Mothering Forum banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
We have a two year old daughter who is an only child. We have struggled with childcare since her birth. We didn't want to do daycare if we didn't have to, but no one in our families were available to watch her. I work from home and tried keeping her at home with me while I worked but that was a disaster. We can't afford a nanny. After one year of struggling and having problems at work because of it, my mom offered to watch her on the agreement that we would pay her. My mom said she would not come to our house and we would need to bring our daughter over there which is over an hour commute time with traffic going her way. Going our way towards our house it is not as bad, but she refused to come to our house to watch her. She started out watching her five days a week and initially all was good.
After a couple months my mom starting canceling on us at the last minute, often when I had already woken my daughter up early and was driving to my mom's house in traffic. She would call me ten minutes before I was supposed to be there and say that she was sick or dizzy and couldn't watch the baby that day. I understand these things happen, but it started happening at least once a month. She would then decline to watch our daughter for 2-3 days at a time while she recovered. This put a huge strain on us because either me or my husband had to take the day off work so we could watch our daughter. She never apologized and when I tried talking to her about it became very defensive and hostile. She did not understand why my spouse and I couldn't just take off work at the last minute multiple times a month and told me if it was a problem then I needed to call my back up sitter on those days. I tried stressing to her that we didn't have a back up sitter but she wouldn't listen. She truly did not understand why my spouse and I couldnt just take off work every time she felt sick or dizzy and even told me if it was that much of a problem then maybe I needed to quit my job and just stay home with our daughter.
We started to notice when we dropped our daughter off or picked her up that my mom was making my dad do everything. When we arrived, my mom would be sitting in her lounger and never once got up but told my dad to get the baby's bag for us and pack it up and help us to/from the car. My dad is elderly and has a lot of health problems and should not be doing this. My mom is still healthy and agile. Every time we showed up, my mom was sitting in that chair and never once got up.
A couple months ago our daughter started coming home with bruises and scratches on her body almost every week. My mom told us it was typical toddler injuries and she had fallen down while running or playing. Initially it was understandable and we didn't question it, but it continues to happen. My mom was never abusive with me growing up and rarely spanked me and my brother, so she is not a violent person and we had no reason to question her. One night when my husband and I were playing with our daughter, she walked away and started playing like she was crying and hanging her head down. She then walked over to us and started saying, "I'm bad". We have no idea where she learned this because we never tell her that she is bad. She would also start acting like she was yelling and would wag her fingers in our faces which is something else we never do with her. This was very strange and disturbing.
Two days ago my mom again called and said she was sick at the last minute and couldn't watch the baby. She then called us later in the day and said she was feeling much better and to bring her the next morning. When I dropped her off yesterday morning, my mom told me that she and my dad have decided to take a weeks long vacation out of state in the next couple of weeks and so I would need to make other plans for my daughter that week. I told my mom I didn't have a week's worth of PTO saved up and wouldn't within a couple weeks so I couldn't stay home with her. I asked her if she could give me some time to save up some days off, but she said no and that they were going out of town.
Later that day she called me and said there had been an accident and our daughter had stuck her hand in the refrigerator door and crushed it while she was closing the door. I called my husband and told him and we were both so furious. We immediately drove to my mom's and picked her up. My mom told us it wasn't a big deal and that our daughter hadnt even cried when it happened. When we got in the car the first thing our daughter did was start showing us her hand and saying, "crying, hurts". Luckily her hand was okay and not broken, but it is bruised and red.
My husband and I talked about it and agreed enough is enough. We decided we will just do the daycare route and feel this will be better for everyone involved. We can stop having to miss so many days off work and whatever is going on with my mom and daughter will stop. I sent a message to my mom explaining the decision and that we would not be leaving our daughter alone with her again. Within a few minutes she responded and it was not good. She said my husband is no longer welcome in her home and she blames him for doing this to her. Huh? She went on to say she has no purpose in living anymore and that our daughter was what was keeping her going. She blasted us and said such ugly things. She said she never wants to see or talk with my husband ever again and blamed him for the whole situation (they have never gotten along, but that's a whole separate story).
I am so exhausted with this whole situation. My mom acts like she doesn't want to watch our daughter and when we say we will make other plans, has a huge blowout and says she will never speak to my husband again. I don't understand what is going on with her. I just know we need a more stable arrangement that doesnt cancel on us multiple times a month, is closer to home, and where our daughter isn't "falling down" as often. My mom is now furious with us and is not speaking to either of us. This is so incredibly frustrating. I never meant to keep my daughter away from her and want her to have a relationship with my mom and dad. We just need safe and stable childcare.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Begin any emails to them with we just need stable childcare. Maybe as a little time goes they can fill in from time to time. I think the other issues with your Mom can be worked out later. Once your child is in daycare and you are the decision off your shoulders it would be a better time to discuss.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top