issue I just say, "Let me rephrase that. Please help me clean up now." That works often enough.

It seems so harmless, just a habit in conversation. I say: "here's the deal" to soften a request DS might not like. I didn't have a problem with it until he started using it with me all the time!

Oiy!!!

My neighbor gets on my case EVERY TIME it comes out of my mouth.

I really prefer to ask DD if she'd like to pick something up or if she'd like to do something different or whatever when there is no serious need for something to be done THAT moment. My neighbor always chimes in with "You're giving her a choice- parents don't do that." I got so frusterated. I was NEVER given choices growing up and I held so much resentment. I don't want DD to grow up feeling that way. By the end of the day DD does end up helping pick up most everything if she declined doing it earlier so IMHO- as long as at some point before bed it's relatively done- who cares if I ask her?!

: Sorry. I'm very emotional wrt this neighbor because that was the same night her husband gave their oldest a "spanking" with a wooden spoon and she did nothing but chuckle at her kids 'tantrum'. Had I a car that night DD and I would have left in a heartbeat. :

My husband does this ALL the time. It does grate on my nerves. "We need to get ready for school, ok?" "It's time to come in and get washed up for dinner, ok?" and on and on. Almost every direction comes with the attached "ok" and the exception is when he is getting frustrated. My thing is, I will politely make my request (Please come in now and get washed up for dinner!) but I'm not adding OK to it, because I'm not giving them a choice. When you tack on OK to the end of everything it seems to me like you are giving permission to say no. I also just think it sounds kind of wishy-washy, but that's just me. Certainly my children don't seem to notice or have more misbehavior with dh because of this.

When I am giving directions I try to follow the rule of WHO WHEN and WHAT-- "Sammy, you have soccer in 15 minutes, please come in and get your shoes on." Keeping things simple and clear seems to put an end to a lot of ambiguity ("mom, you didn't say WHEN!") and things seem to go smoothly.

Just my 2 cents!

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I also have made a conscious choice to say "Understand?" or (if I'm nearing the end of my rope) "GOT IT?".

The OK thing definitely bugs me, especially because I see my mother use it with DS along with the other permissive items you mentioned. For example,
DS jumping on his chair at a restaurant: "Honey? Please sit down in your chair, OK?" (jump, jump, jump) "Come on now, let's sit down, OK?" (jump, jump, jump) AHHHH! :

I find I get much quicker compliance if I issue non-negotiable requests as statements instead of questions.

It feels like whenever I end a request with ok? it is an option. So I use ok? if there is another option available to dd. For instance, let's go lay down and take a rest, ok? Really, if she says no, that's fine by me. It's more of a suggestion from me, seeing that she is tired. I would not say, "Abby, hold my hand when crossing the street, ok?" Because that is not an option. Well, I guess i is since I could carry her, but I digress. Ok a better example would have been, Abby, use gentle hands with the kitty. I usually say, understand? instead of ok, and I model 'yes mama' to her. Before you jump on me, no, it's not a requirement, I just think when she says that, it means she has heard me, and is about to comply. She is free to offer another suggestion, or refute my request at any time. When she asks for me, I always say "yes Abby" to let her know I heard her.

I think there are times for using please and o.k. I use o.k. when I don't mind the answer being "no, not know, later " etc and please I use when there is a choice again. If they need to sit down in their chair at a restaurant, I say "time to sit down". I don't raise my voice or anything, but since it isn't a choice and I do need them to comply at the moment.

What really bugs me is when I hear "If you don't come with me, I am going to leave you at the store."

Seriously, what does that accomplish? Can you leave them at the store? Ummm, No. :
I have looked at my oldest and said in a sing song, silly voice "well, i guess you are going to have to live here now since you won't leave." She will roll her eyes, laugh and help get going. A little humor is always a good thing!

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:raises hand Guilty here! I am working on breaking this habit myself. I find that generally it's for the same reason...not really asking permission, just looking to elicit SOME kind of response! :