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Ei-yi-yi! That's a tricky situation. For starters, you need to talk a lot to dh and make sure he really understands and supports GD. Talk about a lot of what-if scenarios. If dh isn't completely supportive, you'll have major problems. He should be the one dealing with his family. You should be ready to swoop in if it looks like MIL is thinking of disciplining. She has the right to make rules in her house so you'll have to be on your toes to enforce them before she gets a chance. I think it would be difficult to have a calm discussion about your parenting style without making her defensive. You could tell her that you'll take dd home anytime she isn't behaving up to MIL's standards. You could also volunteer to host gatherings so that you are on your own turf and make it known that there is a no hitting rule in your house which applies to adults as well as children. You could explain that you think it will confuse dd if she sees hitting and you are afraid she will emulate the adults and think hitting is OK, not understanding why they are doing it (not that I understand why, either
). Personally, I wouldn't want my ds to witness the kind of interactions you've described. Maybe you can say something about how you have such great memories of what fun your grandmother was and that you want dd to have similar ones so you don't want MIL to discipline, just let you or dh know if there is a problem and you'll take care of it. You would like dd and MIL's relationship to just be about fun and love, so you'll take care of disciplining and feeding veggies.

Good luck!
 
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