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What should I do about this necklace?

  • Keep it, wear it, make myself feel grateful somehow

    Votes: 141 87.0%
  • Ask dh to return it because it is too expensive and we need the money for other things

    Votes: 19 11.7%
  • Other

    Votes: 2 1.2%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dh bought me a necklace for my birthday. I looked up the website and found out it costs over $200. I *feel* that I could have used that money for much more important things. There are a lot of purchases we need to make in the next several months, and a new necklace is just not necessary at all. He already took me out for a somewhat expensive birthday dinner anyway.<br><br>
Dh never denies me anything we can afford, and I try not to take advantage of that too much. What should I do?
 

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You should post a link to the site so we can appropriately judge the gift. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I would wait until much later, like in November and talk about gifts. My dh like to give me flowers....I don't care for cut flowers. I waited until a very nutural time to tell him I would perfer live plants
 

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Did he say why he bought that specific necklace? Was it something that you really loved that you wouldn't have bought for yourself?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Good idea.<br><br><a href="http://www.sivertson.com/Images/SS_PussywillowNL_SILVE01000011_165_lg.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.sivertson.com/Images/SS_P...011_165_lg.jpg</a><br><br>
There's a pic of the bracelet and necklace... I got the necklace.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momileigh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11562892"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Good idea.<br><br><a href="http://www.sivertson.com/Images/SS_PussywillowNL_SILVE01000011_165_lg.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.sivertson.com/Images/SS_P...011_165_lg.jpg</a><br><br>
There's a pic of the bracelet and necklace... I got the necklace.</div>
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Love it! Very very pretty. Maybe he got a deal on it. It is gorgeous, and you should feel loved each time you wear it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Kind of a funny story how he picked it out. I saw it and said, "Oh, look! That's so pretty. [pause] But I don't think I'd wear it."<br><br>
???<br><br>
I love my dh but sometimes things like this baffle me just a little!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fek&fuzz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11562900"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Love it! Very very pretty. Maybe he got a deal on it. It is gorgeous, and you should feel loved each time you wear it.</div>
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Oh gee whiz. Now I'm crying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I would let this one go. Sometimes DH or I buy the other person something indulgent that we think the other would love. I like being able to buy him something that he would never actually buy for himself. For example, we are currently in a major savings push, but for DH's birthday I bought him a piece of the basketball court from our alma mater - the court that was used while we were in school. He gets this giddy look on his face every time he walks by it.<br><br>
What I would do for the future, is have a discussion about dollar limits. Some years we set a limit for things like Christmas or birthdays. This year we said only token gifts for valentine's day. So at some time well away from the actual events, you could always set a limit for next year.<br><br>
Oh, and I love that necklace. I actually gasped when I clicked on the link.
 

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It is very, very pretty. I don`t know about yours but my DH would be very offended if I returned a gift he bought me. ..
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momileigh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11562892"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Good idea.<br><br><a href="http://www.sivertson.com/Images/SS_PussywillowNL_SILVE01000011_165_lg.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.sivertson.com/Images/SS_P...011_165_lg.jpg</a><br><br>
There's a pic of the bracelet and necklace... I got the necklace.</div>
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That is beautiful!<br><br>
I think you have to trust your dh to know what he thinks is affordable. I'm pretty practical too but he tried and that's what matters. It's the thought.<br><br>
My dh bought me a very pretty heart, white gold, with diamonds. It was very "traditional" jewellry and not really my taste..I like funkier and fun stuff. But I wear it a lot because he gave it too me. I too was SHOCKED by the price but my dh is amazing and I figure he only spent it if he could spare it. Fact is we never really missed the money so <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
Enjoy. You will grow to love it and it's a nice piece to pass down to a daughter maybe. And maybe someday you can get the matching bracelet for the other daughter.<br><br>
I voted keep it.
 

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Goodness, that is beautiful! I love it.<br><br>
I'm so impressed with your dh, really. If I mentioned something like that in passing, my dh would never remember. Yours remembered! Wow.
 

