My friend's grandma passed away in March and they are going to be doing her internment on Mother's Day. She has a three year old who asks a lot of questions and my friend has no idea how to explain what they are doing. She is being cremated and tell her the actually true will freak her out. It was easy for them to explain what happened when the grandma passed. They just said that she was in heaven and their dd just said with her dog and that was enough. Grandma was playing with the dog now. But how do you explain cremation and what they will be doing at the internment. My friend would like to leave her dd at home with a babysitter but her dad wants the kids there. Does anyone have a suggestions that I could tell her? What do you say to no scare a little one?
explaining cremation to a three year old
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Joined
·
2,128 Posts
My dad died when ds was 22 mos. and when ds was about 3.5-early 4 years old he became very intrested in death and what happened to my dad.<br><br>
I would suggest that your friend simply answer the question with as much info as her child asks for. She may not even ask how her grandma got turned into ashes and a simple "We're spreading grandma's ashes." might be enough.<br><br>
My son, at that age, understood that sometimes people are buried, so I was able to build on that. but he was very curious and wouldn't be satisfied with pat answers. So I explained that when people die they can choose to be buried in a coffin in the ground or to have their bodies turned into ashes and spread out someplace special...and that Grandpa Lew chose to have his body made into ashes and put in the river in the mountains. When ds asked HOW his body was turned into ashes I took a deep breath, held back the tears and said that his body, which was dead so it didn't feel anything (it was like his body was a manniquen at the store), was put into a big oven that burned it up. When it was ashes they were put in a container and given to us to put in the river. I reiterated that the body was like a piece of wood or a manniquen and that grandpa lew was no longer in it so he couldn't feel anything at all. It was really scary for me to say all this to ds, but he seemed to want to know the details and he handled it a lot better than I thought he would.<br><br>
But, again, this is what worked for my own son's personality. I can't say for sure that it would or wouldn't freak out your friend's child. Kids are a lot more resiliant than we typically think, but only your friend can know how much her daughter can handle.
I would suggest that your friend simply answer the question with as much info as her child asks for. She may not even ask how her grandma got turned into ashes and a simple "We're spreading grandma's ashes." might be enough.<br><br>
My son, at that age, understood that sometimes people are buried, so I was able to build on that. but he was very curious and wouldn't be satisfied with pat answers. So I explained that when people die they can choose to be buried in a coffin in the ground or to have their bodies turned into ashes and spread out someplace special...and that Grandpa Lew chose to have his body made into ashes and put in the river in the mountains. When ds asked HOW his body was turned into ashes I took a deep breath, held back the tears and said that his body, which was dead so it didn't feel anything (it was like his body was a manniquen at the store), was put into a big oven that burned it up. When it was ashes they were put in a container and given to us to put in the river. I reiterated that the body was like a piece of wood or a manniquen and that grandpa lew was no longer in it so he couldn't feel anything at all. It was really scary for me to say all this to ds, but he seemed to want to know the details and he handled it a lot better than I thought he would.<br><br>
But, again, this is what worked for my own son's personality. I can't say for sure that it would or wouldn't freak out your friend's child. Kids are a lot more resiliant than we typically think, but only your friend can know how much her daughter can handle.
My Dad passed when my dd was 3.5 years old - I was nearly 8 months pregnant with my second and we said the memorial was a celebration for his life and we have not spread the ashes yet so I have not had to have that talk. I don't have the courage to tell her the burned up in an oven part. You said it well, but I can't even think it even though it is over now and all - That said I think that I would not give them any more than info than what they truly ask for.<br><br>
Good luck!<br><br>
cappsa
Good luck!<br><br>
cappsa
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Join the discussion
Join now to ask and comment!