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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I recently had a situation and wonder if perhaps I went too far. I am the only one in my family practicing GD. Many, many times I've heard, "Just beat her #$% and she'll straighten up!" I just tell my family members that have the "spare the rod..." mentality that "We don't hit other people for any reason - how can you teach a kid to not hit when you turn around and hit them back?" and leave it at that.<br><br>
So, to my point... we had a family gathering at my house and my niece's children, ages 1.5 and 3 were getting into the dessert before we were ready to serve it. She immediately just started wailing on them without even explaining why they were getting the beating. I intervened and pretty forcefully told my niece that we do not hit in this house. Period. That if she wanted to physically punish her kids at her house, it's none of my business, but in my house, and especially in front of my daughter, no hitting was allowed. Now my sister is angry with me because she thinks I overstepped the bounds by telling her daughter how to deal with her own kids. Did I go too far or was it within my rights to do this? It was my own home, afterall. TIA for your thoughts.
 

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I don't think it's out of bounds to ask that people not show physical violence in your home. I mean, if one of the adults starting hitting each other yoiu woudl have every right to ask them to leave or call the cops.<br>
I'm proud of you for standing up to your family- it's not easy to do
 

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I am having the same dilemma, my two SILs hit their kids all the time. I never say anything when we go visit them, but they crossed the line last time they were here, for my wedding reception no less, and were smacking their kids. My relatives made plenty of comments to me afterwards. I didn't say anything that day because it was "my day" and didn't want a big scene, but if they visit again(we are 3 hours away, so unlikely) I will definitely just state, like you did, " hitting is not allowed in our home, if you want to do that, please go outside"<br>
I will get some shocked looks and probably yelled at about enforcing my parenting style, but you know what, I don't care.<br><br>
Maybe they will stop and think about what they are doing for a second and realize it is offensive. It made me sick last time they were here.<br>
Corrie
 

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Oh, this is horrible and so sad.<br><br>
You are absolutely right in line with not allowing violence in your home. Disregard all personal dynamics and put your foot down! NO WAY would that for a second go on in my home. Shoot, when I'm out in public I'm very offended when parents are abusive towards their children (in my world what you're describing is abuse)...so you're darn right if it were going on in my home I would speak up so fast my tounge would get dizzy! At the very least I would not want my dc exposed to the spanking...and at most those children need someone to speak up for them!<br><br>
Imagine if this were a husband and wife issue---say if your brother were hitting your sister in law (or brother in law your sister)...the police could be called on account of "spousal abuse." But yet a parent can spank (also known as HIT) a child who is MUCH smaller and it's just "their choice" of how to raise their child. SO SAD!<br><br>
And from now on keep the desert put away until it's okay to eat it. Who can blame the little ones for wanting to dig into yummy desert?!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks all for your replies. After really thinking about it, it was a no-brainer that I was well within my rights as a parent and homeowner. My sister and her daughter will just have to get over it eventually. Thanks again! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">you're darn right if it were going on in my home I would speak up so fast my tounge would get dizzy! At the very least I would not want my dc exposed to the spanking...and at most those children need someone to speak up for them!</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> ITA!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Ya know you did the right thing, amybe it wasn't that you said something or what you said but the <i>way</i> you said it that got her upset? I know I can come off as harsh if my dander gets up and that would have awoken "mama bear" in me! relax she will get over it.<br><br>
BTW.....if ANYONE needs a way to answer and/or challenge a "spare the rod" kinda person I have a great Bible eplanation that would SO make the person re-think what the Bible says about discipline. If anyone wants it pm me ok?
 

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Quite frankly, I would not even want my DD *around* anybody who hit their kids, wherever they were. If my SIL treated her DD like that, we would not be seeing her with our DD there, kwim? I'm so sad for you that you have to put up with that sort of crap in your family. But absolutely, 100% YES you are well within your rights.
 

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Another perspective: Your rejection of the abusive parenting might be the only message your nieces will ever receive that hitting them is unacceptable.<br><br>
Imagine being *them* (the little children) and being in a roomful of people who turn their eyes away from the beating, what sort of message is *that* giving to the children? That you think it's ok for them to be beaten, they don't even have the dignity of closed doors, how humiliating!!!<br><br>
No, you did the right thing, standing up for the innocent and abused and there might come a time where they, in their own minds, will say either, "Yes, I'm a bad person who deserves to be abused", or, "No, I shouldn't be hit and Aunt Velochic knows that too"<br><br>
DB
 
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