Mothering Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
660 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm having an increasingly difficult time helping my dd, 22 months, with tantrums. I wouldn't even say they are a full tantrum either because I can end one by just picking her up. I'd say they are just total overwhelming emotion due to tiredness or hunger. But the problem is i have a 2 month old and I can't pick her up and consol her long enough with a newborn in the house, or in the sling.

She is getting very verbal and tells me when she is tired or hungry or thirsty. But it's like she doesn't know what to do after that, like sleep if she is tired, eat if she is hungry. I have tried doing things at different times in the day, before nap, in morning, in afternoon after nap, nothing is working. I also have a 3 1/2 yo who is more active so she tries to keep up with her and wants to walk in all the stores etc but can't for the length of time older dd does. I wouldn't say it's related to the baby directly either as it's not directed towards him or me even. It's only indirectly related from the standpoint I can't give her time to help her. not like she's trying to make a point or send him back or anything. i just can't help her out of these situations like I'd like.

I feel like a fish out of water and don't know what else to do. My 3 1/2 year old only had one tantrum in her life and any other time we talk about her feelings and any upset or sad or mad feelings are aired out and then she's fine. But lately this is happening every day with my 22 mo to the point i'm scared of going into stores anymore. we were in target the other day and you could probably hear her if you were in the parking lot. Plus i have my 2 mo in a moby wrap and can secure him pretty good from her bucking so he doesn't get hurt but it's pretty hard to pick her 26 lbs up along with his 15! (he's a hunk!!).

I really don't know what to do. my older dd never ever did this. I kinda feel like i'm failing her as an "AP" parent. that this shouldn't be happening. i've heard this can go on well into her being 3...what can i do? Plus i feel like i'm always dragging my older dd along who always does the right thing and we are starting to have to leave stores or miss events because middle dd acts up. HELP!!!!!!
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,774 Posts
Up until 2.75, I avoided stores because DS was seeming to mellow out...Now, I am avoiding *events* (family events...graduation party etc.) because DS is giving people the impression that he can control Me and DH with his Meltdowns...which occur when he doesn't get his way.

I am waiting it out until he gets closer to Age 4...I hear they mellow out a bit at that Age.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,123 Posts
Oh, yeah.....I avoided stores like Target for the same reason when dd was 2, 3, ......even 4. There are still days now, at 5.5, that I just *know* she can't handle a big store. Dd is extremely sensitive to sound, smells, etc, and is terribly overstimulated by that kind of environment. Tantrum was inevitable, it seemed. We did some other things to help her with her sensitivities, but avoiding big stores was a simple way to gain some peace (for her and for me!). For the same reason, we still don't go to the mall. Dd *hates* the mall.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,842 Posts
I don't leave a store for a tantrum. I don't have the time or inclination to do that. If I am taking the time to go shopping (not my favorite task by any stretch of the imagination), I want to get it done, get home and put things away. I'm not about to leave a partially full cart only to have to come back and do it all again on another day when ds is in a better mood.

That said - some kids do tantrum more than others regardless of AP. I would just make sure that all her basic needs are met and try to go shopping when she is most likely to be in her best mood for the day. For my kids, that would always be first thing in the morning, after a good breakfast. And, I do just about always get a bag of PF Goldfish off the shelf to let them snack while we shop
: We pay for it on the way out. But, I have found that a snack keeps the little guy occupied.

As far as other events go - bring lots of snacks and drinks and some toys to try to keep her occupied. But, I don't leave those for tantrums either. I can't leave older ds's soccer games and things like that anyway, so I've had to just grin and bear it through a few tantrums. Ds2 is growing out of tantruming so much now, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh - there is a lot to be said for a Magna Doodle, too - lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,168 Posts
I stopped taking my son to the grocery store from about age 18 months to 30 months. He just couldn't take it and it was very hard on both of us. I started doing my shopping either at night, after son was in bed and husband was home, or doing it when my son was with a neighbor or sitter. Something about the store at that age just set him off. I now (he turned 3 last month) is pretty good at the store for reasonable amounts of time (e.g. 20-30 minute trip). For many months I did tell him bedtime stories about our cats going grocery shopping for ingredients for pancakes, using their grovery list, riding in the cart, and not buying candy that they didn't have money for. I have no idea if the stories helped, or if he just outgrew his lack of tolerance for grocery stores.....

