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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Now that we are expecting again, suddenly our 3 year old DS is asking more questions about our first baby. We recently lost a family pet so he has started to understand death. He finally questioned me the other day about exactly why Isaac wasn't "here with us" and I explained about how he was born too soon and could not live, I also showed him the cerclage stitch that kept DS inside (yes I saved it) and explained we had the same kind of stitch put in with this baby.<br><br>
My son asks very direct specific questions and so it wasn't really possible to avoid sharing this information without totally shutting down his curiousity and in general I try to tell him the truth about questions he asks.<br><br>
Still, I think knowing that babies can die, and knowing that he had a brother who did die before he was born is a pretty heavy load for a three year old who just discovered the existance of death in the first place. I've been trying to find some children's books that talk about the topic to help him voice his feelings and fears about it, but all of the books about pregnancy loss assume that the loss has taken place with the living child present, while this all happened before DS was born. I'm afraid that reading them might simply reinforce the idea that THIS baby could die and I don't want to do that.<br><br>
Has anyone either found reading material to help describe what happened to their "rainbow" child, or just found a really good way to talk about it to them? What have you told subsequent children about their older but missing siblings?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
No one? Hasn't anyone else been in this situation?<br><br>
Today he asked me "is this baby going to get to stay with us?" :cry
 

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Hi,<br>
I have no living children to explain to, but I do know of two children's books that address this. One is called "Someon Came Before You" and the other is "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead". They are both available on Amazon.com
 

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I did like the book "Lifetimes", and I think there is no way out but to answer their questions truthfully. Of course, it need not involve a lot of details, but to avoid the questions may only cast longer shadows into the future.<br>
As they say, they are probably ready for the answer if they can ask the question.<br>
I will just keep the answers simple and straight-forward.
 

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I have thinking a lot about this too. My "rainbow" child is 3 and we just had another babe. I've told her about her sister and she has started asking a lot of questions - like - "why is she buried?" when we went to the cemetary and "Why isn't "Julianna" here. I want to see her"<br><br>
We have a pencil portrait displayed in our living room of the dead baby and I try to explain to my dd but it is tricky that she had a sister who she never knew, who she will never know. She doesn't really understand that there was anything before her. She asks me where she was at my wedding.<br><br>
Anyway i've never heard of that book "Someone Came Before You" but it sounds perfect. I hope that my kids will grow up knowing they have an angel sister looking over them. Of course its harder since I dont really have set religious beliefs but I like the idea of a guardian angel.
 
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