Mothering Forum banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
446 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>My almost 3 year old DD does not make eye contact.  She is very friendly and makes friends easily with kids her age.  DH also is not that good at making eye contact.  Should I work with her to help her make eye contact?  Perhaps it's just a personality thing?</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
<p>So I could be completely off the mark, so take this with a grain of salt, but an inability to make eye contact is a very common symptom of Asperger's Syndrome.  I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but it's a form of Autism (I know, scary word these days) but it's often a very mild socially based disorder (another word I hate)  You say that she makes friends easily though, so perhaps not?  I took care of two brothers who were later diagnosed with Asberger's and they had a very hard time making eye contact (their dad also has it)  They are very smart, very sweet boys, they just have a difficult time socially -getting to know other kids, feeling comfortable interacting with them, sometimes they get overly upset about certain things and don't quite know how to calm down.  But  NOTHING is wrong with them, they get a little extra  one on one in school, and they're great kids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You mention that DH does the same thing, have you ever asked him why?  Has it always been a problem for him?  Is it something that has been a problem for you in your relationship?  Could it just be shyness or do you feel like it's something else? Maybe it's just a learned behavior from her dad?  When did you first notice it with DD?</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
252 Posts
<p>I think it could easily be a personality trait. Many introverted people prefer not to make eye contact. Extroverted people have a hard time understanding how exhausting it is to connect with so many people because they get energy from contact with others. Introverted people need time to recharge and interacting with others actually depletes their energy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I know when I don't have anything left in my emotional battery I purposefully avoid interaction/eye contact and situations where I will encounter people. Even with my husband. He's an extrovert and doesn't really get it but he's learning not to be offended or treat me like there is something wrong me it is just the way I'm wired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think encouraging eye contact might backfire, especially if she is an introvert. The decision to make eye contact is personal and I remember being barked at to "look at me when i talk to you" and that never went well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since she's able to make friends and socialize I'd leave it alone or risk making it worse.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
252 Posts
<p>Also here is a great link to an article: <a href="http://imaginationsoup.net/2010/08/shes-not-shy-shes-introverted/" target="_blank">http://imaginationsoup.net/2010/08/shes-not-shy-shes-introverted/</a></p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
446 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<p>Thank you so much for your responses.  As I said DD is very friendly and social.  She is more of the "look at me" child then the stand back and watch kid.  But she does like playing by herself and being quite for periods of time too.  I think I may just let it go and make an effort to always look at her and make eye contact when I am chatting with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As for DH, he would say "Why do I have to look you in the eye?  Who made up that rule?" and then stare at me.  He has very good self esteem.  But he is quieter.  It does not effect his work because people I think expect this behaviour from computer person.  In fact it may make them trust him more.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
252 Posts
<p>Also something to remember is that people shift in and out of phases of introversion and extroversion. I've found that if I'm processing a lot of new information or learning something that is particularly challenging I want to spend less time with people.</p>
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top