[kpb]

hoping this is a good place to post this....didn't see any obtusely psychological forums

our almost three year old son has been a live wire since around 6 months of age, and while it is more often than not a good thing, his sanguine nature is complete with the hitting, biting, etc of stereotyped toddler boy behavior...

over time though, this act manifested itself mainly toward my husband (he would only pull my hair or pinch me occasionally, if we were playing more on the rough side)...these days, he'll just walk up to DH and hit him--seemingly for no reason. the worst is when DH goes in for a kiss--or worse yet, when he kisses me--and DS flips out and usually smacks him in the face.....

we're trying to stay as GD with him as possible....but I know DH is really feeling the "attack" personally, and we've resorted to 'taking something away' when he does hit....we totally hate that approach (reminds us of crappy teenage year punishments from our parents, to boot) but are at the end of our tether....

is this some kind of oedipus complex--lasting for a bizarrely long time? some mammalian behavior? anyone know of any good books to read up on the mother/son versus father/son relationship?

just trying to figure this out without being too pyschointellectual about our developing little one......

thank you in advance for your thoughts.....!

cheers
kyara

 

[tappinerp]

I wish my response was going to be more helpful... We are having similar problems. The past few weeks DS hits, kicks, bites, and yells "no daddy" anytime I am in the same room. I am hoping some other posters can shed some light for you! At least your not alone...

 

[tappinerp]

bump...

 

[kpb]

hey tappinerp...i'm cross-posting this in the GD forum and the waldorf education forum, just to see what Steiner has to say about it

also, since we seem to have the same issue--we have treated jonah kai homeopathically a couple of times, with most excellent results...we just did another constitutional about two weeks ago, so we're waiting to see if that helps a bit....another option would be bach flower essences (chicory, for example) to reduce some of the anxiety....

but all of that aside, it still doesn't change the fact that he acts so much more roughly with DH--and even in playtimes with friends, he acts that way toward boys occasionally.....

???

 

[fritz]

I just typed out a long response in the Gentle Discipline thread, which I will link here for tappinerp: http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1008464

HTH!

Oh, and the acting more rough with DH and friends...he's probably picked up (from you/DH/media/life in general) the message that he needs to be more gentle w/ Mom/girls, but Dad and other boys are okay to be rough with. If DS's friends don't like to play rough, maybe try to teach DS to ask, "Do you want to roughhouse?" before he starts hitting/getting rough...b/c sometimes it's the girls who want to play rough when the boys don't. And surprise attacks aren't usually welcome. Unless it's my 5yo neice trying a stealth attack on my DH--he loves those--and that girl has no fear.

My 3.5yo DS knows not to hit me. I don't like it, even when it doesn't hurt. I had DH trained not to roughhouse or tickle me when we first started dating; DS took about a year to really get it (from 18 mos to 2.5yo), but even now he'll occasionally test to see if the old rule still stands (arm cocked back, expectant expression on his face--he gives plenty of notice if I'm paying attention; I calmly remind him of the rule, "No hitting Mommy," and usually that's it. Sometimes, then he tells me he wants me to get mad--he finds extreme reactions fascinating, and apparently I put on quite a show between my facial expression, body language, and tone of voice. In those instances, I just treat him like he said something really silly, and he doesn't hit, so I don't get mad, but we've talked about it and how I don't like to get hit, or get mad, and that's enough for him now.)