Fears and phobias

It sounds like a true phobia to me and I think you were on the right track with the desensitization. The thing with desensitization is eventually you are going to take a step that she cannot do the first time and that is OK. It is part of the process. I have claustrophobia and I did desensitization by going in scarier and scarier (for me) rooms in my house with the door shut until I could spend 30 minutes in the furnace room in the basement. The first couple rooms were totally easy. Then one room I had to leave after just a few seconds and try again later. Eventually I was able to get past that step.

I do think control is a factor, but I think it is part and parcel with the phobia. For claustrophobia, an elevator is orders of magnitude harder than a room, because if I get really scared I really can't get out - not until the elevator reaches the floor. I am not in control of the situation. For your daughter, being buckled into her seat in a moving car driven by someone else is loss of control. I would suggest breaking the activity down into smaller steps. She was fine in the parking lot. When you entered the street did she know where and how far you were going? Can you agree with her in advance to drive just to the corner and back the first time and assure her that you will pull the car over to the curb immediately if she can't handle it? Knowing that she has an escape option may be enough that she won't have to actually use it. Then once she has done that you can make the trips longer, then add in hills if that is an issue for her, and the last step would be going on a drive with you without knowing in advance where you are going.

I hope that helps. Good luck!

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Well, I know this doesn't help at all, but all of that is pretty variable. Kind of whatever works for you. When I did desensitization I stayed on one room until I could stay in it for thirty minutes with the door shut three times and then moved on to the next room. If you have time, I think two sessions a day would be good and in each session you could do one or more steps depending on how it goes. If a step is totally easy, then go ahead and move on to the next step that same session. If your dd barely makes it through, praise a lot, but I would repeat that step before going on to the next one.

I'm not surprised the cupcake didn't work, but a reward presented as a goal you are both working toward together can be very helpful. I was going to be going to a new school with many interior classrooms with no windows, so it was essential that I get rid of or reduce my claustrophobia that summer. For fear of the car, the obvious goal/reward would be a trip that would be really fun for her that requires travel by car. You could present it something like this: "I would really like to take you to the Children's Museum next month, but of course we'd need to drive. So let's do these exercises each day now, so that you can ride in a car again before that."

My mother helped me and I know she had a book with a very detailed plan in it, but I don't remember the specific book (it was a very long time ago). Here are a couple that look reasonable:
Freeing Your Child from Anxiety
Monsters Under the Bed and Other Childhood Fears: Helping Your Child Overcome Anxieties, Fears, and Phobias (this one has a chapter on fear of cars)

I don't think the process should take that long. It could be accomplished in a few days, but don't try to rush it or put a lot of pressure on. If you aren't seeing significant progress in a week then I think you might need to reevaluate and consider getting outside help. I'm not sure that play therapy would be very helpful (or help at all honestly), but I am not a professional or expert obviously and maybe the play therapist helps with other kinds of therapy too. Also, while it is good and probably helpful to reassure your dd that she is safe, don't make the mistake of thinking you can talk her out of her fears. A phobia doesn't happen in the rational part of the brain, so I don't think understanding how the brakes in a car work is going to help. Just my opinion of course - I could be totally wrong. The only thing that I know almost always works is gradual exposure to the fear with loving support.

Once again, best of luck, and please update and let us know how it goes!

I would add as an even babier step in the desensitization that if she cant get into the car, you could start by "practicing" what you'll do. I did this with my son a number of times, from when he was going in for surgery what wearing the mask that would make him unconscious would be like (how horrible that ordeal was!), to getting a splinter out. In both cases, I held him in my lap, talked in as soothing a voice as possible, and walked us imaginarily through the steps. So for getting in the car, I would hold her on my lap and say in as slow and soothing a voice as possible "ok, so what we will do (in a few days, or whenever) is i will put you in your car seat, and then take the buckle, and snap it into place, and then close your door, and then walk around to my side of the car, and then .... etc. etc. and then we will drive to the end of the driveway, and then i will come unbuckle you and take you out". Or something along those lines. I find that once I "practice" something like that once with my son, he asks me to do it over and over and over, and it really gets him ready. Just a thought. I know how hard these phobias can be!