I have found it effective in other stores/restaurants with tantruming )(which is admittidly rare with DS) to leave. I usually only have to leave once and that settles the issue - e.g. no more tantrums at that venue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,841 Posts
I absolutely avoided taking my DD to stores and restaurants when she was going through tantrum phases. I was lucky that my DH didn't mind keeping her while I shopped, and we did a lot of take-out during those times.

I did take her to kid-appropriate places, like the zoo and the park. Since those places were so chock full of kids, it didn't really bother me if she had a tantrum there. She did have plenty of tantrums at those places, and we'd just leave when she did that.

Just want to add that you're definitely not failing as a parent! Every kid is different, and it sounds like you're coping just fine. I hope it eases up soon!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
660 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone! Today I tried to change things up a little. Instead of going out in the afternoon, we went out as early as i could get all three out the door, that meant 10 ish! We went to a couple stores and as soon as I found what we needed we paid and left. I have come to realize she just hates, I mean HATES, the stroller. So she won't go in it even if she is tired. She wants me to pick her up. Today went a little better but I'll have to see if it holds true or it was just a fluke. It's not really the stores that set her off,and it's a way to get her older sis her exercise so I'd hate to have to stop.

I'm hoping this phase will go fast. She is trying so hard but it isn't easy on any of us. When i know she needs a break I'm gonna try to entice her into the stroller by having a blanket with me...she loves to cuddle with it. Otherwise I'll just have to put my newborn out of the sling, into the single stroller and pick her up to leave. I hate doing that because I like to use the time we are running errands to wear my babe. But I guess I have no choice other than to stay home...and we've had those days and we all get VERY bored!

thanks for the commiseration mammas!!!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
843 Posts
I bring dd out because there was no alternative, we have to eat. It helps that I view the rights of children to learn and make mistakes and have tantrums in public on an equal level with the non parents in the store to swear, have nasty phone conversations, and screech at their partner. I also don't take the views of strangers very seriously because they will be humiliated by their kids someday too and I know that I am the best mom I can be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
660 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
ha!
. Well, I'm not even so much upset at the reaction from others, although my dh definately is, but it's more that i feel we have to leave, that she gets sooooo upset and mostly that my older dd never acted like this and loves to shop. Even for small things. She brings her pretend stroller or cart or shopping bags and pretends to grab things off the shelves and put them in them. And when we have to leave she just follows, used to middle dd's antics and we talk about it after to make sure she isn't upset, but i still feel so badly. I tell myself it's all about being in a family and we all have to help each other through hard times. But sometimes it makes me so upset that the one i can count on to do the right thing, has to keep backing up BECAUSE she is doing the right thing. kwim? that kind of thing in life bothers me. Mr. Goodguy always gets the shaft. ug.

I just pray one day my middle dd will be as pleasant to shop with as my older one has always been.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,439 Posts
I have a tantrum thrower too
, its never easy with her. What I have found is that she needs to be in a carriage. Otherwise she is constantly running off on me and touching everything. So, if I need to run in the store for something wiithout spending an hour she needs to be in the carriage. I also have a 5 year old so I understand about the little one wanting to keep up with the bigger one. What I have done many times is to bring a snack and drink. Put dd in the basket of the carriage and request that ds ride on the outside of the carriage pointing out to her that he is right here and is just too big to be in the carriage. The more he takes off the worse she is, so I keep him very near. I also will often try to grab a carriage in the parking lot so that I put her right in from the car.

ETA: I dont avoid anything because of tantrums. They are a very natural thing for her. She threw more at age one than she does now at age 2, and think there were a few months that I went grocery shopping in the evening and also to walmart in the evening without the kids, or I take just one of the kids with me. When she throws a terrible fit I will often buy what I need and leave. I try to make trips with her quick. I dont totally avoid taking her out because its a learning process and my friends kids are just terrible to take anywhere. One is 10 and one is almost 4. She went the route of just staying home ALL the time and even says she wished she hadnt done that with her 10 year old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,782 Posts
as much as I hate making seperate trips (because of cost of gas) - I run only one errand a day... maybe grocery store one day - target another. I try to space them out too. I NEVER leave a store because of a tantrum. I let it ride it's course. I try and ignore the stares.

Like the above OP I put DS in the carriage right away in the parking lot if possible.

I also make sure that not every trip in the car is to go shopping. That way getting in the car sometimes means a trip to the park, etc. and not always boring shopping. It cut down on the car seat tantrums.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top