[canadiangranola]

So a bit of background...I had DS in a hospital as naturally as I could at the time (I'd done a ton of research on natural childbirth and knew what I wanted and felt like I spent a good chunk of my labor fighting to be left alone ...they pushed pitocin to augment b/c my water broke at the start and so i was on a "timeline")

Near the end I caved and used nitrous oxide which just made me feel panicky and stressed and didn't really help, but felt like I 'needed' something at that time to help me make it through. There were moments during the labor where I seriously thought I would die. I was terrified, and I couldn't connect with anyone for support (i'm pretty sure the laughing gas made the disconnect feeling worse).

This time round, with baby due in September, we have a midwife and are planning a homebirth. My midwife carries only oxygen, no pain relief meds, which is great...but for hte fear. The other night I had a couple of contractions that took my breath away, and the effect they had on me mentally was the worst. I found myself vividly remembering all of the fear and anziety I had the first time round, and beginning to become anxious about my ability to cope with another labor.

In my head, I KNOW I can do this...but I don't want my emotions/fears/memories to get in the way or stall/slow down my labor...(as in my body stalling labor b/c it knows that inevitably the pain gets worse bfore getting better.)

I have no regrets about chossing homebirth, and I know how strongly I feel about the importance of natural childbirth for mom, baby, bonding, and all the rest of it. ( I actually think that in soem ways, all the pressure in the hospital helped me stand my ground for longer, because I'm stubborn...and felt like i had to dig my heels in to defend my rights to a natural birth)

I guess I'm just looking for BTDT mamas, or women who have done some work around preparing emotionally for a second birth when the first was scary and traumatic. I just don't want to be caught off guard by my own messed up head when I'm in labor, and would prefer to deal with these feelings as much as possible now, instead of fogging labor with them.

Any thoughts would be welcome.

 

[sarahloughmiller]

I had a great hb with my first dc & I have been kind of stressed about giving birth time also. I think that part of the worry the second time comes from knowing what to expect and the anticipation of it. I have also had bh that have been painful and taken my breath away and they have made me worry about labor. I think the most important thing to remember durring birth is that it is only temporary. The pain will go away as soon as that baby comes out & then you will have a perfect little baby to show for it. That was what kept me going through ds's long birth. It will probably be much easier for you at home to really relax and work with the contractions. Not having to fight with hospital staff over what you want durring labor will make a big difference. Not being put on a time schedule will also help a lot. I am sure it was very hard to relax and let your body work when you knew you had X amount of time to get the job done.

 

[mwherbs]

pitocin makes contractions hurt more than they would normally feel and it interferes with how your body copes with pain in a normal labor. So birth at home will be different in many ways-- next time you have some fear try taking a bit of rescue remedy--
or got to a hypnobirthing class
or go to someone who does the EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprograming)

 

[onlyboys]

I've had three unmedicated births and I'm still nervous about this next one. Sometimes, it's just the fear we have to get through. It sounds cheesy, but there's a mantra in the book Dune where Paul repeats, "Fear is the mind killer..." and goes on from there. It's quite helpful and true.

I've feared all my births during the pregnancy, but then something miraculous happens--toward the end, my mind and body both shift and I begin to look forward to birth. I'm ready and able to give birth to this child. But, before that happens, there is for me, a certain amount of fear.

Good luck to you, and take heart that it is not just you--it's us seasoned natural birthing mamas too!

Amanda

 

[JBMom]

Oh, I can SO relate! Actually, my first birth WAS a homebirth, but I was still unprepared for the intensity of the labor -- it was a terrifying experience for me. So, when I became pregnant the second time, I spent the entire labor figuring out how to face my fear and cope with labor contractions.

I'll tell you what helped me most was reading Pam England's Birthing From Within. She deals alot with the emotions surrounding birth - and offers some very practical skills for dealing with labor. She has a chapter dedicated entirely to facing our labor fears. I thought the book was so amazing, that I actually signed up for a class as well - I highly recommend that.

I also found reading all the wonderful stories in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth was very encouraging.

And mantras . . . learning to relax into and release to the contractions . . .

I also planned to labor in water because of it's relaxing, soothing properties.

When the time came for my second labor, I felt ready as I could be. And let me tell you, it was the most beautiful, gentle labor. I felt 'in control' for the whole of it (short of the pushing stage which was all of two pushes). In fact, at one point during transition I said to myself, "Oh my God! I'm doing it!!! This isn't THAT bad! I don't need an epidural!!!"

I know some of it was just luck of the draw - clearly my first labor WAS more intense, and clearly the second simply was more gentle. But I also think ALOT of it was the ways I learned to face my fears, and relax into the contractions.

Hope that helps!

Have a wonderful birth experience!

 

[Music-mommy]

I would recommend doing some visualization, closing your eyes, calming your breath, and visualizing the birth exactly as you want it to be. This is a powerful tool.

Also perhaps take some prenatal yoga classes to learn how to relax and how to breathe, or try the hypnobirthing.

If you read Ina May Gaskin's book she talks about how fear halts labour etc... so like you say you need to get over the fear or find a way of controlling it.

Think positive thoughts during birth, you and the baby are working together, it's all a matter of relaxing so those muscles can stretch.

