[ladybugchild77]

OK...so I am the mommy of a darling 3 month old baby girl and I feel like everyone (including my wonderful husband) is against my attachment parenting style! I am sleeping with the baby, brestfeeding her, and trying to wear her in a baby sling or front carrier. My mom and grandmother are telling me I am "spoiling" her and carrying her too much and that it's natural fo rbabies to cry...My husband is telling me the same sorts of things. I just feel like I am being ganged up on and don't know what to do. Any one else been in this situation?

 

[Malama]

I haven't been there- or maybe it was so long ago I forgot. Either way, it sounds like you are doing an AWESOME job mama! Way to go

:

Try going to an LLL meeting or something- you'll probably fit right in

 

[paquerette]

I'd focus on winning over the husband. It's his support you're going to need the most. Will he read stuff? You could try in the various forums for each of those things here and get recommendations of articles and books for beginners or reluctant people or whatnot. Off the top of my head, try Dr Sears' site, I think it's askdrsears.com .

Good luck! When they start getting you down, you can always find people here to remind you that you're doing the right thing.

 

[bri276]

yep it's natural for a baby to cry- and tell them it's natural for a mother to respond!

 

[rainy32]

a hug for you, mama! It sounds like you're doing what is best for you, and your dc.

Life will be much easier if you can get your dh on board -- what is he specifically opposed to? do you have the dr. sears book? it has great info for husbands. so does the book natural family living.

and yes, go to a lll meeting, it will help enormously to find community!

 

[bu's mama]

It sounds like you are doing a great job mama!

I agree with winning over your husband, especially since you'll want him to parent her in an ap way also.

As your baby gets older, you will become wiser & gain more confidence in your decisions. I've had similar reactions from close family & I feel the best way to approach it is to be informed. For example, regarding breastfeeding..."It really is the best way to feed and nurture a baby. If you're really interested I could share with you some of the information."

I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I would also say I'm glad you're concerned but I did/am doing the best things for me & my child and then tell them they can support me or keep their opinions to themselves - which they did since they wanted to see dd.

Ironically, now they praise dd - how kind & loving she is, she's sweet & pretty much well-behaved (I know part is an inborn temperment, but I do think ap has a lot to do with it).

eta - I second the Dr. Sears book - overall a good source of info, as well as finding like-minded mamas in your area. I live in mainstream, suburban hell & I've met some wonderful mamas through MDC (look in finding your tribe) & LLL.

 

[alybeans]

If your instincts tell you to AP than AP!! I was an APed kid and I swear I turned out great

Babies are kept safe and warm inside your uterus for 9 months, for anyone to think that they are meant to enter the outside world and be left to cry alone and be deprived of the constant human contact that they have become accustomed to is insane IMO!!! It just doesn't make any sense to me. If you think any of them would read some info on the subject I think that would help. You could earmark a few pages from a Dr. Sears book or show them an article from Mothering of something. There are tons of ways to deal with this kind of thing, I hope you find a way that works for you!

I think it helps to find some people IRL who support you. Maybe attend some LLL meetings or get together with some local MDC mommas via the find your tribe section.

We all know you are doing the best thing for your sweet baby!!

HUGS

 

[Leilalu]

What a great job you are doing!!!!

Actually, for something to spoil it is usually left alone........

 

[CrunchMama]

I agree that winning over the husband is the most important. Then he can run interference for you and you can ignore all of the crappy advice people give you.

In your post heading you said, I think, that everyone was against your parenting style. I can think of one person who is totally for it and so grateful...your daughter! Follow your instincts, it's why we have them!
Big hugs to you!

 

[Azreial]

Sounds like you gotten some good advise. I don't really have much to offer but a

for doingyour best for your daughter. I know mdc is not the same as support irl but I find it helps me, when I feel like I need support

 

[dumpsterdivamama]

Regarding the husband - At first, mine definitely would have done things differently. But, he listened to me, and trusts my mothering instinct, and I have shared with him the information I have received here and elsewhere, and he listens!! Educate him, not putting pressure, but just facts.
My dh would still not call himself AP (that sounds too "crunchy" to him, LOL) but he totally sees that this style of parenting MAKES SENSE. It's not about what everybody else does, it's doing what works and what is best for baby.
Gently educate him and he will see, in time...

About the others - don't worry about them

They may or may not ever see your side, and it doesn't matter!! Truly. Teehee!!

Sounds like you are doing a fabulous job! ((Hugs)) from another "gotta work on the hubby" mama!!!

 

[ladybugchild77]

Thanks so much for your replies!

I DO have a copy of Dr. Sears' book and it is dog-eared we have read it so much. I talked a little to my husband and although he thinks "babies cry" he did admit to me that Kiera seems like a very happy baby...I found an attachment parenting group about an hour away and think I'll give it a try...I live in a college town and so far I haven't found any othe rMamas even though Iposted in the "finding your tribe" section...I'm still looking...THanks again for your support!!! It really helps to know there are other sout there who think I am not psychotic becasue I want to nurture my darling baby!!! I have lost two babies befor eher and I just want to do the best of everything for my miracle baby!!!

 

[paquerette]

Another thing I thought of... make them prove their claims. Ask them to show you proof, in the form of scientific evidence, not "everyone knows" or "so-and-so's kid (fill in the blank)" or even "this guy said in this book", but actual medical proof that babies can be spoiled, or that they should be left to cry, etc. Even if they want to go to the trouble of trying to find anything, all the proof is on our side. :LOL

 

[green betty]

Ugh, sorry you have to deal with this.

I have been breaking out of my historical "angry n' righteous" mode to deal with these kinds of comments with humour. What do I do when told that I'm going to spoil my baby by holding him? Depending on my mood at the time, I:

A)sniff the baby with a worried expression and say "hmmm, he seems ok so far... maybe I should stick him in the fridge at naptime!"

B) cheerfully say, "that's right! In fact, it's already too late... he joined the Newtown vice lords last week!" and pick his hands up out of the sling to flash little baby gang signs.

C) exclaim in mock horror, "oh, God! What was I thinking! Giving my baby unlimited love and affection... what if he thinks he can ALWAYS get that from me? We might be close forever!" and then change the subject to something interesting.

You know that you're making great parenting choices, and so does your daughter. Exude self-confidence and keep on like you're doing, and your dh will come around. You don't have to fight other family members, but you don't have to worry about them either. The proof is in the pudding!

 

[nannymom]

ITA w/ everyone about the dr. sears book and winning over your dh. You may also want to get a copy of happiest baby on the block (excuse typos NAK). Even though your baby is happy the book does a great job of explaining why babies need to be apd. My dh was very supportive but this book helped him to understand it rather than to just go along it w/ it because I said so.
I also agree that you sound like a great Mom.

 

[mandalamama]

ITA here too, about the Dr. Sears book and website, and the LLL meetings. The Happiest Baby On The Block by Harvey Karp is also a great book! my husband was pro-AP but needed to study up on it, he liked HBOTB and The Baby Book.