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Definitely agree that your DH needs to stand beside you 100% on this. Even if there's a point he disagrees on in the heat of the moment he must always be supportive of you with the agreement that you will discuss it between yourselves in private later.

Obviously, any visits without you there are out of the question for now.

But the bigger problem is how this is going to affect your child. I honestly believe that a child who is surrounded by kids being hit and punished is going to rapidly become desensitized to it. He will also be affected by it in negative ways, in some way countering all the good your doing by being gentle with him. So you need to really think about the role these people are going to play in your lives. This isn't as simple as 'don't do to my kid what you do to yours' since he is going to be surrounded by it anyways.

I think at some point this will inevitable come to a head, and I don't honestly know what the solution is. You can't really expect these other parents to "not discipline" their children just because you are there. You can't expect to change everybody to your way of thinking, either. And any attempt you make to do so will be met with defensiveness, hostility, and probably derision.

If it were me, I would have my husband explain what the problem is, and see if everybody can figure out a solution together. Though with the mentality they hold towards their kids, I doubt very much if they'd be interested in working something out, let alone respecting your feelings.

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