[CoBabyMaker]

Two years ago one of my best friends passed away from cancer. Her husband began using drugs. Their 3 boys have been in legal custody of another woman for the 7 months but she is a little older and cannot commit to caring for them long term. (Dad has made no effort to contact in months and what little info we have on his current situation is not good.) Long story short my husband and I have decided to pursue adopting the boys. We already have three kids (their ages are all just a few months apart, essentially it would be like three sets of twins).

My issue is with my husbands parents and one of his sisters. They are not being supportive at all. They are choosing to live in fear and only seem to be concerned that this will damage our bio kids. We are not being foolish and understand that this is not a small undertaking.

I know i'm not the only one who has faced this. How have you dealt with it? Hubby has very patiently been answering questions and trying to help them work through their fears. I am praying a lot and also hope that time will help. My concern is primarily for the boys and that they feel accepted. I can't relate to the reaction from DHs family reaction at all. please help!

 

[lauren]

This does sound like a fairly unique situation, so haven't been through it. It sounds amazing that you are willing to consider this, and that you and your husband are on the same page. I think that is the most important thing--that you have the support of one another. How do your children feel about it?

The only question I would ask you, is if the boys were well nurtured when they were little, or if there was trauma? If there was trauma or inconsistent parenting, you need to approach the situation 'eyes wide open', assuming there will be more than a little bit of challenge and prepared to go to therapy with and for them. Many pre-adoptive parents believe that love will be enough to override any trauma, abuse or neglect, and it is much more complicated than that.

 

[maryriley80]

The only important thing is that you and your husband is on the same page regarding this. I totally agree with what Lauren said about love not being enough to override any trauma or neglect, however, if you are being consistent in giving that love and care to those children I don't see any problems. This is a major undertaking for your family and I hope you get through with it. You're a blessing to those children. God bless.