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I would keep it. At least he was thoughtful enough to get you something, some women arent that lucky. My dh bought me a $500 video camera one year for xmas when we really couldn't afford it. I always wanted one and he got me one. It came from his heart and he was thoughtful, so I just kept it. And I loved it!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momileigh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11562903"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Kind of a funny story how he picked it out. I saw it and said, "Oh, look! That's so pretty. [pause] But I don't think I'd wear it."<br><br>
???</div>
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I am sure that my opinion is not going to be very popular but, if you said that, then I would definitely return it. Of course, DH knows better than to buy me anything especially something like that because I am so darned cheap. If you would wear it, keep it. If you won't wear it, return it. What would be worse, leaving it in the jewelry box and never wearing it or returning it and getting the money to do something more practical that could benefit the entire family? Leaving it in the jewelry box would be a waste of money IMO. But, that's just me.
 

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If you don't want it, I'll take it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Seriously, I think it's time for some rowdy birthday lovin'.
 

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Just be grateful. He did a very thoughtful, loving thing for you. My dh does this for me all the time even though I've talked to him many times about not spending lots of money on gifts. He spent about 1K on a ring for me for mother's day. He had already given me a mother's ring after our second child and all he did was have the birthstone of our third child added. He insisted on getting a "real" gemstone rather than a synthetic one even though it would've been much cheaper and I wouldn't have known the difference. He wanted me to have the best. That together with the fact that the price of gold rising made that addition cost more than the original ring with 4 stones. There are definitely tons of other more practical things I could've spent the money on. We just had our 8th anniversary on the 24th. I told him we didn't have money for gifts. He still bought me a bouquet of flowers. He couldn't not give me something. My husband likes to give me gifts. It makes him happy. It would hurt his feelings very much if I didn't appreciate it.<br><br>
Have you heard of the book The Five Love Languages? One of the languages is gift-giving. Maybe that's how your husband expresses his love for. What a wonderful expression. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Awww, that is a GORGEOUS necklace! Yes, I would definitely keep it--not just because it's lovely, but because it would hurt my DH's feelings considerably if I took it back. I'd feel like I was saying 'Not only do I not love this so much that I wanna keep it even if we can't afford it, but I don't trust your financial judgment'. DH has been known to buy me presents which make me go 'ulp'--in fact it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago and he splurged obscenely--but at the end of the day, I trust him with our finances. And we're okay! We're not starving in the streets because of my new pretty clothes.<br><br>
Of course, your DH might not take it that way at all! You know him better than we do. But my vote is: keep it, and make some occasions to wear it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I understand the concern of having a gift purchased when finances could be better distributed in another way. I would keep the gift, but after a month or so, or before any other special occasions came up - I would talk to Dh and let him know that you really appreciated the gesture, but that it's hard for you to truly appreciate gifts of that nature and value when there are so many other things that could be better suited with those funds.<br><br>
My DH would understand this if approached honestly and openly. I would be impressed that he'd made such a gift to me, but I would want to discuss future gift expectations and straighten things out so that the situation doesn't come up again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
OK. You guys are right. I am going to keep it and I'm going to forget about the money and just enjoy it. Thanks so much for the perspectives. I'm officially not annoyed anymore. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
The dollar limit conversation is a good idea. I totally get the concept of waiting a looooong time to have that discussion, though. Maybe the next time we're discussing our budget. (Doesn't happen too often.)<br><br>
Now for a different, yet related question: how fancy is this necklace? What can I wear it with?<br><br>
Here's a pic of me wearing it: <a href="http://extremeleigh.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">http://extremeleigh.blogspot.com/</a> (please ignore the rest of my silly "blog")<br><br>
I do love the way it looks and it is very pretty, but I almost feel like I should be dressed like some kind of, I dunno, wood sprite or something to match it. (I am fashion challenged, if you haven't already figured that out.) The comment about not wearing it was because I don't feel like I know how to wear it. But it will hurt dh's feelings if I never wear it, and it would be a total waste of money, so I do need to figure this out.
 

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Oh my, that necklace is very beautiful!<br><br>
I would be super flattered if my DF heard something I said and then remembered it and went and bought it. I mean, he probably heard "this is the best necklace ever!" and then was very proud of himself for buying it for you as a surprise.<br><br>
IMO, you should be extremely grateful. It was straight from his heart. He wanted to do something nice for you. Not something practical, or useful, but nice and thoughtful. Sounds like you've got yourself a wonderful DH! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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