[pumpkingirl71]

Just curious how many of your are facebook friends with birthparents? Has it been a blessing or not so much?<br><br>
Dd's birthmother just friended me. Not sure what I am going to do. Mostly I want to do anything I can to keep communication open for dd's sake, but her birthmother can be really unpredictable and difficult. I am close to 100% sure that confirming the friend request is not something I want to do, but I wanted the hear what others have to say.

 

[Sierra]

ds' grandmother has hinted around about being on facebook and wanting to be friends. No friend requests yet, but even with a fairly close relationship, it doesn't fit with what I want to do on Facebook.<br><br>
Then again, I generally use facebook for work folks, turned down a suggestion from my own mom to be friends, and only accepted my sister's friend request so she could see a video. I just let everyone know that I mainly use facebook for colleagues and folks I serve.

 

[Polliwog]

You could always friend her and then block her from seeing anything that you dont' want her to see. I "think" I would friend my DS's birth mother/grandmother and my FD's birth father but none of them are computer users.

 

[Tigerchild]

It probably depends on what you use FB for. I primarily use it to keep in touch with relatives, so I don't use it as a general blog or anything, and I do censor what I say. (Honestly, I think everyone should do that anyway, but that's another subject.)<br><br>
But FBing with an unstable person can be...very stressful. I've recently had to lock down my wall since my mom is going through a psycho stage right now (and I'm always the target of her rages). She left a very embarassing and inappropriate wall post (luckily I saw it within seconds as I happened to be online, so I removed it before anyone else saw it probably). And she has been using FB mail for nastygrams. I am very close to just "hiding" her, but she seems to be calming down since it seems like I'm totally ignoring her and not engaging. I really didn't want to friend her, but again, it's become a family way to keep in touch, I already heavily self-edit, and sadly now I know it's something that she probably will attempt to use in the future to embarass or manipulate me (unsuccesfully, since invariably she always shocks people and makes herself look...well, like a crazy person).<br><br>
I'm not sure what you mean about "unstable" though. I think you should only FB someone if they fit in clearly to your FB mindframe (as Sierra mentioned--some people use it only for friends or work contacts or family or whatever), and in the case of someone that you don't know well or have reservations about you need to be willing to monitor their activities on your portion. You also need to be able to handle whatever TMI they put on their own page (that you will be able to see unless you hide them). Some people couldn't care less about TMI (me) others really get worked up over other people's life decisions, ect.

 

[lauren]

Might it work to communicate with her through the messaging you can do behind the scenes on FB, but not as a Friend?

 

[SundayCrepes]

You could create a separate FB account just for her.<br><br>
I don't really do FB. I actually only started so I could do a virtual protest when they were taking off pictures of moms nursing their babies. My daughter's bmom sent me a friend notification so I said yes. Then her mom and her daughter asked to be friends and I said yes. We don't communicate that way, we're just "friends." (We communicate via regular ol' email.)<br><br>
So now when people ask me to be friends, I'm hesitant to do so because I want to protect the privacy of the bmom and her family. Since I don't really do the FB thing, it's not that big a deal, but if you're a regular FB person, it could be really inconvenient.

 

[RiverandJulie]

I would be really careful about that. Do you want to have to censor everything you post on facebook. Or if you post about your dd, do you want to think about how her birthmother will feel about what you are saying. I think to be sensitive to your own emotions and hers, it is best to keep her off. Tell her you really only use it for work, or family. Offer to send pics and emails to her, but really fb is personal space.

 

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Dd's bmom hasn't requested me, but I would definitely say no. I have been to her myspace page and found pictures of dd next to pictures of bmom's boobs-- and we're not talking breastfeeding pics either--and crazy parties. We've gone round and round with her about posting VeeGee's pictures without our permission, and have now disallowed her from even taking pictures, and we don't send her digital ones either.<br><br>
All that to say, the extent to which you allow your dd's bmom to be involved with the life you have on FB, would depend, IMO, on how you see her living her own life there. Is her page one that you'd like to be connected with?<br><br>
I'm kind of a freak about FB. I use it A LOT, but I have several different levels of privacy and groups -- I determine who sees what on every post or picture. That takes some time, though, setting those levels up.