 

[lincolnsmom]

I have a bit of a different story, my first was a hb, which ended up great, but I was SOOOO scared to labor, because I have had lots of problems with endometriosis and had four surgeries before I got pregnant with #1. I had operation after operation, and doctors kept telling me I had to learn to live with the pain and toughen up. Needless to say, this didn't give me a lot of confidence in my ablity to handle contractions. That's a big reason why I chose a homebirth in the first place, for my first birth, because I don't trust doctors anymore, and I automatically get tense and nervous in the hospital.

So, long story short, my homebirth was a wonderful EMPOWERING experience. It made me feel strong and capable in a way I'd never experienced. It allowed me to reclaim ownership of my body, especially my "defective" uterus.

PPs have mentioned how much stress the pitocin, the timeline, the pressure of hospital staff can put on you. When you hb, you are in control in a way you will never be in a hospital. This made worlds of difference for me, and I hope it will for you, too. I'm having my second hb in a matter of weeks, so I'm with you!!! I have my own fears about this one, but that's a matter for another post.

One more thing in this long rattly post: I also had good luck with mantras, especially one from the book "Homebirth," which I think is out of print, but here is the mantra anyway "Even though I am afraid, I know my body is strong." After a while, I even started to believe it. One other thing that worked in labor was while I was having a painful contraction, I would concentrate and visualize what was going on, my uterus contracting so the baby's head could push through the cervix, which I imagined opening more and more each time. And I kept thinking, this is pain with a purpose, don't be afraid, just let it happen ...

 

[fourgrtkidos]

Sometimes during pregnancy your kidneys are overstressed. I had fear like you are talking about, too. My accupuncturist said something like according to chinese medicine kidney stress/weakness creates fear and anxiety.

You could see an accupuncturist and that might help.

Something cheaper and easier is HOMEOPATHIC medicine. You could order it from 1800- Dolisos or get it from a pharmacy or health food store. The medicine I used was Aconitum Napellolus....... spelling may be wrong.

At any rate. It helps with fear and at the beginning of any illness to lesson the symptoms.

I hope you feel better soon.
Michelle

 

[Music-mommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fourgrtkidos Sometimes during pregnancy your kidneys are overstressed. I had fear like you are talking about, too. My accupuncturist said something like according to chinese medicine kidney stress/weakness creates fear and anxiety. Michelle

Yes and Fear creates kidney weakness...

 

[mom2threenurslings]

My first birth was a medicated hospital birth. The pitocin contractions were excruciating. I had an epidural and even then had horrible pain. I was forced to stay in bed and had continuous fetal monitoring, which, of course made the pain worse. I birthed a 7 lbs 2 oz baby.

When I became pregnant with my younger ds, I was terrified of giving birth, but knew I wanted a natural birth. I took an amazing natural childbirth class and felt very empowered. I worked through my fears a lot before going into labor. When I did go into labor, I surrounded myself with support people - and labored for 3 days. It wasn't until I was left alone that my labor progressed (and VERY QUICKLY! :LOL ). The contractions got very intense very quickly, and I realized that I could and was dealing with them. As soon as that realization hit, I relaxed more. The more relaxed I got, the less intense the contractions seemed. I had the natural birth I wanted ... and birthed a 9.5 lb baby with a huge head and a chest that measured larger than his head (not to mention he was born both shoulders at the same time!). It was my EASIEST birth!

I've since given birth to my 8 lbs 4 oz dd and I'm looking forward to birthing "moonbaby" in September. I LOVE being in labor and giving birth now and I'm SO EXCITED! If anyone had told me I'd feel like this after birthing my first, I would have thought they were insane.

 

[2+twins]

I had a really great first birth (although the long pushing stage made me nervous about the 2nd), but the 2nd birth - while it was still a wonderful experience - was *very* fast and extremely intense. The afterpains that followed were horrific as well and although I had always planned to have another baby, the intensity of the whole thing left me with lots of fears and doubts. For one, my 2nd baby was an unplanned UC (which I wanted but wasn't exactly prepared for), I tore along my labia which felt as though I was going to tear upwards (a very scary time during my labor), and my baby didn't appear to breathe for awhile (2-3 minutes?) but in retrospect we think she was breathing the whole time (she stayed pink). Anyway, during the birth I felt secure about everything - I kept chanting in my head "you can do this, your body was made to do this, you can stand anything for 90 seconds" - over and over again. When she was born and we didn't think she was breathing, I was calm and knew that she was alright. But AFTER it was all done and some time had passed, I got kind of panicky about the whole thing. The what-ifs basically sunk in. So anyway, having had that happen it made me re-evaluate if I even would want to go through all that again. After a 90 minute birth I feel I have to prepare myself for the liklihood that my next birth will be UC too. Then the what-if's creep in. Plus there's the intensity involved in a rapid birth. And the after pains. And the cracked and bleeding nipples I got from nursing! The list goes on. It's taken me a long time but I'm finally to the point where I basically have accepted these possibilities. I plan to ttc next month and I'm still scared of the pain, but this time I plan to use every ounce of my being to appreciate the pain as the sensations that are birthing my baby. I plan to notice everything that is happening within my body. I really want to look inwards and see it all for what it is. I think in dealing with it in that way it will help me not look at the contractions quite so much as pain (which I'm sure they still will very much be) but as effective. Does that make sense? Anyway, that's what I've been working through. Hope it helps.