[MariesMama]

My ex texted me today to ask if his new (of less than two months) girlfriend could pick up DD next week for visitation because he has to work (and he has no license). DD has been around this girl a few times, and is very friendly to everyone/has no separation or stranger anxiety. I told him it was fine, but the more I think about it, the more I'm not sure about this. I don't know this girl too well at all, and I don't want to set a precedent of letting just anyone pick DD up. Plus, since he is going to be at work, I don't know who is going to be caring for DD until ex gets out.

Any input, suggestions, or advice AT ALL would be greatly appreciated.

 

[meemee]

hmmm - maybe you should set up an agreement like i have that if one parent cant watch our dd then the other parent gets first dibs and if that doesnt work then think about childcare.

i would totally call him and find out who is watching dd and that you would like to keep dd with you until he gets out and then maybe his gf can pick him and your dd - if its not too much of a drive and the hours are reasonable.

 

[AlwaysByMySide]

Do you have a first right of refusal clause in your divorce decree/parenting agreement? If he is going to be at work, that doesn't sound like "visitation" to me.

I'd be more worried about what she's doing with whoever is picking her up for 'visitation with her dad', than just the fact that any random person is picking her up. If he can't visit with her, that doesn't mean his girlfriend CAN.

 

[MariesMama]

I guess that his mother is going to be home - DD and ex have their visitation at his mother's because his apartment is unfit for her and he hasn't bought anything for her to have over there. I'm still not super comfortable with his GF picking her up - he works until 10pm or 12am so it really isn't feasible for them to pick DD up when he gets out.

I asked ex for GF's phone number. I think that's reasonable, for me to be able to reach the person driving DD around. If he won't go for it then I will tell him he can pick her up in the morning.

Also - we have no visitation or parenting plan. He sees DD when it is convenient for him and has so far refused to set up any kind of schedule. Not so convenient for me - and if he suggests a time that doesn't work out for me then he claims I'm keeping her from him and says he's going to the Friend of the Court. I'm about to just tell him to go for it. They just love parents who refuse to even try to sit down and set up reasonable visitation with the other.

 

[meemee]

mama document. document. document. for future. write everything down. esp. when you say no and why. all telephone calls date time and conversation. what time he picks her up - who picks her up or u drop her and when she comes back. you have no idea how much the court respects that kind of documenting.

yes you are being v. reasonable about GF's phone number.

and yeah right he is going to go to court?!!! and deal with CS and everything else. i dont think so.

 

[attachedmomto3]

personally i wouldn't let GF pick up your dd. have him pick her up when he's done working. you said he works late, so he can pick her up in the morning.

and i agree with the pp he's not going to go to Friend of the Court!

jmho

 

[FullMetalMom]

Can't his mom pick dd up?

 

[MariesMama]

Thank you everyone! I told him that if he had to work late, that he could pick her up in the morning. She sleeps in a pack and play in the living room at his mom's house - I explained that since he wouldn't be seeing her anyway it would be better for her to sleep in her own bed. He said that his mom wanted to see her, and that he would try to get out early.

We already have CS through the courts but he hasn't wanted to set a schedule yet, I honestly don't know his reasoning for it. He just won't do it.