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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My four year old , who normally likes to be with me, but can enjoy time outside or in his room alone, is suddenly VERY resisitant and afraid to leave my side. In fact, he won't even go across the room from me. He wants me to accomplany him everywhere. He says he is scared, ans sometimes, when he does attempt to go to the other side of the room, he may run back to me, fear in his eyes or in tears...At the same time he has become trmemndously whiny---he can hardly ask for anything without it being a really icky whine...
This has all been goin gon for about two weeks. Needless to say, it;s not much fun for any of us. He's unhappy and afraid, and I'm going nuts with his clingyness/whinyness. I'm honestly worried.
A few things that have happened that coincide timing-wise. He finished his two half-day-a-week nursury school, though he continues to see some of his friends from there regularly. We had two aniimal events here: we got a cat and the first day we let it out it was imediatley chased off by an OWL! that was exciting...He didn't see it, but I told him. He wasn't so sad about the cat, as he hadn't really bonded to it (it hasn't returned, poor kitty!), and he even got to see a baby owl while we were looking for the cat. But we has always been apprehensive about owls. Then, two days later, we found a dead rabbit in our driveway ( hit by our car, or hurt by an animal, we don't know) He did get a good look at this rabbit, which was kind of gruesome ( I didn't mean to let him see it, but we discovered it together...)
When I ask him what he is afraid of, he mostly says" I don't know". It does seem to be animal related, but maybe there is something else going on??? I don't know how to deal with this too well. This isn't just a fear of the dark, but an all day long thing. He does seem fine when we are not at our house....

ANy words of wisdom, advice, or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 

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I dunno, my 4 y/o acts like that sometimes and he hasn't had any traumatic experiences. And have you ever watched Cailiou? Talk about whiny! I think it's just the age. We def have recurring fear-in-the-house thing which drives me crazy b/c we have a small house so it isn't like I'm ever more than 20 feet away. When he's tired it's the worst. When DS gets clingy and scared I try to force myself to pour on the love, rather than the reason or logic, and he snaps out of it. Eventually. But reason and logic just lead to whines, tears and frustration. So I'd try to be patient and loving and see what happens in a week or so.

Oh, but the whining, luckily we don't really have that problem, but have you asked him to rephrase things? I will say something like "Can you try another tone?" But if he's already in teary mode I might put off that lesson!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We have a small house, too. So he is never far from me, no matter what! But, I have found resisting his need of me doesn't help. It is so hard, though, when I don't even have few feet of space...I have decided to " pour on the love" for the next week, see if that shifts things... I still find the whole thing rather extreme, and it makes me worry..... other thoughts? Is this just a four year old age thing? imagination developing, getting the better of him?I guess I keep expecting him to be more independent, not more clingy...
 

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To me, what you're describing seems absolutely perfectly normal. My DS also has a fantastic imagination, which helps fuel the fears I'm sure. And yes, I've def experienced that trying to push him away (out of extreme frustration and annoyance
) makes it 100x worse. I just mentally check myself and use a totally loving and patient voice, get on his level, give him a hug, etc. and it makes a world of difference. Or if he's in a fearful mood, I'll ask him to come around the house and help me, and before I know it, he's off on his own. My guy sometimes just needs reassurance. And it really is much worse when he's tired.

I wouldn't worry at all. I mean, seriously, get yourself a few episodes of Cailou--he's independent, then whiny, then scared, then outgoing, all in one episode! Same with our 4 y/o friends.

I'm sure there's degrees like w/ anything, but I chalk it up to being 4--too big to be a baby and too young to be a kid.
 

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I'm right there with you. Today has been esp. hard, I think because I am pushing ds1 away for some very much needed space...that makes it worse. I agree with everything the pp said too...she put it so well. Good luck. Reading the book, Your 4 Year Old was helpful to me too.
 
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