Sounds to me like you're doing a great job as an AP mama. I try to remember
that I am never given more than I can handle at any given time, and if you're
blessed with a high-needs baby, then you probably have the inner strength
to handle it.
Your dh seems to be helpful, taking time off of work. What does he actually
DO during teh day, though? Maybe you should determine 2-3 concrete goals
that would help you feel better on a daily basis--and then evaluate your "success"
that day on those goals, instead of being the "perfect" AP mama-ideal, who seems
to only exist for the purpose of the rest of us feeling bad about ourselves.
For me, I needed to take a shower each morning, have 3 decent meals
per day, and get out for at least a 10-minute walk (with or without ds).
For the first 2 months, those are the ONLY things I made it a point to do
everyday (besides nursing, etc.) and my dh made sure I did them.
My mom and MIL were also here to pick up the slack here and there.
For you, obviously, time with your ds is also important. Can your dh take
your newborn for a walk or give a bath so that you can have time alone with
your older child? Do you have another adult around to do laundry, dinner,
etc., so that dh can help wiht the parenting stuff?
Frankly, it burns me up when people question their dh's right to be with his
child. It's HIS child too. 1/2 his child. Obviously the newborn is initially more
attached to mama but it's not like the mama took a parenting test either.
Anyway, off my soapbox.
even harder with another little one around. Remember that your mothering
of ds for the past few years has not been forgotten--you have put your
investments into the AP bank, so to speak, and your relationship with
ds will NOT be ruined b/c he gets more time with daddy for a few months.
Take good care of yourself--remember that a new kind of motherhood has
been born along with your newborn and that your vision of AP motherhood
will (by necessity) change a little bit as well. That doesn't mean it's worse,
And congrats on your new little one!